Lust(27)

I finished the book at almost three in the morning and immediately  bought the next, Honey Whiskey. I read about four chapters before  falling asleep with my iPad in my hand. I told myself I needed to read  it to get more into character, but that was a complete fabrication. I  wasn't an actor and would probably never do this Matty character  justice, but I was sure Ivy had read it and wanted to impress her.

The other reason was that Matty was dominant in bed, and I felt we had  that in common. Reading the sex scenes made me imagine Ivy; it made me  imagine the things I could do to her …  things I knew she wanted to have  done to her. I wanted to mark her skin the way Matty marked Joes'. I  wanted bruise her nipples and leave them sore the way Joes had described  hers as feeling.

The entire book consumed me, picturing Ivy with every word.

My only hope was to get through the night without taking our role playing game too far.





Dara, one of my newer clients, sat in my office on Friday afternoon. I  had only been seeing her for a few weeks, and I felt confident I  wouldn't need to see her much longer. Her case was simple. She had zero  self-worth and even less self-confidence. Her brothers and their friends  had teased her mercilessly growing up and it damaged the way she viewed  herself. There really wasn't anything wrong with her and I couldn't  quite understand why she felt that way, but I guess some people are weak  and take hateful words too seriously.

Treating Dara was easy. I had taken her to a department store one day  and had the woman at the makeup counter work on her some. It didn't take  much, showing her how to apply a small amount of makeup yet still look  good. That was my thing. I hated women that wore too much makeup. All it  did was cause me to question what was under it all. It reminded me too  much of a mask and irritated the shit out of me. But with a little color  and some black shit on her eyes, she looked great. Then we went to her  size in the clothes-which in my opinion was average size, yet she seemed  to think she was big-and I picked out a few outfits to try on. It was  for the sole purpose to show her what looked good on her. I guess  hearing me tell her she looked sexy boosted her ego some.

She was looking and dressing better than she had a few weeks ago when  she first stepped foot in my office. All we had left to do was take the  clothes off. Feeling confident while fully dressed was the first step,  but it didn't mean shit if she couldn't feel that way without a stitch  of clothing on. After all, my profession was sex.

"Let's start small, Dara. Unbutton your shirt," I ordered from my chair.

With her eyes cast down to her fingers, she began to slowly unbutton her  shirt. Normally, this was fun to watch, but I wasn't enjoying it as  much as I used to. Instead of watching her skin slowly peek through the  material, my mind began to wander …  wondering what Ivy would look like as  she took off her clothes.

"Look at me when you do it," I said, hoping if I had the attention of  her eyes, I could stay focused on Dara instead of the images of Ivy that  filled my mind. "That's good. Don't look away from my eyes, no matter  where I'm looking. I want to see you."

Finally, her shirt was fully unbuttoned and hanging loosely at her sides.

"Good, now take it off." My voice was hard and deep. I'm sure to her  ears I was completely turned on, which wasn't a bad thing since my goal  was to give her confidence. But in reality, I was trying to focus my  attention on her. I was concentrating, not fighting my inner urges. "Now  the skirt. Stand and unzip it; let it fall to the floor."

Dara did as she was told and I watched as her skirt fell to the carpet  by her feet. My mouth watered as I wondered what Ivy would be wearing  that night, and if it were a skirt, I thought about watching it fall  away from her body. With some determination and control, I pulled my  eyes back to Dara's and smiled, giving her a boost to her ego.

Her cheeks were red, reminding me of Ivy's when she got embarrassed.

Fuck! I needed to stop thinking about her and focus on the woman in front of me.

"Stand up straight, shoulders back," I demanded and she did as she was  told. "You want to be seen as sexy? Nothing is sexier than confidence.  Slouching is not confident." As I spoke, she stood taller, straighter,  and popped her hip out. Yes, that was sexy.         

     



 

I stood from my chair and walked over to where she was standing. My  fingers reached out and pulled the strap from her bra off her shoulder  while watching her face. Her eyes shot away and I had to remind her to  again to look at me. I ran a finger across her stomach, making her hold  her breath until I was done.

Usually, things like this caused some kind of attention in my pants-a  twitch or something-but not this time. Instead, I was more focused on  doing my job than what my job usually did to me. It was strange, but I  couldn't help but think it had something to do with Ivy.

Dara proceeded to remove the remainder of her clothes, standing in front  of me with absolutely nothing on except her heels. Looking at her, she  was sexy, but she wasn't the one I wanted to look at. She had everything  I loved to see on a woman, large breasts that hadn't been taken down by  gravity yet, curvy hips that were made to grab, and a round ass,  perfect for leaving red handprints on. But it wasn't what I wanted to  see.

I instructed Dara to get dressed again and then wrapped up the session,  informing her she cleared. My admission seemed to have taken her by  surprise because she looked sad at the knowledge of not coming back.  When asked what was wrong, she shyly told me she thought we would do  more.

I could have done more with her, but I knew it was wrong. Ethically  speaking, she didn't have an issue with sex, only with herself. So there  was no need to take it to that step. The other reason was more  difficult to admit to myself, though. After seeing Ivy, and after being  with Alyssa the other night, I didn't have much of a desire for it  anymore. I mean, I had the desire, but only for one person. And I needed  to get that out of my system before I could move on.

The rest of the day was a blur as I counted down the time until I could  see Ivy. Different scenarios ran through my head, all of them ending  with me buried deep inside of her. I knew that couldn't happen, and I  knew I couldn't call Alyssa to relieve me before I picked Ivy up, so I  was left with taking care of myself in the shower …  twice. I only hoped  that was enough to keep me away from her.

*****

The club was dark, loud, and crowded, just as I told Ivy it would be. I  thought it would be good for her, but it proved to work out best in my  favor. The darkness allowed me to look at her in ways she should have  never seen me doing. The noise level kept us from talking too much,  since I didn't trust myself with words around her while she was wearing  skin-tight leggings and a really low-cut top that gave her an illusion  of having cleavage. And the crowd kept her eyes busy as I stole illicit  glances her way.

I ordered us each a drink, knowing I had to limit my intake, and then  sat on a couch against the wall near the dance floor. I had given myself  permission to have three drinks with nothing other than water for the  last hour we would be there. It wasn't my typical rule, but it was  needed. Without the alcohol, I knew I would be too rigid around her, but  if I had too much, I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself. And I  knew Ivy would need something to loosen her up as well. I convinced  myself that we needed a few drinks and didn't allow the dark voice in my  head to tell me how wrong it was.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to act," Ivy yelled near my ear so that I could hear her.

"Act like Joes," I replied with a smile only I knew what it meant.

"I don't know how to act like her."

I didn't know what she meant by that. Joes had self-esteem issues and so  did Ivy; I would assume she would know how to act. I leaned in closer  to her ear and asked, "What would she do right now? If this was the  book, what would she be doing?"

Her brows pinched together as she looked at me. "Before the bar scene or after?"

I knew exactly what she was talking about. I had the picture of that  scene pinned to my metaphorical corkboard in my mind since reading it.  "For the sake of having a good time, after."

"Then she would suck this drink down and dance. Then she'd go home with Matty."

She completely took me by surprise with that. I glanced at her glass and  realized it was halfway gone, and wondered just how much of a  lightweight she was. "Then suck away, Joes." Wrong thing to say. Once  those words left my lips, all I could picture was her sucking …  and the  bulge in my pants knew it wasn't her drink.

"You're not really acting like I imagined Matty would."

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to look away. "From what I gather of  the dude, he'd be fucking you on the dance floor. And from what I gather  of you, you wouldn't like that too much." I looked back at her and  caught her wide eyes. "Am I wrong?"