Mine to Take(63)

* * *

The understanding in her blue eyes nearly broke him apart. It couldn’t be that simple. Surely it couldn’t. How could he forgive himself for his entire existence?

“It’s not your fault,” Honor said quietly. “It’s not your fault your mother got hurt. The choices she made, the life she lived, is not your fault.”

But he knew that, didn’t he? Of course he did.

Do you? Do you really?

He couldn’t breathe all of a sudden.

For the last thirty-five years of his life, he’d taken responsibility. For himself. For his mother’s rape. For the whole reason he was even born in the first place. Because her crappy life was his fault. Because he’d been born.

“How could it not be my fault?” His voice didn’t sound like his own. “All of it is my fault.”

“No.” Honor cupped his face in her hands, the warmth of her touch searing him. Melting away the ice around his heart. “You were a child, Gabriel. You weren’t responsible for anything. Your mother made her own choices. You can’t take them on yourself, too.”

No. He couldn’t. Just like he didn’t have to take on the anger either.

And it turned out it was that simple. To let it all go and let something else take its place. A strange, desperate emotion he’d been trying not to feel for a long time. An emotion he thought he wasn’t capable of. An emotion he thought he never deserved.

Until now.

Gabriel gripped her wrists, her skin smooth against his fingers. “I love you,” he said helplessly, unable to keep it inside any longer. He’d hadn’t said those words to another soul in years, not since the last time he’d said them to his mother, when he was seven years old. “I love you, Honor St. James.”

There were tears in her blue eyes and he couldn’t stop himself from bending to kiss them away. She trembled and then suddenly buried her face in his chest, her arms coming around him the way they had in his apartment, after he’d told her everything. A way he’d never stopped dreaming of, hoping for again.

“Does this mean you’re going to stay?” she murmured, her voice muffled against his leather jacket.

He wrapped his arms around her in return, holding her close. “I told you, I’m going to spend the rest of my life protecting you.”

“That doesn’t mean…” She broke off.

Gently he gripped her chin, tipped her head back so he could see her face, his heart beating strangely fast. “What do you want it to mean?”

Her blue eyes glowed in her pale face. “I don’t want you protecting me, Gabriel. I want you loving me. And I want it forever.”

That was his Honor. Strong. Demanding. Challenging. His chest ached but this time he welcomed the pain. “Then that’s what you’ll have. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

Honor reached up, slid her fingers into his hair, and brought his head down for another kiss that was sweeter than any others he’d ever had. “Oh, and I want a vest with ‘Property of Church’ written on it,” she murmured against his mouth.

He smiled, his arms tightening around her. “I’ll get one made especially for you.”

“What about you? What do you want?”

Her body was warm and soft and everything he’d ever wanted. “Right now? You, naked, on the floor.”

Her mouth curved. “Yes, of course. But after that.”

“What do you think? I want you to love me. That’s all I want.”

Honor’s eyes glittered as they met his. “Ah, well, that I can do.”

And she did.





EPILOGUE

Alex’s blond bodyguard wasn’t waiting outside his door this time so Gabriel walked right in. Alex was sprawled on the couch, a console game controller in his hands, his attention on the massive flat-screen TV on the wall opposite him.

Standing near the couch, also holding a controller, was his bodyguard.

“Fuck,” Alex muttered as his character on the screen was dealt a flying roundhouse kick. “I can’t believe this is the first time you’ve played this.”

“Your reflexes are too slow,” the Russian woman said, administering the death blow to Alex’s character on screen. “You need more sleep, sir.”

“Katya mine, sleep is for the very young and very old. As I am neither, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“Which appears to be now.” She put down the controller as Alex’s character expired on the screen, and turned. “I shall give you some privacy?”

Alex threw the controller negligently back on the couch. “Yeah, you’d better. Go check the perimeter or something.”

The woman moved past Gabriel, her strong features absolutely impassive.

“What are you doing here?” Alex demanded as the door shut behind the bodyguard. He didn’t look at him, his attention still firmly on the TV screen. “I thought the ‘fuck off’ text I sent you was clear enough.”

Gabriel folded his arms, mainly to stop himself from going over to where his friend lay and dealing him a punch to the face. Because the guy’s fucking attitude could use some readjustment.

Honor had told him she’d texted Alex to say she was ready to talk to him if he wanted and the prick still hadn’t replied to her.

“I want to talk to you about the casino,” he said shortly.

Instantly the scowl on Alex’s face vanished, his features an expressionless mask. But Gabriel could see the tension in the other man’s body. Taut as a coiled spring.

“Lucky you,” Alex said still in the same tone, but this time with a slightly bitter edge to it. “So is that why you’re here? You’re going to tell me all about it? Because if you are, you can fuck off right now.”

Gabriel didn’t say anything. Instead he walked over to the table and dropped something on it.

Two silver dice, the diamond sparkling in the center of the one.

“What the hell is that?” Alex demanded.

“Guy Tremain gave them to me before he was shot. It’s an invitation.”

“An invitation to what?”

“To find out what’s behind the casino. Or rather, who.”

Alex’s blue gaze was sharp. “You don’t want it?”

“I’m not in the justice game anymore. I have other, more important things to worry about.” Like taking Honor out of the city for a while. Up to his lodge, in the snow. Where he could keep her safe and they could be together, forget about all of this mess for a while.

“So? Why are you giving it to me?”

“Because I thought you might want to do some investigating of your own.”

His friend came to his feet in a sudden blur of movement, his blue eyes glowing with what looked like anger. “Why the hell would you think that?”

But Gabriel was already turning around, walking toward the door. “If you don’t want it, give it to Zac or Eva. They’re more than happy to continue searching. But your sister is more important to me than all that shit. I’ll be around to help if you need it but that’s it.”

Alex didn’t say a word but as Gabriel strode through the door, his gaze dropped to the dice.

He stared at them for a long moment.

Then he picked them up.