Love's Suicide(89)

When we fell down on the bed our hands were intertwined. He held them above our heads as he continued making love to me, bringing me to the brink of ecstasy again and again. When Brooks finally let go, he lingered over top of me.

We were both out of breath, panting from what we’d just experienced. He rolled us over and held me in his arms, tightly. While he played with my hair, I ran my fingers through the patch of hair on his chest. It wasn’t much, but enough that I noticed it. I traced the K overtop of his ribs while he spoke to me.

“No regrets, Kat.”

“No regrets.”

I’m not really sure how long we lay there in each other’s arms. Brooks seemed content and I wasn’t about to move the toned muscles that were holding me tight. He rubbed my back until I heard soft snores and knew he’d fallen asleep.

I got up to use the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I stood there naked, looking at my body. To me I wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I’d always been slender, and I guess my breasts were a nice average size. My hair was naturally two-toned brown. I appeared to be just a plain mother looking type.

Brooks saw something completely different. It probably didn’t matter what I looked like to him. His love for me was based on knowing me for our whole lives. I knew that was the truth, because I had that same love for him. Of course, it never hurt that he was so gorgeous, even more so since he’d become a man.

I touched my bruised cheek and felt like it had happened so long ago, instead of just a day. A lot had happened already and all I wanted to do was put that part of my life behind me.

When I looked at the bruises that were fading on my arm, I saw one on my stomach. I went to touch it and started thinking about something entirely more important.

My ovulation cycle.

I’d been tracking it, preparing for the right time to try and get pregnant again. I rushed out into the room and grabbed my purse. My heart was beating out of my chest as I sat there staring at the calendar. Two days were circled and this happened to be the first one.

For the second time in my life I’d had unprotected sex in a hotel room with Brooks, and it was very possible that he’d gotten me pregnant again.

Then I really started to panic. I ran back into the bathroom and shut the door.

Brooks would be ecstatic, but I’d have to explain being unfaithful to my husband, and it would cause problems with me getting a divorce. He could argue that we’d had sex while B was with us, even though we made sure not to wake her.

Brooks opened the door to the bathroom. He’d put his underwear back on. “You alright? You better not be in here crying, thinking of a way to escape.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, and I could see the scars on the underside of his arm.

He cleared his throat when I didn’t answer.

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere. I came in here to get cleaned up, that’s all.”

He pulled me close and kissed me softly. “I know you better than you know yourself. What is it, Kat?”

I handed him my little pocket calendar. He looked confused and then I watched his face change. He started laughing and looked up at me. “Are you kidding me?” He ran his hand through his hair. “Again?”

I held my hands in the air. “So I’m thinking that if we stay together, we may need a school bus to cart all the kids in.”

He laughed again and pulled me close. “Don’t freak out yet, Kat. It’s not like it is a definite. You’ve got enough to worry about.” I took comfort in his arms. “I refuse to wear a rubber with you. I never have and I never will.”

When I realized what he was saying, I was shocked that I hadn’t thought about it before. “Jesus, what if I got pregnant back then?”

He put his hands up, like he was under arrest. “Hold up. In my defense both times I went into your room it wasn’t to have sex with you. You begged me for it.”

In my defense, I was extremely emotional, and I thought he was my boyfriend. “I didn’t know it was you!”

He cornered me and got closer. “You wanted it to be me, Kat. Deep down you had to question why it was different.”

“How do you know it was?”

He laughed. “Because there ain’t no way my brother can make you cum like I can.”

As shocked as I was at his statement, I knew it was true. Even as a teenager, I remember those particular nights in my bedroom out of all the other nights with Branch.

“Am I right?”

I smiled and he already knew the answer. “Yes. You’re right. Although, I didn’t think it was you. I just thought he was being sensitive of my feelings.”

“Did you ever pretend he was me?”