Morning Glory(65)

“Let it burn,” Dex replies, pulling me toward the bed. I want to give myself to him. After all, I am still his wife, and yes, part of me still loves him, and may always love him. But I climb down the ladder to the kitchen. I belong to Collin now, every inch of me.



Dex and I walk out to the dock at five. Collin’s sailboat is docked in its place now, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe he saw that Dex was home and didn’t want to come over? I hoped to talk to him before Bach on the Dock, to solidify our plans, and mostly to promise him I’d be there this evening, like we planned. I’ll find him at the party. I’ll reassure him.

I place the lasagna on a card table set against Naomi and Gene’s deck. She flashes us a plastic smile. “Oh, Dexter,” she says, ignoring me. “You’re home from California!”

He gives her an air-kiss. “Yes, flew home this morning.”

Gene walks over to shake Dex’s hand. “Nice night for a party,” Dex says. But Gene doesn’t reply. Instead, he turns to me. “How are you, Penny?” He’s smiling, but I can tell something’s bothering him. His left eye twitches a little.

“Oh, fine, thanks,” I lie. I watch Dex weave from one person to the next, ever the social butterfly. Naomi disappears into the house and returns holding a plate of pastries. She looks at me, then sets them on the table. “Dex,” she calls. “Your favorite.”

Naomi hands him a chocolate éclair, and he takes a bite. “Did you make these? They’re out of this world.”

She nods self-consciously. “They’re nothing special, just a recipe I picked up a from a French friend.”

I look around for Collin but don’t see him anywhere. Lenora and Tom and the others filter in. They ask how I am. But they mostly channel their attention toward Dex, who recounts his time in California, segueing into a story about a pool party at Lana’s where Cary Grant and Lauren Bacall were in attendance.

I can’t listen. It’s as if I’ve become immune to his bravado. I look away and catch a glimpse of Jimmy. He peers around the corner in jeans and a pair of tennis shoes, one with the laces untied. He smiles at me before Naomi shoos him back into the house. He turns around with slumped shoulders.

I think of the child growing in my belly, and I promise never to view him as a nuisance but always as a great blessing. I place my hand on my stomach and look at Dexter. His face is animated. He speaks further about California, and the little crowd on the dock erupts in laughter. I could never be Mrs. Dexter Wentworth without losing myself in his shadow. I know that now.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Lenora asks a few minutes later. Everyone’s hovering around a makeshift bar that Naomi and Gene have set up.

“Oh,” I say, looking up quickly. “Nothing.”

“You look a little pale,” she continues.

I do my best to smile. “I suppose I’m just a bit tired.”

“Here,” she says. “Let’s get you a drink.”

She takes my arm and we walk to the bar. Naomi hands me a martini, but it tastes bitter. Later I pour it in the lake. A green olive bobs in the water until a female mallard swims over and scoops it into her beak.

I hardly notice that the music has begun when Dex finds me a little while later. “Come on,” he says, reaching for my hand. “Everyone’s dancing.” I take his hand obediently as he leads me closer to the little trio of musicians led by Gene on the violin. I don’t recognize the song. It’s stiff and classical. Dex wraps his arms around me, and I look up at the fairy lights overhead. My head is heavy, and I instinctively lean it against Dex’s chest. At first I don’t notice Collin standing a few feet ahead, but then I hear Naomi say his name. I lift my head as we make eye contact. Naomi hands him a martini, and he takes a long sip, throwing nearly the entire martini back in one fell swoop. He stares straight at me, just as Dex’s hands drop lower on my waist. Too low. I see the look in Collin’s eyes. Betrayal. My eyes plead with him to understand. Can’t he see that I must play along? Can’t he understand that Dex’s return changes nothing, nothing at all? We’ll sail away together, just like we planned. But Collin doesn’t stay to hear my explanation. Before the song ends, he’s gone.



By ten, Dex has had too much to drink. He’s more animated than ever, and Tom doesn’t even mind that he’s dancing with Lenora and clutching her waist in a way he’d never have dared before five martinis.

Disgusted, I walk to the end of the dock in front of our houseboat. Surely Dexter, in his state, wouldn’t notice if I packed my things and left early with Collin. But Collin isn’t there, or anywhere. And the sailboat is gone too. I feel a twinge of worry then. The once-waterproof plan we’d forged now had leaks in it. Did he leave without me?