Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes(184)

He stopped an looked at me. ‘Wha did you say?’ His eyes narrowed, but I didn’t care.

‘I don’t belong te you! Ye’re not me father! I’ll tell the police all about ye if ye don’t let me go.’ I was stiffenin meself an starin at him, tryin te get me breath.

He blinked, then ground his teeth in a snarl, an I went tighter, waitin fer his fist te fly at me. Then he caught his breath, an his face sagged. ‘Look, ye’re a good kid, just tell me where Sally is. I’m lost without her,’ an he started te cry.

I stared at him, keepin me face straight. Yer soft soap won’t work wit me, I thought, waitin fer him te relax his grip, an I was off. I looked aroun te see if anyone would help me. Then I saw me ma puttin her head aroun the corner. Ah, fuck! Why is she there? Jackser looked in the same direction, lettin go of me, an I took off as he chased her, screamin, ‘I’ve got ye now, ye whore!’

I tore up Parnell Street, lookin back te see Jackser grab a hold a me ma an pin her against the wall. I slowed down an stopped. He has her! Jaysus! What am I goin te do? I rushed back, stoppin a few feet away. Now he was roarin inta her face an pointin te the sky. ‘They’re gone, ye whore, gone!’

‘Where are they?’ me ma was askin, white as a sheet an shakin.

‘I fucked them inta a home. Wha did ye think I’d do? They’re split up in all directions. Did ye really think I was goin te take care of them? Did ya?’ he screamed.

‘But where are the childre now?’ me ma asked, shakin like mad.

‘I told ye, ye’re not listenin te me. They’ve all been put inta different homes,’ he roared, stabbin the air wit his pointed finger an lookin at her wit his eyes starin an his jaw droppin open, soundin very satisfied wit himself. Me ma started te cry. ‘It’s too late fer tha now, Mrs,’ he said, standin back from her. ‘An I’m on me way over te the Corporation now te hand them back the keys of the house.’

‘I want te see the childre,’ me ma said, lookin at him. ‘Where are they?’

Jackser stepped inta me ma’s face again. He had an evil sneer on his face, an he said quietly, ‘Ye won’t be seein them again. They’re gone fer good. I signed them away, as you’re not fit te take care a them. Remember, whore! You were the one tha abandoned them! An ye’ve no home te take them to. So you can fuck off now. Cos I’ve already got another woman lined up fer meself,’ an he laughed, throwin his head back.

Me ma stared at him, tryin te work out wha was happenin. ‘Yeah!’ he said, shakin his head slowly at her an laughin again. ‘They’re gone, every last one of them, an you’ll never find them. Ye can start searchin, Mrs, but they won’t tell ye fuck all.’

Me ma looked at me in desperation. ‘Jaysus Christ! The childre are gone, ye poxy bastard,’ she roared at him. He sneered at her, enjoyin himself. ‘An ye’re goin te give up the keys of the house? Ye can’t do tha! Tha’s my home, too.’

‘No, Mrs! Ye’re wrong there,’ he said happily. ‘Tha house is in my name. An I can do what I fuckin well like.’

Me ma was blinkin like mad, tryin te think. ‘Ma, tell him, tell him, Ma, you were comin back te him. Tell him ye missed him an the childre!’ I looked at him. ‘Jackser, she missed ya! She never stopped talkin about ya!’

The bastard’s face lit up, an he looked at me ma. She looked at me, ‘Yeah,’ she said, blinkin at him an chewin on her lip.

‘Well, tha’s different. Tha’s a different story altogether! If I thought ye were back fer good, an I knew ye’d never try anythin like tha again, maybe I’d see me way te lettin ye back. But there would be changes, mind! Ye’re not gettin off tha easily!’

‘Yeah!’ me ma said, noddin agreement. ‘So let’s go, then. I want te get the childre back. We’ll go now.’

Jackser snuffled happily an looked at me, noddin away, agreein wit everythin tha was bein said. ‘Right! The first place is Cheeverstown. Tha’s where Dinah an the babby is. An you! Go on home. Charlie will let ye in. I kept him back te look after the house.’

‘Ye didn’t put Charlie away?’ me ma said, lookin confused.

‘No, he’s your bastard, an I needed him te get me messages. Go on! Are ye still here?’

‘I’ve no money fer the bus fare.’

He put his hand in his pocket an took out two pennies an threw them at me. ‘Here, get runnin fer tha bus.’

I sat on the bus lookin out the winda seein nothin. Caught! Just like tha. An everythin’s gone. We couldn’t let him give up the house, cos he’s right, the bastard. We’d never get the childre back. At least this way we have a chance. We can try te find a place of our own once we have the childre. An poor Charlie! He kept him wit him. Tha child is only six. He wouldn’t be able te do much, an Jackser was sure te beat the hell outa him. I looked up, an the bus was comin te my stop. I jumped up, an the conductor banged the bell wit his fist. I didn’t wait fer the bus te stop. I held onta the bar an jumped off backwards when it started te slow down. An then I ran forwards te keep me balance. The conductor thumped the bell again, an the bus picked up speed without stoppin. I like doin tha, cos it tests me te see how fast I am on me feet. I’m always testin meself. Jumpin off high walls, climbin things. If I’m afraid of somethin, then I have te have a go, to test meself an beat it.