Love's Suicide(87)

I slid closer to B and wrapped an arm around the both of them. Brooks, while having B in his opposite arm, intertwined our fingers with his opposite hand. He laid them over B’s belly on top of the covers and we kept looking directly into each other’s glossed over eyes. B was already falling back asleep. We could have climbed onto the other bed and finished what was happening between us, except it was no longer necessary. Both of us had everything we wanted in the bed we were already occupying. I’d never felt so whole in my life. “This feels so right,” he whispered through his own tears. “I never thought I’d have this.”

I squeezed his hand. “Me either.”

Knowing that we were both content only made it easier for me to fall asleep. We were all three on the one queen sized bed, cuddled together and only proving true to our already strong bond.

When I woke a few hours later, B had kicked herself sideways. Her head was in my ribs and her feet were pressed against Brooks’ hard abs. He was awake, staring at me, with a grin on his face. Sometime, while sleeping, our hands had come apart and he was using his to motion to me that we needed to move her, or ourselves.

I slid off the bed and replaced where I was with a pillow. Brooks did the same after adjusting the covers so she couldn’t kick them off easily.

We climbed into the other bed. He pulled me close, bringing my back to rest against his chest. He leaned his chin against my shoulder and kissed it before becoming completely still. I placed my arms over top of his that were holding me tight and closed my eyes again. Just as I was falling back asleep, I heard him whisper something that woke me right back up. “I love you so much, Kat.”

I couldn’t lay there, being so close to him, having his fingertips almost touching my tingling nipples and do nothing. I was done fighting a losing battle with wrong and right. I wanted Brooks, because in so many ways, I’d always only been his. With morals pushed aside, I lifted his wrapped arms up a few inches to glide across my nipples. The pure awareness that it sent between my legs was immediate. I was burning for him and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I needed to dive in and be devoured by his love. My ass adjusted and I could feel his eagerness pressing on the back of my butt. Brooks knew it too. He knew that I wasn’t going to sleep until I was satiated by anything and everything that he had to offer.

When we were finally facing each other, prepared to keep going, he closed in for another kiss. “Make love to me, Brooks.”

He seemed conflicted. “You said we couldn’t.”

I ran my hand over his lips and he opened them to allow me to lean in and kiss him, dragging my tongue over his teeth. “Don’t you want me?” I whispered.

“Don’t be stupid, Kat. You don’t know how hard it is for me to hold back from what I really want. I just can’t have you walking out on me like before. There’s too much at stake here. If waiting will help you stick to your decision, it’s worth it to me.”

It hurt that he thought I was going to walk away again. He’d been right about it being different this time. I wasn’t being fickle. I knew exactly who and what I wanted.

This time I was all in. I didn’t have regrets. What I did have was a daughter and the chance for us to be a real family. “All I want is us, forever. I won’t be changing my mind or abandoning you. If you think we should wait, I’ll respect your decision, but we’re here, naked in this room. You love me and I love you. I’ve made a ton of mistakes, but there’s one thing that I’ve done right in my life, and that’s loving you. Brooks, look at me and tell me that you think I’m going to let go again. Look over at that little girl who loves you after knowing you for only a few days and tell me that I’d be so heartless as to take her away from you.”

He seemed like he felt sorry for assuming my intentions weren’t true. “Point taken. You can’t blame me for being scared, Kat. I’ve lost you so many times and I know that if it happened again this time it would end me. I couldn’t live with knowing that you and B were out there and I couldn’t be with you. That’s why I want everything to be right this time.”

I deserved to get the cold shoulder. I definitely deserved to suffer for hurting him again and again. Sometimes I felt like the most wretched person to exist. How he could be lying next to me was still a mystery.

Yet, there he was, holding me and offering me a forever that I’d wanted for as long as I could remember. “I’ll wait for you, Brooks, just like you waited for me.”

He smiled, as if it was some sort of mock. “Yeah, I’m not real sure waiting is the best decision.” His change of attitude was apparent when he rubbed his stiff erection against my leg. “I figure I’ve got two choices. I can go in the bathroom and take care of this myself, like I’ve gotten pretty used to doing, or I can be with the woman that I’ve waited almost three years to be with again.”