Midnight Sun(98)

on what was real and solid, on anything that would keep Alice's deceitful, meaningless visions out of my
head.
We passed Angela Weber, lingering on the sidewalk, discussing an assignment with a boy from her
Trigonometry class. I scanned her thoughts perfunctorily, expecting more disappointment, only to be
surprised by their wistful tenor.
Ah, so there was something Angela wanted. Unfortunately, it wasn't something that could be easily giftwrapped.
I felt strangely comforted for a moment, hearing Angela's hopeless yearning. A sense of kinship that
Angela would never know about passed through me, and I was, in that second, at one with the kind
human girl.
It was oddly consoling to know that I wasn't the only one living out a tragic love story. Heartbreak was
everywhere.
In the next second, I was abruptly and thoroughly irritated. Because Angela's story didn't have to be
tragic. She was human and he was human and the difference that seemed so insurmountable in her
head was ridiculous, truly ridiculous compared to my own situation. There was no point in her broken
heart. What a wasteful sadness, when there was no valid reason for her not to be with the one she
wanted. Why shouldn't she have what she wanted? Why shouldn't this one story have a happy ending?
I wanted to give her a gift... Well, I would give her what she wanted. Knowing what I did of human
nature, it probably wouldn't even be very difficult. I sifted through the consciousness of the boy beside
her, the object of her affections, and he did not seem unwilling, he was just stymied by the same
difficulty she was. Hopeless and resigned, the way she was.
All I would have to do was plant the suggestion...
The plan formed easily, the script wrote itself without effort on my part. I would need Emmett's helpgetting
him to go along with this was the only real difficulty.
Human nature was so much easier to manipulate than vampire nature. I was pleased with my solution,
with my gift for Angela. It was a nice diversion from my own problems. Would that mine were as easily
fixed.
My mood was slightly improved as Bella and I took our seats. Maybe I should be more positive. Maybe
there was some solution out there for us that was escaping me, the way Angela's obvious solution was
so invisible to her. Not likely... But why waste time with hopelessness? I didn't have time to waste when
it came to Bella. Each second mattered.
Mr. Banner entered pulling an ancient TV and VCR. He was skipping through a section he wasn't
particularly interested in-genetic disorders-by showing a movie for the next three days. Lorenzo's Oil
was not a very cheerful piece, but that didn't stop the excitement in the room. No notes, no test-able
material. Three free days. The humans exulted.
It didn't matter to me, either way. I hadn't been planning on paying any attention to anything but Bella.
I did not pull my chair away from hers today, to give myself space to breathe.
Instead, I sat close beside her like any normal human would. Closer than we sat inside my car, close
enough that the left side of my body felt submerged in the heat from her skin.
It was a strange experience, both enjoyable and nerve-racking, but I preferred this to sitting across the
table from her. It was more than I was used to, and yet I quickly realized that it was not enough. I was
not satisfied. Being this close to her only made me want to be closer still. The pull was stronger the
closer I got.
I had accused her of being a magnet for danger. Right now, it felt like that was the literal truth. I was
danger, and, with every inch I allowed myself nearer to her, her attraction grew in force.
And then Mr. Banner turned the lights out.
It was odd how much of a difference this made, considering that the lack of light meant little to my eyes.
I could still see just as perfectly as before. Every detail of the room was clear.
So why the sudden shock of electricity in the air, in this dark that was not dark to me? Was it because I
knew that I was the only one who could see clearly? That both Bella and I were invisible to the others?
Like we were alone, just the two of us, hidden in the dark room, sitting so close beside one another...
My hand moved toward her without my permission. Just to touch her hand, to hold it in the darkness.
Would that be such a horrific mistake? If my skin bothered her, she only had to pull away...
I yanked my hand back, folded my arms tightly across my chest and clenched my hands closed. No
mistakes. I'd promised myself that I would make no mistakes, no matter how minimal they seemed. If I
held her hand, I would only want more-another insignificant touch, another move closer to her. I could
feel that. A new kind of desire was growing in me, working to override my self-control.
No mistakes.
Bella folded her arms securely across her own chest, and her hands balled up into fists, just like mine.
What are you thinking? I was dying to whisper the words to her, but the room was too quiet to get away