Mayhem (Deathstalkers MC #5)(26)

I stand up, needing to move. There's too much nervous energy pent up inside me. "How the hell will me acting like her husband help?"

Lucy shakes her head. "I didn't say act like her husband, but you can't give her too long of a leash. You need to give her her freedom back, little by little. Give her a small choice to make each day. It's not going to be quick, and it won't be easy. I can't do it. She's been controlled by that jerk for so long she needs someone to take his place." She looks at me. "And that's you."

I let her words sink in. Being this for Jasmine . . . it's going to be hard, Dylan is so similar to the way my father was. Trying to be that for her will bring up a bunch of shit I have tried to bury. "Thanks, Luce. I appreciate it."

She gives me a quick hug. Whip offers me a nod, adding, "Anything, brother. Any time," and they walk out of the room. I wait a moment, hearing the front door open and close, before I blow out the breath I've been holding for what feels like hours.

Am I ready for this? Deep down I know it's not the same, but am I really ready to be the person I've spent my whole life hating?

Jasmine is still sitting on the couch, her back ramrod straight, her face giving nothing away. For the briefest moment I baulk. Then I catch sight of her eye. Her swollen lip. That fucking cut on her lip. And I realize that just because I have to give her rules, doesn't mean I have to be like him. I can tell her to do things without following the order up with a fist or a slap. I can show her what it's like to be an equal. It'll take time, but something inside me tells me she's worth it.

Of that, I'm sure.

Rules.

She needs them so I will give them to her. As tiring as it will be, I will lead her through this. I will make it so she doesn't need to be told what to do. "First rule. Always look at me unless I tell you different. Understand?"

Her eyes dart up. "Yes, sir," she says softly.

"No, you do not refer to me as sir. If you want to address me, you use my name."

She nods.

"Now follow me." I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge door. "What would you like to eat?"



       
         
       
        

Her mouth opens and closes, her chest rising and falling with ragged breaths. Her eyes twinkle, brightening with fear. "I . . . I . . ." Bursts of air leave her mouth. She swallows hard and her skin starts to turn red. She's panicking.

I bite back a huff of frustration at the fact that Dylan screwed up her mind so bad that she can't even form her own opinions. I force down the anger that wants to come out and take a breath before I walk over to her.

Her gaze meets mine, her teeth chewing her bottom lip.

"Panic attack?" I ask gently, grazing my thumb over her mouth, pulling the sensitive skin away from her teeth. If I do nothing else, I will show her that being touched isn't always associated with pain.

"I don't know."

"Have you ever had one before?"

"I … " She shrugs. "I don't know."

I step closer, maintaining eye contact as I lift her chin between my thumb and forefinger. "Do you feel like this a lot?" A stray hair falls forward, covering her face. I move to tuck it behind her ear. She won't be hiding herself anymore, either.

"Only when I'm not meeting expectation," she says, almost like she is reading from a script.

Watching her like this, I almost need to remind myself to breathe, and even when I do, the air burns my lungs. "How long?"

"It's the only way I know. Before doesn't matter."

Fuck that, it does. But I won't press anymore. Not yet.

I have to take this one step at a time.

I will train her to be herself.

Whatever it takes, however long it takes, we will get back the part of her soul Dylan stole from her.

I will help her live.





Chapter Eleven


Jasmine





I wake up in Cutter's bed not really remembering how I got here. I was so exhausted after the panic attack yesterday that I probably passed out really quickly. My stomach grumbles. I need to eat something, but that fear is still there. I don't really know how or if I will ever move past it.

I'm lost.

When you live your life within the lines for so long, living on a blank page is worse than any demon imaginable.

I walk out into the living room and see Cutter in the kitchen. He offers me a small smile and I walk toward him. "Come here." He extends a hand and when I take it, he pulls me toward him. But my legs don't quite get the message and I stumble. "You need to eat. I expect you to keep yourself healthy. Do you understand?"

"Yes." My eyes are on the floor until I remember his rule. Snapping them up, I meet his gaze. While he radiates dominance, he doesn't seem to crave my fear the way Dylan did. I knew how to please Dylan. I don't know how to please Cutter yet, and that makes me nervous.