Millionaire in Command(19)

"What about Roger?" He stomped back any residual jealousy and watched her out of the corner of his eye.

"He  was a playwright, a really gifted one." She thumbed her wedding  ring  around and around. "I've always thought he would have made it big  if  he'd lived."

He couldn't miss how she talked about both Bianca  and Roger being the  spotlight sort yet didn't seem to see her own  special individuality.

"We all three had such big plans and  dreams in those days." She looked  down and he wondered if she felt some  of the same jealousy he'd  wrestled with. "I'm not really sure why I've  kept in touch with her,  but I'm glad I made the effort for the  occasional lunch out to catch  up. Otherwise, I never would have known  Nina." She looked over at him,  full on for the first time since they'd  made love. "What are you  thinking?"

"That maybe you kept up the  friendship with Bianca in spite of your  differences because you weren't  ready to let go of your husband."  Downshifting around a corner onto a  two-lane road, he hated the image  coming together in his mind. "Being  around her made you feel connected  to him. This way, you don't have to  let go and move on."

Pain flashed through her eyes. "Wow, that's pretty insightful for a card-carrying member of the testosterone club."

"That's me-Mr. Sensitive." What would have happened if he'd met Phoebe instead of Bianca? "So you've researched Mommying 101."

"There's a lot of information out there, scary information."

He pulled up outside the security gates leading into the Landis compound. "You still look worried."

"Of  course I'm concerned about her future," she said as the iron  barriers  swung open. "We may have kept her safe today, but until we  know where  Bianca stands, there's still so much uncertainty. I guess  what worries  me most is the uncertainty. If Nina is meant to be with  Bianca, of  course it will break my heart to let her go, but it's more  important  that she be settled somewhere, securely, permanently."

"Even if it's with Bianca?" He guided the car along the winding drive, oak trees and palmettos lining the way.

"Even if. There are so many frightening studies out there right now about attachment disorder. Have you heard of it?"

"Only in very general terms. It has something to do with kids not bonding, right?" He pulled up outside the garage.

"A  lot of the studies focus on babies that are neglected or abused.  When  they don't learn to bond as babies, it affects how they can bond  as  children and adults." She turned to face him, her face shadowy in  the  dark garage as the door closed behind them. "Nina hasn't been  neglected  or abused, but some of the studies also suggest there could  be  attachment issues when babies are shuffled from caregiver to  caregiver,  never having a chance to bond with anyone."                       
       
           



       

"And that's what you worry about with Nina."

She  stared down at her hands, twisting the diamond-studded wedding band   around her finger again. "All babies deserve security. I would do   anything to keep her safe. Anything."

Just that fast, it hit him.  Even if he'd met Phoebe before, she might  not have even consented to a  date. She'd only married him because of  Nina. Her loyalty to Nina-to her  dead husband even-might not extend as  far as him.

Anger crackled  inside him over the idea of just how far she may have  been willing to  go to secure Nina's future. "And was tonight about  doing anything to  make sure you don't lose Nina?"

Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. "Are you insinuating I would sleep with you just to keep Nina?"

Kyle  scrubbed a hand over his unshaven face, reason poking through his   anger. "Of course not. I know you better than that." His hand fell away   and he cupped the back of her neck again. "I'm trying to figure out  why  you're pulling away after some of the most amazing sex ever."

She  looked away, but at least she didn't dodge his hand this time.  "This is  difficult for me, being with someone again." A long swallow  moved her  throat. "You've always had a large family to depend on, so  maybe you  don't get what it's like losing the only person in your  world. We only  had each other. He was a foster child and both my  parents died before I  finished college. Dad died from complications  during a routine surgery  and Mother basically grieved herself to  death."

"I'm sorry." He started massaging her neck again, finding deep and unrelenting kinks.

"It  was a long time ago, but I still miss them. Especially at times  like  this. They would have enjoyed Nina so much." She smiled  bittersweetly.  "But you understand that, don't you, having lost your  father?"

He  nodded, his dad's death still as tough today as it had been when he  was  a confused and grieving teen. How much worse it must be to lose a   spouse. "How did your husband die? You said he drowned, but there must   be more to the story than that."


She blinked fast even though  her eyes were dry. "We'd both been working  too hard. I was finishing up  grad school, and he took on a second job  to help pay my tuition. We  decided to spend an afternoon at the beach.  The day was beautiful, sun  shining, but the wind was heavy, making for  red-flag swimming  conditions. So we just picnicked."

"What went wrong?"

Fresh  tension kinked in her neck under his fingers all over again. He   resisted the notion there might be nothing he could do to help her   through this.

"Two tourists tried to surf the waves in spite of the warning. One of the guys got caught in the riptide and called for help."

"Your husband answered the call." God, he couldn't even resent the guy anymore.

"He would have made it out, too, but the surfboard hit him on the head. It was a freak accident."

Still, she blinked fast against dry eyes and he realized she'd already cried herself dry over the man.

"You really loved him."

She  nodded simply, reaching up to link her fingers with his. "Love that   strong doesn't just go away." She cleared her throat and plastered a   brittle smile on her face. "So don't worry about me misunderstanding   what happened back in the airplane. I understand our marriage is   short-term. You've made that clear enough from the beginning."

"What  if we stayed married?" The words fell out before he'd even formed  the  thought. But once said, it made total sense. "We've got a great  thing  going here. Amazing sex, a friendship, security. We're both so   independent we won't need to live in each other's back pocket. You want   clear? Okay, let's stay married."

She watched him with sad eyes. "What about love? You might find it one day and be sorry."

"No,"  he insisted, backing away from even the thought. "I have my  future  mapped out and it's too transitory for any woman to put up with.  We'll  have different expectations in a partnership."                       
       
           



       

He didn't know why  this mattered so much, had never thought about  extending the marriage  before now. But the possessiveness fisting in  his chest wouldn't  retreat.

Kyle angled closer, the perfect argument coming to mind  to win this  battle. Defeat was suddenly, deeply unpalatable. "You could  have more  children one day. You're a natural mother."

She gasped. In shock or horror? "Are you presenting yourself as a sperm donor?"

"What if I'm offering that, and more?" His question filled the space between them with possibilities.

And  she didn't say no outright. Confusion scrolled across her face and  he  prepped his next line of persuasion. Victory hovered so damn close-

The phone rang from the depths of her bag.

She  startled in her seat. "That can only be about Nina this late." She   avoided his eyes and dug in the bag at her feet until she found her   phone. "Hello?"

"Phoebe?" a female voice shrieked so loudly from the other end of the line Kyle could hear clearly. "Phoebe, is that you?"

The  voice slammed him back in his seat. It couldn't be. Not now. But   Phoebe's terrified eyes confirmed what he already suspected.

Bianca was alive and well on the other end of that phone line.