Loving Jack(14)

"So tell me, Grace. What are we doing here? Why can't you take my  calls?" he asked. The man looked so dejected. Dammit. She didn't want to  do this now. Grace already felt like her head would split open.

"I had a rather unexpected meeting with the executives. I'm still  recovering from the shock of it to be honest." She tried to divert his  attention for the moment. He just blinked at her.

"Exactly how am I adding to your stress level? I'd think of all people  you'd want to talk to me, whether your day was going shitty or not. I  mean, isn't that what couples do? They support each other, right?" Rick  seemed to be deflating before her eyes.

"Rick, I really can't do this now . . ." she started, but he cut her off.

"Do you want to be with me or not, Grace? I'm tired of dancing around  the subject with you. I get the distinct feeling you've been avoiding me  ever since I brought up moving in together." He started out sounding  angry, but ended sounding defeated.

"I'm just not ready to take such a big step, Rick."

"Alright, when do you think you will be?" He leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees.

"I just don't . . . I don't know." Grace didn't know what to say. She  cared about Rick, she cared a lot actually. But she didn't know if she  would ever be ready to take the next step. It was unfair of her to  expect him to wait for a time that might never come. She was just about  to tell him that when he rose swiftly from his seat and strode to the  closed office door.

"We've been together for over a year, Grace. That's long enough to know  if you want to be my wife or not." Rick choked on the end of his  statement and tears filled his eyes. Grace was stunned. She just stared  at him with her mouth agape. He'd said wife. That was the first time  he'd ever mentioned anything about marriage. Grace's mouth opened and  shut a few times but she couldn't get anything past the lump in her  throat. She hadn't known Rick was quite this serious about their  relationship. If she had, she would have ended it long before now.         

     



 

"You don't need to say anything, Grace. It's written all over your face.  If you don't know how much I love you, if you couldn't feel it, then  you never will. If you aren't ready now, you never will be." He angrily  swiped at his eyes to remove the moisture.

"You never said you loved me, Rick. Not once," she finally replied. It was a shitty reply, but it was all she had at the moment.

"I just did. And it still didn't make a damn bit of difference to you,  did it?" he asked. She had no answer. She didn't want to hurt him but  that seemed unavoidable now, because she couldn't give him the words in  return.

"I'd tell you that I hope you find the man you need one day, but I  won't. I hate him, whoever he is. I hate that that man isn't me." Rick  opened the door and turned away. He paused on the threshold and  whispered, "Goodbye, Grace." And then Rick was gone, forever.





****





The bedside phone woke Grace at 10am. It was Sunday, which was the only  day she slept in, but even this hour was late for her. She hadn't been  sleeping well lately. Her break up with Rick and the need to make a  decision at work looming over her head made for a poor night's rest. She  rubbed the sleep from her eyes. No one but her parents ever called her  home phone and she knew neither of them would call this early on a  Sunday. Dread suddenly filled her as she reached for the wireless phone.  The fear that something was wrong at home shook her fully awake.

"Hello." Her voice was raspy with sleep when she answered. It was quiet for a beat before the caller spoke.

"Hello. I'm trying to reach Grace Yates," a man asked politely.

The air in Grace's lungs froze in place. She knew that voice, even after  all of this time. She would know that voice if he called her a hundred  years from now. It was Jack Landry. Grace couldn't seem to get the air  in her lungs to move again. She stared at her reflection in the mirror  of her dressing table and noted that she looked as stunned as she felt.  She hadn't spoken to Jack in years. After college he'd made an effort to  keep in touch with Grace. He'd even invited her to fly out to visit him  a few times in those two years, but she always declined. At the time,  her raw emotions wouldn't allow her to spend any length of time with  Jack. Eventually he stopped reaching out to her. Grace had felt a  strange sense of relief. Every time he called it would open her wounds  again. Every time he begged her to come see him it became harder and  harder to say no. It had been four or five years since she'd heard a  word from the man.

"Hello?" Jack said. "Are you still there?"

"Yes." Grace cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I was asleep when you called, Jack. This is Grace."

Then it was Jack's turn to be silent. Grace gave him a moment before saying, "Did I lose you?"

"No. I'm here. Sorry, it's just kind of wonderful to hear your voice  after so long." He coughed and Grace had the feeling he hadn't meant to  blurt out that admission. "I called because I'm in town, in New York  that is, and I was wondering if we could get together."

Jack was here, in New York? Grace swallowed hard and tried to calm her  pounding heart. Yes, she had been in love with Jack. Yes, he had crushed  her tender heart. But that was a long time ago. She was an adult for  God's sake! She could see him now and it wouldn't affect her at all. She  could. And if she kept telling herself that lie maybe it would become  the truth. Grace took a deep breath. She would meet Jack for a cup of  coffee, they would catch up for a bit, and he would head back to the  west coast, the other side of the country, where he belonged. As far  away from Grace as possible.

"Sure, Jack, how about we catch up over coffee?" Coffee was good. They  could meet in a busy place and chat. Grace would have a latte but Jack  would order chai, because he didn't like coffee. The fact that she still  remembered that was kind of sad.

"I have a meeting in thirty and I'm flying out this evening. Can you do  lunch at Houndstooth on 8th and 36th, say one o'clock?" he sounded so  hopeful.

Grace could never tell Jack no. Well except for when she'd refused to  share him . . . and when she'd changed her mind about moving to Seattle .  . . and every time he asked her to visit. So she supposed she did have  the ability to say no. But did she have the will to say no when he was  so close? It was only lunch. It was lunch in a busy British style pub at  that. She knew the place well. Grace had taken clients there for drinks  from time to time. It was a nice place with a relaxed atmosphere and  the fish and chips were awesome. The Houndstooth was just as good as a  coffee shop. There would be a big lunch crowd, even on Sunday. So it  wouldn't be intimate at all.         

     



 





A few hours later Grace stood outside of the Houndstooth adjusting the  strap of her favorite powder blue sun dress and praying she wouldn't  vomit on the side walk. Her nerves were shot. After hanging up with Jack  she'd showered and obsessed over what she should wear. It was a hot day  in Manhattan so she selected something light. The dress was something  she would wear on any given Sunday, so she could tell herself she hadn't  chosen it just for him. He may have broken her heart, but Grace was  still a proud woman. Looking your best could be like armor against your  insecurities. It had taken her a long time after Jack to re-enter the  dating pool. The experience had left Grace feeling inadequate. She knew  it was all in her head and Jack never intended to hurt her, but there it  was and her self-esteem had taken a hit. So she'd taken extra time with  her make-up and twisted her hair into an easy but stylish up-do. She  didn't want to be seen as lacking, again.

Grace laughed at herself. She was being ridiculous. Jack was probably  happily married with 2.5 kids and a dog by now. Maybe he married Victor  and they'd adopted. Maybe he found the woman of his dreams. Grace had no  idea. She took a deep breath and blew it out. Jack was in town for  business. He reached out to an old girlfriend to have lunch. That was  it. It had nothing to do with their past. She smiled to herself. It was  going to be wonderful to see him. Even if it broke her heart all over  again to listen to Jack talk about his wonderful family, Grace would be  genuinely pleased for him. Jack was a good man. He deserved every  happiness the fates could provide.

She was beginning to think Jack was standing her up when one-thirty  rolled around and there was still no sign of him. She'd been so  flustered by his call that she hadn't thought to ask him for his number.  She decided to go in and have a drink . . . a very strong drink. She'd  just pulled open the door to enter the pub when she heard her name  called in that familiar deep voice that replayed in her dreams.

"Grace!"

Jack was coming around the corner at a hurried clip. Grace took him in  from head to toe and her foolish heart did exactly what she feared it  would do, it leapt with hope and longing all over again. He was just as  handsome as she remembered, even more so now. He was broader through the  chest and maybe even a little taller than she remembered. Jack looked a  little untidy in a way that was unlike him with his hair in disarray,  his tie loosened and the top button of his shirt undone. She supposed if  he'd run to meet her in this heat he would be mussed.