More than Exist(19)

Ginger was walking toward me as I shut my door. Her face was devoid of makeup, and her eyes were puffy from crying. She looked about twelve years old.

“Oh, honey, are you okay?” I asked as I rushed around the car to pull her into a hug.

“Mmm-kay,” she mumbled against my shoulder.

“What happened after you left?”

“Bo followed me back here and we had it out,” she replied, her eyes bright with fresh tears. “I told him everything. How he made me feel, what I did after he left, and what I’ve been doing since … He left at about three a.m., still mad, and I haven’t heard from him.”

“Why is he making a big deal about this now?” I asked, wondering if Bo still had feelings for Ginger.

She shrugged one shoulder and said, “I guess because Candy just told him. He said he was embarrassed and ashamed for me…”

“What an ass,” I replied angrily. “Ginger, you have nothing to be ashamed about, and he has no right to treat you as if you do. He left you a long time ago, and has no say in what you do with your life.”

Ginger choked back a sob, but her voice cracked when she said, “I know … Logically, I know that. But, it really hurts that he thinks of me that way.”

“I know it does,” I said helplessly. I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better, but I really wished I had Bo’s stupid mug in front of me right now, so I could punch him right in the balls.

We went inside and I grabbed my stuff. I felt terrible leaving Ginger when she needed me, but I knew my in-laws were waiting, and I didn’t want to be late.

“I wish I didn’t have to go,” I said as I pulled Ginger in for one last hug.

“Call me every night and let me know where you are, okay?” Ginger requested, causing my heart to squeeze happily. “And once your settled, you call me and I’ll come visit.”

“Okay,” I said with a big grin.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

I said goodbye to Ginger’s mother and sister, then threw my overnight bag in the bag and got in the car. I waved as I drove off, then looked in my rearview mirror to see Ginger still waving.

My heart squeezed again, painfully this time, as I thought about how much I was going to miss Ginger, and I worried about what lay ahead for me.





Chapter 13





I was about halfway to Shreveport when the guilt hit. Maybe it was because the adrenaline of being with someone new had worn off. Maybe it was because I was on my way to spend time with Ricky’s family. Or maybe it was simply because Landon was the first guy who I’d been with other than Ricky, since the night Ricky and I had met.

Whatever the reason was, the result was pure agony.

The mind can be a vicious thing, and mine was currently calling me every name in the book.

I wanted to pull over, crawl into a ball on the front seat, and cry myself to sleep.

I wanted to scream, pull out my hair, and cause myself physical harm.

I really wanted a drink.

Instead, I tried to ignore the mean voices in my head and cried violently as I drove, wiping my face every few seconds so I could see the road.

By the time I pulled into the parking lot at The Boardwalk, I was exhausted and emotionally spent. I searched through my purse until I found some foundation, mascara, and lip-gloss. I hastily tried to make my face look like I hadn’t just had a crying jag for the last sixty miles.

I sighed loudly as I looked over my somewhat concealed puffy eyes, and decided that this was about as good as I was going to get. I grabbed my bag, locked up the car, and began to navigate my way through the outlets toward Joe’s Crab Shack. This was my mother-in-law’s favorite place to eat, and we went there every time Ricky and I came to visit. It was tradition.

As I maneuvered through the crowd, I found myself reaching for Ricky’s hand, just like I’d done a dozen times before as we walked through these outlets. If I closed my eyes and imagined really hard, I could almost feel the ghost of his palm sliding against mine. My heart lurched as the memories of this place swirled around me, and I picked up the pace to try and outrun them before they broke me down.

I rushed through the door and came to a halt when I saw the two women who had helped shape Ricky into the kind, generous, loving man I’d married.

With matching jet-black bobs and smiles tinged with sadness, they moved in to hug me in tandem. I inhaled my mother-in-law’s familiar scent and said, “I’ve missed you, Mom.”

“I’ve missed you too, Bella, darling,” she returned with a squeeze.

I pulled back and smiled at my sister-in-law. “You look great, Con.”

“So do you, Bells,” Consuela replied, giving my long hair a tug. Two years younger than Ricky and me, Consuela had loved to come and visit whenever she could. We’d always had a great relationship, and looking into her face brought back tons of memories.