I sat on the hilltop overlooking the valley that was now our home sipping my hot beverage. We had been here for about two months and life was progressing well. Not as well as I would have liked, but progressing nonetheless.
The cave had been cleaned up and was now in daily use. Malt and Rales had worked some minor miracles in delivering power to our lives but our main problem was that we still didn't have satisfactory camouflage for our hideout. We resorted to ancient methods to hide the ships with vegetation, and while it was primitive it was effective. The cave was another matter though and we had no choice but to abandon the front part of our habitat so that from the air the cave looked abandoned.
I relaxed and watched the early-morning rise of the star system's sun, enjoying the slowly warming air slide over my body. These days I found that I have come to appreciate the small things in life. There were no more bars, no more fights and no more distractions. I now saw the magic in a flower or the contentment in the rising of a sun. Who would have thought?
Beri came up the hill and sat down on the grass-covered ground next to me. "Hi there, stranger," I said cheerily.
"You're awfully happy this morning."
"I suppose I am." It was a surprising comment considering the overwhelming amount of work that still needed to be done.
"Something happen that I don't know about?"
"Nope. Just pleased to see you. We haven't had much chance to talk lately."
"That's true." Beri looked out over the valley.
I watched her reaction to the scenery in front of her and she seemed strangely calm and content. I suppose that was how I felt. Suddenly the name of this speck of dust finally came to me. It was Heaven. Yeah... Heaven.
"So what are you thinking about so hard that you have to hide yourself away from the rest of us?" Beri sounded almost hurt.
"Nothing really. I was just enjoying a bit of quiet time with my caffeine synth." I held up my cup as if trying to prove the truth of my words. "It's beautiful up here, isn't it?"
Beri glanced at me sideways wondering if I was spinning some yarn to please her. "Yeah."
"I'm not hiding or anything... really, B. It's just every now and then I like the solitude up here. Clears my mind."
"Are we getting too much for you?" she asked wistfully.
"No! No. Keep in mind that I've spent most of my life alone, B. I just need to step back every now and then and allow life, and time, to pass me by."
"Maybe I should have sent Fen."
"You don't think you can do the sensitive talks? I think you're doing okay." There had been a burning question sitting on my tongue for quite a while now but I didn't know how to bring it up. "How are you, B?"
"Me? Okay. Why?"
"No, how are you here?" I reached over and tapped her temple.
"My head?"
Alright, either she was pretending to be ignorant or she didn't understand what I was asking. I was trying to be delicate but it seemed I had to ask the hard question. "How are you coping after... Vel?" I still couldn't bring myself to say the word. It took a lot for me to accept that I had been violated on Rigeus, and I had regularly indulged in sex. For someone like Beri who had never experienced sex it would have been devastating.
"Fine." Beri said but I could read the tension in her voice and in her face. She was anything but fine.
"Why do I get the feeling that you're not?"
"I said I'm fine, J!" This was my conversation with Sasha all over again.
"Look-"
"No!" Beri stood and glared down at me. "This is none of your business!"
"Yes it is. You put me in charge and your problem is my problem. You're my friend, Beri. I don't want to see you hurting. Maybe more importantly I was there, B. I went through it too."
Beri's eyes brimmed with tears, barely held in check by her considerable will. "She... I..."
I suspected Beri was trying to justify her anger and despair by saying I wouldn't know what she was going through. In a way I don't. I didn't have a daughter at stake. "Does anyone else know?"
"No." I watched a tear slide down her cheek.
"Not even Fen?"
"No."
"Trust me. Holding it inside is not good."
"And what should I do, huh?"
"Let it out, B. Yell, scream... hit me if it'll make you feel better. Do whatever it takes to comes to terms with it."
"You do realize that we are pacifists."
"But I'm sure not one of you has been in this situation before." But Beri didn't answer me. "No one else, right B?" She looked at her feet. "So how did she cope?"