Moonshine(59)

“I will.” I kissed her once more before I left to go home.





31



Shine

The nurse offered me a little something to help me sleep last night and I took it. I knew that if I didn’t I would have nightmares all night. This way at least I would rest a little. However, when I woke up this morning I regretted it. I don’t know how I used to take those things. I felt worse today than I had in a long time.

Mrs. Gerry let me sleep in and didn’t ask me to come to breakfast, but it didn’t take long before people started coming in search for me. “Mail time,” the girl’s voice said on the other side of my door. When I opened it she had two letters for me this time.

My breath caught in my throat and my hands were shaking when I saw my handwriting staring back at me. It was my envelope for Johnny. He had written me. The tears leaked out from the corner of my eyes as I opened it to read it. I closed my eyes and held the paper to my chest trying to get myself together.



Dear Sunshine,

I hope this gets to you. I promised you that I would write, I just didn’t know that I would be sending you my final farewell. You are the most precious thing in my life and you will be the only thing in this world I will miss.

The meeting with my parents was horrible. Neither one would give me a chance to explain. The first thing my dad asked was if I was still gay and when I answered yes he punched me in the face. He said that when he told me that he never wanted to see me again that he meant it. He said that I was as good as dead to him. Funny he should use those words. I never did anything wrong in their eyes except be gay, but they hate me. There is no making it right with them. It’s over. I don’t have the strength in me to fight anymore. I feel like leaving it all behind is the only way to go. I will always be an outsider and I can’t handle the pressure. I am not as strong as you are. You are the bravest person I know and I am so proud of you. I want you to know that this has nothing to do with you. I just can’t burden my family and be the disgrace anymore. It’s not worth it to me.

I know that I am leaving you in good hands with Moon and that someone will always love and take care of you. My heart will always belong to you and I can’t thank you enough. Thank you for loving me and never treating me different. Thank you for being my best friend.

In the bottom of this envelope, I left you something. Don’t make fun because I made it myself. I hope you will wear it next to your star. It’s my heart so keep it close to yours always. I love you forever.





Your Best Friend,

Johnny



P.S. Never give up. You are strong enough to overcome anything. Fight hard for me, Sunshine!





I slid the small heart charm onto my necklace next to my star. Once I had it back around my neck I laid back on my bed with his letter tightly against my chest and I cried. It was the closure that I needed. I cried my last tears for him and promised myself that I would fight and heal for my Johnny.





32



Shine

I cried again when I said goodbye to Mrs. Gerry. It was graduation day and I was finally able to leave. I had come so far from the girl I was when I started. Part of me felt like Superwoman when I walked out of those doors to leave. The promise I made to myself was now not only just for me, it was for Johnny too. Proving myself strong enough was my biggest obstacle, but I had to do it on my own without the help of my family or Moon. Meeting Johnny and coming to the facility was all part of the plan of my life. I know it may not have been a good plan, but it worked. When Doctor Greene asked me today about what I had learned I told him that I learned to love. I said that no matter if it seemed important or not, it was my greatest fear and I beat it. I learned to love myself and I learned that I had the strength of an army. I could overcome it; I just had to rip off the band aid. Johnny was my guardian angel and I would have him to thank for all of my accomplishments.

In my final one on one with the doctor, I agreed to meet with him every other week until I got fully adjusted to leaving the center. Leaving was a scary and exciting feeling, and not having Johnny there was pretty hard. I missed being able to share it with him. Mrs. Gerry gave me a wonderful going away present though. She had framed a picture of me and Johnny from group session. We were holding hands and smiling on the loveseat. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have a single picture of him and I would cherish her gift forever.

“Are we going home?” I asked Dad who was in the driver’s seat. Moon and I shared the backseat which was nice. I didn’t want to be able to fit a piece of paper between us for the next several days. I had planned on being attached to his hip, literally.

“Did you want to go somewhere else, sweet pea?”