Momentary Marriage(78)

Beneath her splayed hands, his chest rose with each breath, his heart thundered. Rising and rocking on him, Kelsey gave herself over to sensation. Stroke after stroke a ripple of pleasure. Her head rolled back, her body locked with his intimately.

Together, locked together. Bound in ecstasy, they found the sun.





CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Her period was a week overdue.

Kelsey stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, grateful Jared had an early meeting. She was alone in the apartment, but she still couldn’t bring herself to open the box that held the pregnancy test.

Anxiety roiled in her stomach like acid. It was as if her fears had come true.

She was never late. Her first period had dawned in the summer of her twelfth year and had come since then as regularly as the cycles of the moon. Now, she was on the pill which made for even more consistency. She knew to the day when she should have started.

But just over three weeks ago she’d been sick, she remembered. Jared had taken care of her so wonderfully. She hadn’t worried about anything, had only basked in his care. Too busy being amazed at his sweetness despite his annoyance with her, she hadn’t even thought to take her pill that day or to double up the next.

Kelsey dropped the pregnancy test on the counter next to the sink and slumped into the vanity chair. Staring sightlessly into the mirror, she remembered the day after she’d been sick.

They’d made love three times. Hungry, satiating sex. She’d found herself crying afterwards, filled with a sense of connection she couldn’t explain.

In the weeks since, she’d craved his touch, ignoring her confusing emotions, but aching to kiss him, hold him. Needing, thirsting for physical union    .

Wasn’t ovulation supposed to do that to women? She’d read a theory once that claimed the hormones connected with ovulation prompted women to want sex. A dirty trick of evolution to continue the species, some expert said.

She buried her face in her trembling hands. It couldn’t be. She couldn’t be pregnant. Despite the longing that little Amelia had triggered inside her, it wasn’t time to have a child, was surely the worst time. As much as she’d always wanted a family and children to nurture, this wasn’t the way she wanted it to happen. Children should be planned, eagerly anticipated.

Babies needed families. Loving parents like Amelia’s. People who had a chance of staying together.

With everything between she and Jared, the possibility of her actually becoming pregnant while on the pill seemed unreal. Maybe she was imagining the whole thing. Maybe she’d miscounted somehow, mixed up her pill packets. Since misplacing them on their honeymoon, she’d taken to always having two packets on hand—if only to keep herself from doing something really stupid like getting “accidentally” pregnant on purpose.

Opening her eyes as a low moan escaped her, she looked at the pregnancy test. It sat on the countertop, undeniably real.

She’d counted and recounted, checked and rechecked. She was late and she’d never been late. Certainly not this late.

Fear, dread and panic battled in her chest. This couldn’t be. She wasn’t ready for it, couldn’t do the job right. In her dreams of motherhood, she’d felt stronger, had planned all the particulars.

Except the father. That part had never been clear. If love didn’t bind a man to a woman, how could she rely on his love for their child?

Either her own father hadn’t ever loved her and Amy or had lost that emotion early in their lives.

What kind of father would Jared make?

Involuntarily, she remembered him rolling on the grass with his niece. Remembered him holding the baby at the hospital two nights ago. What would he be like with their child? Her treacherous imagination supplied an immediate answer.

Jared holding a small, pink baby, it’s face scrunched up in a squall as he rocked, his voice low and soothing.

Jared tickling tiny pink toes, blowing bubbles on a small tummy. A baby with his dark eyes, laughing with joy.

She could instantly envision him walking confidently down the street, a pink diaper bag over one arm, their infant cradled in the other. The man did everything with assurance. He’d parent no differently.

Kelsey sobbed suddenly, the sound echoing in the bathroom. A baby would tie her to him forever. He’d never be like her father, never abandon his child and its mother to the world. No matter where she went or what she did, a child would link them together irrevocably.

Leaning her head on her crossed arms, she cried heavily, impervious to the cold tile counter top beneath her arms.

She wanted to be tied to him. Wanted to secure him to her forever. That was why their lovemaking had taken on a tender, earth-shattering flavor. The realization only made her cry harder.