Love Survives(6)

We heard someone walking into the bathroom, and I could tell Branch was worried our parents were awake and listening. “I better get back to bed. Don’t tell Katy I told you. She made me promise to keep it a secret, especially from you.”

I don’t even know if I held in my first tear until my door shut. I lost control, over not just my emotions, but also my heart. For so long I’d assured myself she’d come running to me. I could feel our connection, knowing that there was still something between us. How could I have been so mistaken? Was I blind? Had Branch been right all along? Was I only a dear friend to Kat, and nothing more?

Like a little child, I bawled myself to sleep, with images of my brother screwing the love of my life.

After that night it became even more difficult to hang out with them. I could feel myself withdrawing, but they didn’t seem to care. Even though they attempted to include me, I knew it was only to cover up the fact that they were a couple to our parents. I hated being used for their benefit and knew I had to make a change to rectify the situation. I was inadequate.

For a few months I was good about keeping my distance. I started talking to other girls, but only to attempt to get Kat out of my head. It was quite ridiculous since she lived in the same house as me. How was one to forget someone they saw every single day, sat across from at the table, and brushed their teeth alongside of?

Reluctantly I turned my pain into something else. Fueled by jealousy and regret, I distanced myself more from the two lovebirds, becoming troublesome to hide the brutal truth of what I knew I’d never have.

It was hard to imagine loathing both of them, but with each day came the hope of being able to finally rid myself of the constant ache I had in my heart.

It wasn’t always bad though. On occasion Kat and my mom would go out for hours, shopping and doing what females liked to do. In those instances Branch and I were cool. I didn’t hate him for loving her. I hated myself for not being brave enough to tell her first. For that reason I’d be forever envious of his life, hoping someday to replace my feelings for Kat with someone that I could have wholeheartedly. Until that day came I’d continue wishing she was mine; and just hoping for the moment when she’d realize that she’d made the wrong choice.





Chapter 3

On the anniversary of her parent’s death, at the age of sixteen, something broke in me. I’d been doing so well, portraying someone who pretended not to care that the other half of my heart was bedding my brother.

On this particular evening Kat was a wreck. My parents had started a tradition with making her favorite meal; one her mother used to make. Each time, since their death, it would start out nice and end up with everyone sad, reminiscing about what could have been.

When Kat headed up to bed I watched my brother giving her a look, but he didn’t follow behind her. Silently I sat there next to him, playing a video game and acting like everything was well in the world. All the while I wondered how he could be so insensitive. She clearly needed him to reassure her that everything would be okay, yet he was in his own little world, ignoring the fact that his girlfriend was falling apart.

“I think Kat’s upset.”

“She’s always upset about something,” Branch replied.

“Yeah, but tonight is the anniversary.”

“She told me she was fine, Brooks. Let it go. It’s not your problem. Honestly, I don’t know why you still care. Can’t you take a hint?”

I ignored his comment, unable to accept that Kat would ever want me to leave her alone. When we were together she was content, almost blissful. That wasn’t how someone acted when they were annoyed. This wasn’t the first time my brother had mentioned it to me, nor was it going to prevent me from being there for my best friend. Until she told me from her own mouth to steer clear, I’d be by her side, offering her anything she needed.

By the time we headed up to bed all I could think about was Kat. After the house got quiet I could hear her sobbing through the walls. Something happened that night. It was like I snapped. I couldn’t fathom being so far away from her when she needed someone to wipe away her tears and comfort her until the pain subsided. I considered waking up my brother, but refused to allow myself to let him take credit for my concerns. She needed the love that I had to give her because it was effortless.

Before I could rationalize with my teenage self, I was already opening her door. The room was silent, but I knew exactly where to walk. I crouched down on the side of her bed, following the direction of her sniffles to place exactly where she was on the mattress.

A hand reached out and touched mine, leading me closer to her. Her cries beckoned me to hold her, to take the pain away, even if only for a few moments. I could do this without getting overwhelmed. This was my Kat. I was put on this earth to take care of her. I knew it more than anything else.