More Than I Wanted(35)

“Of course I’d help out,” I said. “Don’t even let something like that cross your mind.” I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I’m so glad to see you, and know you’re okay. When he called, I was so scared…” I stopped for the same reason she did, trying to control the crack in my voice.

“I don’t have any brothers or sisters, being an only child, I just… you’re my best friend.”

“And you’re mine. Heather, I’ll be here, but so will you,” I said, exhaling deeply. “Thank goodness you’re okay.”

“One more thing, they did an ultrasound and I know the sex of the baby,” she smiled softly.

“Yeah?”

“We’re having a girl,” she whispered. “He doesn’t want to know yet.”

“Congratulations,” I whispered back. “Do you want me to go get Scott now?”

“That would be great,” she said. She looked tired. “And thank you for coming. I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to tell you – it just happened so fast, my thoughts were clouded, and I didn’t know what was going on. You could step in, be her Auntie Kate, you know just sort of be in her life.”

After Scott was back at her side, I headed out to greet Austin. He was waiting outside of the sliding glass doors at the hospital entrance.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, anxious to hear the news.

“She seems to be, but they’ll keep her for observation. They ran some tests, and it looks like their baby is okay. She was scared, wanted to ask me to step in if something should happen to her, be a part of their daughter’s life.” I slipped. “Oops, sorry, I wasn’t supposed to say that part. They’re having a girl, but Scott doesn’t know yet. He wants to wait. Please don’t say anything to him.”

“That’s a relief,” he said. “A girl, huh, if she’s anything like Heather, she’ll be a treasure. She’s a sweet girl.”

“Yeah, I felt so much better seeing her.” I exhaled letting the events of the night go, knowing Heather would be resting safely tonight, their daughter was okay, and Scott was sitting by her side.

Austin started talking quietly as we walked to the car. “During my last tour, I saw a hospital blow up, innocent children were hurt, and there was nothing I could do. I went to help as many as I could, but our unit was ordered to evacuate as quickly as possible because there was heavy fire, and more bombs going off. I could hear cries, screams,” he said quietly. “It’s one of the things that still gives me nightmares time to time. It’s a brutal life over there, tragic. It’s gorilla warfare and they don’t care who they hurt, it’s truly horrific at times. The dead bodies,” he stopped and took a breath, “I dread going back.”

It’s the most he’d ever said about what happened. I reached down and squeezed his hand as we reached the car. “That must have been horrible, and to be trapped with the memories, I can’t even imagine.” It was a lot to take in. I couldn’t fathom what it would be like to live with those kinds of memories.

“Anyway, I don’t do hospitals well,” he said. “I’m just not ready.”

“It’s okay. If you ever want to talk about this stuff, I’m here. I can listen or discuss it, or whatever you need.” I tried to be sympathetic, but what do you say to something like that? I hated that he had to go through that, and wondered if it would haunt him forever. Would time heal those kinds of psychological wounds?

“I appreciate it, but I prefer not to talk about it too much. I’ve said a few things to Scott and had a psych evaluation after my last tour, but I keep most of it inside.” I could tell it was hard for him to talk about it. I didn’t want to push for more details, but wanted him to know I was here for him if he needed to talk.

“I don’t know what to tell you. I’d think getting it out would help, but I’ve never been through what you’ve been through. I hope time heals some of it for you,” I said, wondering if I’d have to give birth at home if I got pregnant. Would he come to the hospital then, or would it still be too much? He had a good reason to react to hospitals, though I wondered how long something like that lasts.

I felt selfish even randomly thinking of other things like that. I didn’t know how not to sometimes. I couldn’t even fathom having to see things he saw, and be forced to remember them. It explained the nightmares though. I almost didn’t want to know what else he saw.

Driving home, it was late, and with the adrenaline rush coming down I was ready for sleep. Curling up in bed, I drifted off quickly. Morning came way too fast. Stretching, I rolled over and saw Austin still fast asleep. I could still get a run in, but decided to blow it off. Most of the heavy rain had dissipated, and it was now only a mist.