More Than a Convenient Bride(14)

"Luc doesn't really talk about his father."

"He doesn't remember him. But they're so very much alike. My husband  was a simple man. He believed in hard work and family, and giving back  to the community."

"That does sound like Luc."

"We used to own one of the largest ranches in the county. He always  hoped his boys from his first marriage would want to take over, but they  had no interest in the family business. Or me for that matter. That  ranch was his life and out of respect I wanted to keep it running, keep  it in the family, but then I had my surgery and everything changed. I  couldn't keep up with the day-to-day operations, and like Luc had no  interest in ranching. I knew he was meant for greater things. The  proceeds from the sale of the business paid for medical school."

"Luc said his dad had a heart attack."

"A massive coronary," she said, looking so sad, even all this time  later. "They found him out in the field, his horse at his side. They  told me that it was instantaneous, that he never suffered. I always took  comfort in the fact that he died doing what he loved most.

"That's why I believe in seizing the moment. Living as though every day might be your last."

"I was in love once," she told Elizabeth. "I met him at university. I thought he was the love of my life."

"But he wasn't?"

She shook her head, the pain of that time still as real and sharp as a slap in the face.

Elizabeth frowned. "If you're uncomfortable talking about it..."

"It's not that," Julie said. It was just embarrassing to admit she had been so desperate for love. So gullible.

"You have to bear in mind how I was raised," she told Elizabeth. "I had  no positive male influence in my life. My sister and I grew up  believing that nothing we ever did was good enough."

"Oh, honey," Elizabeth said, patting her arm. "You've done amazing  things with your life. You've dedicated yourself to helping people. You  should be proud of your accomplishments. No matter what anyone else  thinks."

That was easier said than done. "I try, but there's always that small  part of me that says it's not enough. That I could be doing more. That  I'll never quite measure up."

"Inner demons," Elizabeth said with a sigh. "There's nothing more  difficult to face than your own overinflated expectations. Believe me,  I've been there."

Julie certainly had her share of those. "I found most men intimidating  at that time, but there was something so different about him. He was so  gentle and kind. He filled a place in my heart that had been empty for  so long. I was able to set my fears aside. I was convinced he would  never hurt me. At first."

"But he did."

She nodded. "Things started to gradually change. Little things at  first. He became more critical and more demanding. He wanted all of my  attention. He resented my friends, my professors, my homework. But I was  so desperate for someone to love me, to accept me, I was blind to what  was happening, to the way he was gradually tearing down my self-esteem,  shrinking my world until I was totally dependent on him. By the end, he  controlled nearly every aspect of my life."                       
       
           



       

"Love makes us do foolish things," Elizabeth said, and something in her  eyes said she was speaking from experience. "Especially when we're  vulnerable. The important thing is that you got away."

"It took every bit of courage I had to walk away from him. I was  miserable for months. He had me convinced that I needed him. But as time  passed and things moved into perspective, I was disgusted with myself,  and embarrassed that I let it go as far as it did. I felt as if I should  have known better. The first time he called me stupid I should have  walked out the door." She paused, shaking her head. "No, not walked. I  should have run for dear life."

"It's not your fault," Elizabeth said. "You were vulnerable and he took advantage of you. He was a predator."

"And he was damned good at it. I haven't been in a serious relationship since. I still don't trust my own instincts."

"Do you trust Lucas?"

"I do." With her life. He was the only person she trusted unconditionally

"You believe he would never hurt you?"

She could see where Elizabeth was going with this, and though Julie  hated to disappoint her, there was no way around it. "Not purposely, no.  But Luc and I will never be anything but friends. I love him. I can't  imagine what I would do without him. Hands down he's the most important  person in my life."

"I know he feels the same way about you."

That didn't change anything. "I'm sure as a mother, you want what's best for Luc," Julie said.

"Of course."

"Even if we were in love, he deserves someone without all the emotional baggage. It would be unfair to lay that all on him."

"Everyone has emotional baggage, Julie. Everyone. Even Luc."

Yes, well, some had more than others. Elizabeth didn't realize that  Julie was doing both her and Luc a favor. She didn't know the first  thing about being a wife. Or a daughter-in-law, for that matter.

"I wish things were different. I don't doubt that Luc would be an  exceptional husband. In fact, I know he would be. It's my role as his  wife that I'm not so confident about."

"Shouldn't Luc be the one to make that decision?"

As far as Julie was concerned, he already had. "I can't force myself to fall in love, and neither can he."





 Eight

The nurse returned from her nap a few minutes later to check  Elizabeth's vitals and gently suggested that it was time for her to  rest. Julie gathered her things and went back to her bedroom, where she  set up a work area at the small desk under the window overlooking the  rolling green lawns and sprouting flower beds of the estate.

She opened the window and breathed in deeply. Spring was in the air.  When she'd arrived in October, everywhere she looked there was  devastation. It seemed as if now, slowly but surely, the town was waking  up to the world, and life in Royal was returning to normal. Or what she  perceived to be normal. Displaced families were back in their homes,  and every week shops and restaurants had begun reopening.

She needed to get out more and explore the city. If this was to be her  permanent home, she needed to get to know it better. And the people.  That was the worst part of growing up so sheltered. The lack of  community, missing that feeling of belonging somewhere. But things were  different now. She was different.

She smiled to herself, thinking, This is home. This was exactly where she was meant to be.

Taking one last deep breath of cool fresh air, she closed the window,  opened her laptop and got back to work. Sorting data took every bit of  her attention and concentration, so it was no surprise that she didn't  hear Luc walk in the room. When he spoke her name, she nearly jumped out  of her skin.

"Didn't mean to startle you," he said, but he knew as well as she that  when she was immersed in work, startling her was inevitable. "How's the  research going?"

"Great." She looked over at the clock, surprised to see that it was  barely after four. She couldn't remember the last time he'd left the  hospital before seven in the evening.

Her first thought was that something must have been wrong. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine," he said, shrugging out of his jacket, which he then tossed over the footboard of her bed. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"The time, for one. You're home so early."
                       
       
           



       
He loosened his tie and pulled it off, then started unfastening the  buttons on his dress shirt. "I told Ruth to clear my afternoon. That I  had something I needed to do."

Something that required he take his clothes off, because that's what he  was doing. And why was her bedroom door closed? "What do you need to  do?"

A sexy grin tipped up the corners of his lips. "You, of course."

What the advance lacked in creativity, he made up for with red-hot sex  appeal. He unbuttoned his shirt, slowly exposing a band of smooth,  defined chest with just a sprinkle of crisp black hair.

Nice.

"You know, I almost stopped to pick up Mardi Gras beads on the way home," he said.

Huh? Why would they need those?

Seeing her confused look, he said, "You don't recall flashing me this morning?"

Oh yes, she had done that, hadn't she. She never dreamed that a quick  peek at her breasts in the morning would motivate him to cancel his  afternoon appointments and rush home three hours early.

Damn. She must be doing something right.