Loving Jack(9)

 

"I just told you I'm not feeling up to this shit," Jack barked at Victor, who stepped back looking wounded.

"You really are feeling bad, aren't you?" Victor asked. He looked down  at Jack's crotch in disappointment before taking Jack's hand. Jack  looked into the darkness of the room to find Grace before he was tugged  down the hall.

Grace really hoped he couldn't see her standing there alone in the  shadows. As soon as Victor touched Jack the tears had begun to flow. She  couldn't do this. She just couldn't compete with every other woman and  the men in Jack's life. She should have listened when he told her he  wasn't ready to be monogamous. But when he'd approached her with  jealousy and need burning in his touch, Grace had foolishly hoped Jack  had changed his mind. He hadn't.

Shame washed over Grace like acid. Victor said ‘our room'. They were  staying together. She'd just put all of herself into making love to  Jack. And he would be sharing a bed with Victor tonight. She just  couldn't do this to herself. It was over, here and now. Grace was going  home for the rest of her winter break. She'd find a way to pay her  parents back for this wasted trip. She would also need to find a way to  forget about Jack.

A noise in the hall drew her attention away from her embarrassment.  Grace stilled and tried not to breathe too loudly. She didn't want to be  discovered hiding in the office. A dark head poked around the door and  searched the darkness. He found her huddled there and seemed to take in  the situation instantly. He knew she'd made a mistake.

"There you are." Luke's soothing voice reached her through the shadows.  "I've been waiting for you. Let's get you back to your room. Things will  look better in the morning."

With an arm wrapped tightly around her shoulder, Luke got her back to  her room. She produced a key card from her purse but couldn't get the  damn door open. Luke took the key and had the door open and Grace inside  in a flash. She kicked off her shoes and just stood there. She was glad  Luke was with her but she didn't really want to talk. She just wanted  to sleep. He took over, pulling her dress over her head and directing  her to the bed. He tucked her in like a child and stepped into the  bathroom. He brought a glass of water back and set it on the nightstand.  Then he leaned over the bed and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Things will look brighter in the morning," he told her before switching out the light and exiting the room.

Grace really hoped Luke was right about that. She rolled to her side and  did her best not to think about ever-changing eyes and diamond  earrings.





THREE





Grace was getting back into the swing of things at school after winter  break. It was time to buckle down and prepare for the end of her college  career. She was so close to earning her MBA she could almost taste it.  After her visit home Grace felt like she was grounded once again and  back to feeling more like herself. Her newfound friendship with Luke was  also blossoming. Luke was also a business major and it was nice to have  a study partner who could keep up with her.

She still thought of Jack constantly, but every time his captivating,  ever-changing blue-green eyes crept into her mind Grace remembered  seeing him being kissed by Victor. After Jack let Victor pull him down  the hall that night Grace had collapsed to the office floor. The  combination of shame for allowing him to have her again, mortification  because she'd used the L word, and the heart wrenching knowledge that  she would never be with Jack like that again had taken Grace's legs  right out from under her. If it hadn't been for Luke she never would  have made it back to her room.

Grace also thought of how crushed she'd felt when she saw Jack with his  blond bestie. Sickening jealousy and a sense of inferiority were the two  overwhelming emotions that'd ruled her when Jack had the dazzling woman  in his arms on the dance floor. She now stood in front of the long  mirror mounted on her closet door. She was attractive but not a  bombshell like the blond. Jessie didn't agree, but Grace knew the truth.  She just couldn't compete with all that Jack already had in his life.

Jack was a stunning man who needed more than she would provide. It was a  fact that she was learning to accept, especially after their bout of  sex at the mountain top bar. He'd left her standing alone in the dark  after a mind blowing experience that still haunted her. Protecting his  boyfriend's feelings took precedence over exploring their budding  relationship. Grace supposed that was only right. Victor seemed to be  accepting of Jack and his non-monogamous needs. Grace wanted to change  Jack. He couldn't have made his feelings any more clear when he walked  away that night if he'd screamed them at her. Grace could take a hint.  She wouldn't go down that road again.         

     



 

"Are you brooding again?" Jessie asked from her bed. "You've been  staring at yourself for ten minutes. If I didn't know better I'd think  you were vain," she teased.

Grace took a deep breath and tried again to push thoughts of Jack from her mind. "I guess I was brooding." She shrugged.

There was no sense in lying to herself or Jessie. They both settled in  to study for the night. Grace had a paper due the next day and she  needed to go over it again and tighten it up a bit. Music played quietly  from Jessie's phone while they engrossed themselves in their work.  Grace was so absorbed that she was startled when someone knocked on  their door.

"I'll get it," she told Jessie, who was buried under a pile of books and papers.

Grace opened the door and her lungs froze. She wasn't sure what was more  surprising, Jack being at her door, or the fact that he was crying. He  looked down at her through ocean colored eyes and wet lashes. Tears  stained his cheeks and his breath was ragged, as if he were attempting  to hold back a sob.

She had no idea what was causing Jack so much pain but Grace could not  stand seeing him so distraught. She grabbed the hand he had fisted at  his side and pulled him into the room. Jack noticed Jessie and put some  effort into drying his face with the sleeve of his coat. Grace stepped  into his space and wrapped her arms around his waist.

She feared one of Jack's lovers had left him and he was mourning the  loss. It would also cause her pain to hear him talk of his hurt over  another person, but the sheer agony in his eyes was enough to stiffen  her spine. She could do this for him. She could be a friend in his time  of need. She might need therapy later but for now she would focus on  Jack.

Jack wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her shoulder.  The sob he'd been holding at bay broke loose. Jack shook with the force  of his sorrow and clutched her to his chest. She held him tight and  rubbed her hands up and down his back in a soothing gesture. From behind  her Grace heard the door quietly open and close. Jessie had packed up  her books and crept out of the room to give them some privacy. Grace  just held onto Jack until his crying slowed and he took a deep lungful  of air to settle himself. He didn't lift his head from her shoulder when  he finally spoke.

"It's my dad," he sniffled. "My dad is gone. He had a heart attack  yesterday." He was quiet then and Grace led him to her bed for a seat.

His words sank in slowly. This was not what she'd expected. No, this was  far, far worse. He wasn't heartbroken over a lost love. Jack was  grieving the loss of his father. Grace briefly imagined her life without  her gruff but loving father. The thought was too painful to do more  than just give as a passing examination. Tears filled her eyes and  escaped her lashes.

Grace enclosed Jack in her arms again and just held on tight while he  crumbled. There was nothing she could say that would soothe his pain. No  platitudes of regret would even be remembered. So she did the only  thing she knew how to do. Grace loved him through it. She tugged him  down and they lay there in a mournful embrace. She stroked his back and  kissed his forehead.

Jack wept and cursed the universe for taking his father too soon. He  clutched her to his chest and prayed aloud. He told his father all of  the things he wished he would have said when he was here to listen. It  was in this diatribe that Grace learned more about the tension between  Jack and his father. She knew from their conversation that night in the  diner that Jack's father didn't approve of Jack's chosen profession. His  father was a military man and he'd hoped his sons would follow in his  footsteps. Jack's older brother had but Jack knew the life of an officer  and a gentleman wasn't for him. As Jack verbalized the sadness in his  heart Grace realized that Jack's sexual orientation was also an issue  for his dad. Jack was expressing regret for having been such a  disappointment to his father.

"Jack, honey, don't do that to yourself. Your father may not have  understood your choices but that doesn't make them wrong. We all fear  what we don't understand. From all you've told me I know your dad loved  you very much. He was doing what dads do. He was trying to keep you from  making what might have been a mistake in his eyes. That doesn't mean he  didn't love you anymore. It shows just how deep his love for you ran.  He didn't turn his back on you, did he?" she asked. Jack shook his head.  "You see? We don't give up on what means the most to us, do we? No, we  fight harder. His attempts to protect you may have been misguided but  they were from a place of love, if not acceptance. I can't believe he  would want you to feel shame for being happy just because it didn't make  him happy," she told him quietly.