Love My Pain (Cape Falls Book 6)(29)

“It’s happening?” he asked.

Isabel didn’t need for him to explain. It was easy for herself to know what he was talking about.

“Please, just…”

“I’m not going anywhere. You should know that by now. Tell me what happened. What set it off?”

“Nothing.”

“You want it, don’t you? You want your kit, and you want to find a nice secluded spot, and you want to take that blade, dig it into your skin, and slice.”

With her eyes still closed she released a whimper. Yes, damn it. She did. Sweat gathered on her brow, and her stomach was starting to turn. Every time this happened, she would do exactly as he just said.

There was no real routine. It was why she always carried her kit on her. If it was there, she knew she could rely on it. Her special kit that helped above everything else.

Tell him.

Fight this.

With her eyes still closed, she started to speak, only to stop and clear her throat. She was shaking all over. Never had she fought this need so bad. It felt almost like an addiction, something she couldn’t control. It wasn’t the need to slice though. No, it was the need to rid her mind of the voices.

“Daisy.”

“What did she say? What did she do?”

“She didn’t say anything mean, or malicious. It was … it’s me. I’m the stupid one. I’m the one that can’t deal. I’m fucking useless.”

“I have never heard you say such utter rubbish about yourself.”

She giggled. Rubbish! So British.

“Then if she didn’t say anything mean, what did she say?”

Licking her dry parched lips, she breathed through the wave of nausea. “She told me nothing other than how she trusts William. She knows he won’t hurt her. She knows that he loves her.”

As she spoke, the darkness that was threatening to consume her started to fade, and little by little, she began to feel once again.

“And you think you can’t feel those things with me.”

Turning to Edward, she finally looked at him. His arms were down by his sides, his hands fisted. He looked tense, nervous even. She had caused that.

“How could you ever feel those things for me? Look at me.”

“I am, babe. Always.”

She shook her head. “I’m not worth it though. I’m … look at me. I’m a nightmare.” Tears once again filled her eyes, and started to fall down her cheeks. She held onto the tree as if it was a lifeline. “I’m a horrible person. I can’t even handle other people when they say how much they love each other. I’m unlovable.”

“No, you’re not.”

She sobbed as she held onto the tree. “I want my kit back.”

“No.”

“Yes, I need it. This is not working. I can’t do this.”

Edward stepped toward her, placing his arms over hers. “I’m not going anywhere, and you are going to listen to me.”

“I don’t have to listen to you.”

“You’re right. You don’t have to listen to me. I’m no one either, babe. No one loves me. I’m just the joke of a British guy who has a thing for a girl who is probably young enough to be my daughter. You know what? I don’t give a fuck. I know what I want, and I know how I feel, and no one can take that shit away from me. No one.” He pressed his lips against her neck. “Your parents, they shouldn’t have done the shit they did to you. They were wrong, and they didn’t deserve you. Sophie, she doesn’t deserve you either. No one deserves you. Not even me.”

With his arms around her, Isabel slowly felt her demons start to calm down.

“You can rely on me, Isabel. You can depend on me. I wasn’t going to tell you yet because I didn’t know if you were ready, but I’m not going to wait another second. I love you.”

She gasped, and turned her head to glance over her shoulder. “You do?”

“Yes, I love you. You want to know why I’m here? Because of you. I would have left Cape Falls a long time ago. You’re the one that keeps me here. No one else, nothing else. I’ll move wherever you need to go. I’ll go wherever you need to go.” He pressed another kiss to her neck. “I’m not going to hold back, and I’m not going to let go.” His hands moved from her arms to wrap around her waist. “I love you, Isabel. Please, tell me one day that you could love me?”

She sobbed. “I love you now. I’m so sorry. I can’t … I hate being this way. I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to be this way. I want to fight for you, for us.” She released the tree, and spun around to wrap her arms around his neck. She held onto him so tightly, never wanting to let go.