Marco (The Men of Indecent Exposure #1)(37)

I thought about it and, thanks to my mother teaching me how to be  financially savvy, I was doing okay. Granted, I had to cut back on a few  things and tap into my savings, but as far as I was concerned, that's  what it was there for-a rainy day. At least my retirement funds were  still intact. I won't lie and say I wasn't feeling the weight of being  unemployed, but I wasn't destitute.

I was determined to do this on my own, without anyone's assistance. The  only thing I did agree to let Marco help me with was my health  insurance. He was right; I couldn't take any chances with that. He came  over a little more than a week ago, the day after I told him everything,  and we went over a few different plan options. Of course, he insisted  on a much more expensive one than I deemed necessary, but in the end, he  won.

Marco.

I thought his name and a smile appeared. This happened often since the  kiss. It was only that once and, no, things between us weren't  incredibly different, but …  I thought about it often. I liked that things  hadn't changed. He didn't all of a sudden think we were together and  neither did I. That made this all so much more natural, our ‘whatever  happens, happens' outlook.

Against my better judgment, I'd even told Mona that part when sharing  with her how things went at his parents' house. She was surprised,  especially seeing as how I hadn't mentioned to her that my feelings were  changing leading up to the incident. Either way, she wasn't judging,  but did tell me to be careful-about getting too attached, about  confusing my feelings because I'm with child-which was very close to  what Naseem said, but in a far less accusatory way. I assured her I was  thinking as clearly as ever and she dropped it.

A tone in my ear pulled me from my thoughts. "Hold on a sec. I have a  beep." I glanced at my screen and read Naseem's name. Speak of the  Devil. We hadn't spoken in weeks-actually, it'd been a little more than a  month now. The line beeped again and I contemplated, remembering how  our last conversation had gone. With a sigh, I decided to answer.

"Hey, I'll hit you back. I need to get this."

"Okay, but don't forget me. We still need to discuss our plans for my  birthday," Mona said just before letting me go, reminding me of her  upcoming visit. I assured her I'd call as soon as I could and the next  voice I heard on the line was Naseem's.

He responded to my dry, "Hello?" with an equally unsure, "Hey."

I turned over on my side, wondering what was up, wondering how this  would go seeing as how we ended on such a sour note last time. He hadn't  tried to call or text in a week, not since he blew my phone up the day I  went to meet Marco's family, so I had no idea what frame of mind he was  in.

"Did I wake you?" he asked.

"No, I was actually-" I stopped there just before sharing too much.  Naseem didn't know I lost my job and I wanted to keep it that way. There  were already enough people in my business and I was trying to keep the  number to a minimum. Although Naseem and I weren't on the best of terms  right now, I knew that wouldn't have stopped him from trying to spring  into action like Marco and Mona had done. Already, too many were trying  to come to my aid, so I changed the rest of my response. Instead of  disclosing that I'd just finished submitting my resume, I kept my answer  vague.

"I was actually just lying here trying to shake a headache," I replied, which wasn't a lie; it just wasn't the whole truth.

"Hm... Well, seeing as how I haven't heard back from you, I'm assuming you've been busy."

There was a snide undertone to the comment that wasn't lost on me. Busy  didn't even describe how my life had been. It seemed like I was  constantly online looking for work or doing light work around the house  as I tried to get things organized to make room for the baby and her  things. Surprisingly, I was busier without a job than I was when I had  one. Then there's the fatigue and the headaches and the dizziness, which  all slowed me down even more. This little girl was draining me.         

     



 

"Yeah, you could say that," was my answer. "How've you been?"

"Fine, I suppose." His response was extremely passive aggressive and I picked up on it right away. After that, silence.

I took a deep breath at the realization that hit me. We were really in  this place-with this animosity gnawing at the edges of our relationship.  You couldn't have paid me to believe Naseem and I could've ended up  here. That's how tight we were once upon a time. But now we just  couldn't seem to exist in one another's lives lately without there being  some sort of issue. Now, he was upset, I was upset, and neither of us  thought we were in the wrong.

"Listen, Naseem-"

"I think we should talk."

We both spoke at the same time, but I decided to let him go first. It  sounded like he had an angle, although I had yet to figure out what it  was.

"Go ahead," I offered.

"Our last talk has just been weighing on me," he started, leaving me to  wonder if he felt remorseful for insulting me. "I keep going over it in  my mind and I can't figure out why it ended the way it did, which is why  I tried to text last week. I wanted us to deal with it then, but I got  the impression you had better things to do."

I sat there, letting his words sink in before I spoke. If he didn't  understand why it ended badly, then he still didn't see where he'd been  wrong.

"Naseem, I don't think you even realize how you came at me that day," I  said back. "I guess I should've known you were asking all those  questions about Marco for a reason, but I hadn't realized it was to  build a case against him. Silly me, thought you were just looking out  for me."

"Brynn, are you-" He paused midsentence and I knew he was trying to calm  himself. "That is all I'm trying to do. You got so defensive over one  question."

"It was more than that, Naseem. You were trying to back me into a  corner; trying to force me to let you into a part of my life that I  shouldn't have to explain to you or anyone else. Whatever happens  between me and Marco is between us."

When I finished speaking, Naseem held the phone in silence at first, but  then he repeated one word from my statement: "Us. That's interesting."

Feeling exasperated, I closed my eyes and let out a breath. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," he countered. "You tell me. I'm not the one who said it."

He was reading so much more into this than I was putting out there.  Granted, yes, I was starting to see potential in Marco that I didn't see  before, but in no way did my statement allude to any of that. This was  simply Naseem making something out of nothing.

"You know what? I can't talk to you when you're being like this. Maybe we need more time," I suggested.

"Can't talk to me when I'm being like what?" he shot back, sounding frustrated.

"Petty!" I answered. "You're being petty, Naseem, and I don't even know if you see what you're doing, but I do."

"Oh, really," he scoffed. "And what is it that I'm doing exactly?"

When did he start acting so damn childish?

It felt like the room was spinning and I probably should've dropped the  conversation, but I couldn't. He was being so pigheaded I had to get my  point across.

"You're jealous," I blurted. "And I think I've been more than sensitive  to your feelings, but this is all you. You're letting your feelings,  your emotions, get in the way and you're ruining any chance we could  have at a normal, functioning friendship."

He let out a short laugh, a cynical one. "You've just got all the answers, I see."

"No," I corrected, "but I know you well enough to recognize the ‘words  of caution' you gave last time weren't for me. They weren't to protect  me," I clarified. "That was about you."

He fell silent again.

I was breathing heavily and working so hard not to yell, but I was full.  I'd been holding this in for a while now and it was all spilling out. I  loved Naseem in the purest way imaginable. He was one of my best  friends, but I'd done more than tread lightly over his feelings.

"You're having a hard time accepting Marco's role in my life and I get  that, but he's not going anywhere," I stated, hoping Naseem would  understand that. "And I also understand that me being pregnant wasn't  easy to digest either, but …  this isn't the result of me being Marco's  fool," I clarified, remembering how that statement had been Naseem's  most hurtful. "He didn't take advantage of me that night, or any other  night. We did this," I said firmly. "And I won't let you or anyone else  make me feel ashamed."         

     



 

When I finished, I was practically panting. That was it. That was all I had to say.

Several seconds of silence passed between us and I used them to reflect  on our conversation thus far. It wasn't going well, but it wasn't going  poorly either. I supposed the best thing coming out of it was that  Naseem and I were both finally being heard.