Music of the Heart(91)
With gangsta rap blaring out of the stereo speakers, Jake didn’t even hear the door close. Over and over, he pummeled the punching bag as sweat dripped off his head and onto his shoulders.
“Jake,” I shouted.
The sound of my voice caused him to still instantly. His arms reached out to steady the swaying bag before he turned around. “What are you doing out here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“About what?”
I crossed the gap between us. I was sure he could hear the knocking of my knees as I feared my wobbly legs wouldn’t hold me up. Without taking my eyes off of his, my trembling fingers went to the sash of my robe. I untied it and then slowly slid it off. When it dropped to the floor, it felt like the sound was so deafening that it echoed around us.
Jake’s blue eyes widened as his gaze trailed over the negligee. He licked his lips several times and swayed on his feet before he finally spoke. “Angel, what are you doing?”
“Seducing you.”
The corners of his lips twitched, and I could tell he was fighting not to laugh. “You came out here in some racy get-up to seduce me?”
“I-I want to be with you. I want you to make love to me.”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up before he quickly shook his head. “I told you no earlier, and I still mean it.”
My mouth gaped open in surprise. “That’s your response to this?” I motioned to my jacked-up cleavage.
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times as he swallowed hard. “Yeah, it is.”
He then bent over and snatched my robe up off the floor. “Now put this back on and go to bed.”
“Jake, I’m not in pain anymore. I’m healed, and I can do this—I want to do this.”
“No.”
Tears stung my eyes, and I bit down on my lip. “You seriously don’t want me?”
With a grunt, Jake replied, “Oh my dick wants you more than anything in the world right now. But for once, I’m going to think with the head on my shoulders, rather than the one below my waist.” Jake gripped the edges of my robe so hard his knuckles turned white. “Trust me, Angel, I’m the last man on earth you should want to give yourself to.”
“But I do want to be with you. I bought this a month ago when Lily convinced me to wear a white dress. I realized that day I wanted to be prepared because I knew sometime soon I would want to make love to you.”
My statement caused an agonized groan from Jake, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he paced anxiously around the room. Finally, he whirled around and threw up his hands in defeat. “After everything that happened with Bree and your recovery, I’ve been doing some thinking—hell you could even call it soul searching.”
“So have I, and I—”
His blue eyes blazed with fury. “Don’t you get it, Angel? You deserve a hell of a lot better than me, both in and out of the bedroom.”
“Not that bullshit again. I’m so sick of hearing how you think you aren’t worthy,” I protested.
“It’s the truth, dammit! You’re this beautiful, pure spirit, and I’m corrupted and tainted from my past. I won’t put that on you.”
Taking a tentative step forward, I took his hand in mind. I brought it to my lips and kissed along his knuckles. “You’re not able to see yourself like I do. You’re deserving of my love, and I want to give it to you in all ways.”
His expression darkened. “But I haven’t made love since I was eighteen years old—if I even did it then. I only know how to fuck girls, and there’s no way in hell I’ll fuck you!”
Frustration and anger swirled within me. I swept a hand to my hip. “So just because you have a past and I don’t that means we can’t have sex?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Well, that’s not fair.”
Jake tossed the robe at me. “Life’s not fair, babe. Get used to it.”
I threw the robe back at him, smacking him in the face with it. “No, I won’t. I’m not taking no for an answer!”
He smirked at me. “And just what do you plan to do? Rape me?”
“No, I intend on making love with you.” Stepping forward, I slid my arms around his neck and then pressed my body flush against his. Jake instantly tensed. Before he could push me away, I said, “Even though you don’t believe it, I know you, Jake. I understand that feeling and expressing emotions off the stage is hard for you—I’ve seen you screw-up way too many times, remember? More than anything I understand that now with everything that is going on with your mom and what happened with me, that you’re gun-shy, scared, and unsure of what you’re experiencing and feeling.”