Moonshine(22)

Everything seems to be buzzing around me, and I feel like I am moving in slow motion. I’m sure it was the effects of the pills I had already taken, but either way I hadn’t felt this good in a long time. It seemed like the perfect opportunity. I had plenty of time to think things through, and I was ready. I could do this, and I would. First thing I needed to do was write my letters. I owed them at least that much. I would write one to my parents and one to Moon. They would just need something so that they could each let go of me.

Once I finished writing the letters it was late. I decided that I would leave Mom and Dad’s letter on their bed. It would lay folded neatly on the sage colored duvet. I also left an envelope for Katie on my nightstand. I didn’t write her a letter, just a note that said thank you with my only pair of diamond earrings tucked inside the envelope. She would not understand the meaning, but to me they were special. My great aunt left them to me when she passed away. She had told me that I would always shine like a diamond, and I know that Katie will too. That girl is the sweetest most genuine girl-friend I have ever had. Befriending me must have been so hard for her considering I was bull-headed and obnoxious. She still stood by me even in these past months when I spoke maybe five words to her. I would say that she is definitely a diamond and I am lucky that I got to see how well she shined. Never will she ever know the impact she made, but I always will.

I stared at Moon’s letter in my hands in debate. Where would I leave his letter? In his hands is where I would like to, but that won’t happen. The best place would be his car. I know he would look there. I could put it in the Mustang on the way to my destination.

I grabbed both bottles of pills and threw them into the tote bag I had already packed, making sure that I didn’t forget anything. Throwing the bag over my shoulder I made sure to lock everything up before I left. This was the first time in months that I truly felt alive. Nothing about what I was doing felt wrong. I was ready. Having nothing to live for made it the easiest decision. I have wondered my whole life how someone could be brave enough to take their own life, but it’s not about being brave. It’s about being ready, and right now I am. I’m weightless and I’m free.

I backed the car out of the driveway and pulled up to the curb outside of Moon’s house. His light was still on so I hoped that he would not see me. I got out of the car quietly and steadied myself, knowing that I shouldn’t be driving. Luckily, I didn’t have too far to go. I checked his Mustang doors which were unlocked. I knew they would be. He never locks his doors, big dummy. Sliding the note into the seat, I shut the door back as quietly as I could. It probably didn’t shut all the way but the light was off so it was fine by me.

I drove to the parking lot of the old drive in. I parked in my favorite spot. It was deserted and dark. Not a sole in sight and that was just how I wanted it. This had to be the place where it happened because it was the most special to me.

When I was at home, I came up with a backup plan just in case the other didn’t work. Once again I stumbled out of the car. I had already had five pills in my system from today so to say I was feeling no pain was an understatement. I almost hit the ground, but caught myself on the side of my car. I walked around to the back and stuffed an old towel into the exhaust pipe and wrapped it tightly with Duct Tape. The pipe was still hot so I tried not to burn myself. I got back in the car and started it back up. I had seen this in a movie I watched a long time ago. A boy had found a man in his car trying to commit suicide using the carbon monoxide from his car. Wasn’t quite sure if it would work but at least I had a backup plan in case my pills failed me. Sleep would find me soon and it was sounding better and better.

I laid the seat back and took out my blanket from my bag. I made sure that my star necklace was still around my neck because I wanted to keep it with me. Reaching for both bottles of pills I decided one bottle should do the trick, so I picked the stronger of the two. Opening the lid I didn’t think twice. For some reason everything came easy and willingly to me. It was as if my heart and brain were finally in sync and couldn’t wait to be let go of this horrible life. I poured the pills into my half a bottle of water and closed the lid. I shook them up until they looked dissolved. It had to be easier than trying to swallow all of those pills. I have a hard enough time trying to swallow one. I turned the bottle up and started to swallow. Once I couldn’t swallow anymore I closed my eyes and curled up tightly on the seat. Goodnight fucked up world. Bye Moon.





13

AND A HALF



Moon