Love My Pain (Cape Falls Book 6)(25)

Glancing down at Isabel, did she need to leave in order to start afresh in a new place? Could this town pull her down in ways he hadn’t even imagined?

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Isabel was all alone. Edward had to go and run an errand for William. Staring at the door to his playroom, she nibbled her lip. She had spent so many weeks, watching, learning, asking questions. The lifestyle was intense, and yet she had found herself yearning for that kind of release. She had seen women sink to their knees to receive their Master, watched the love in their eyes as their Master tenderly stroked their cheeks.

Reaching out, she opened up the door to the basement, and took the steps down toward his playroom. Her heart was pounding as she descended. The light was already on as she stared at the tools of pleasure and pain. She didn’t know what was for what, nor did she care. This was Edward’s room. His playroom. She was a guest here, but soon she hoped to be something more.

Turning in a full circle, she knew what she had to do. Removing her clothing, she neatly folded it up, and placed it on a chair. When she was completely naked, she walked toward the full-length mirror and stared at herself. Lowering her arms, she allowed herself to look at the body that she had spent years harming. Her leg was completely healed, and she felt tears spring to her eyes as she stared at the damage. The tops of her thighs had the worst evidence of what she had done to herself. Her arms were next.

Holding her arms out, she stared down at the them. The silver marks of past cutting. The ones that she had made that were not too deep were gone. What would Sophie think of her if she knew the truth?

“You’re useless. You can’t get anything right. All we needed you to do was watch your sister!”

“You’re so thick and stupid. Don’t you know anything?”

Closing her eyes, she pushed aside the hateful words that she had grown up hearing. They were simply a few. There were so many built up inside her.

He will never really want you.

You’re a weak link.

A failure.

Frowning, she pushed those doubts aside as well. There were times she felt like she was being crushed from the inside out. She didn’t know how to fight inside her head, and try to keep afloat. She was drowning with no lifeboat, and she didn’t want to die.

She never wanted to die.

A fresh start.

Could it be possible to start fresh away from Cape Falls? Away from the town’s judgements, and their viciousness at times. Not everyone in Cape Falls was vicious just the ones that seemed to have a lot to hide.

“You’re not going to hurt yourself again.” Even as she said it to herself, she didn’t know if she could believe her own words. She wanted to. She had seen how much it affected Edward, and the last thing she wanted to do was cause him any kind of pain.

You won’t cut.

You won’t harm.

You won’t hurt yourself.

Stepping away from the mirror, she went to the spot that Edward had pointed out, and lowered herself onto her knees. Resting her hands on her knees with her palms up, she spread her thighs so that she was open, and then she waited.

Edward had texted her to let her know that he wouldn’t be much longer, which was why she was kneeling on the floor, legs splayed, waiting.

“I can do this. I can do this.”

Not only could she do this, she wanted to.

Time passed, and she didn’t care how much. She waited. Even as her heart started to pound, still she waited.

Finally, she heard the door go, and he would have found the letter she had left for him hanging on the handle of the front door.

She lowered her head, and it wasn’t long before he descended the stairs. Seconds later she saw his shoes right in front of her, and still she stayed in the same position.

“You please me so much,” Edward said.

He stroked her head, and down her face to her chin. With a finger beneath her chin, he lifted her head up, and she stared into his eyes. The smile on his face was worth every second of self-doubt.

“Are you sure about this?”

She nodded. They had explored the rules, and Edward had told her what he liked and didn’t like. There was no change in their names. He wouldn’t be calling her sub, subby, or any other pet names she had heard some of the men call their women. She wasn’t to refer to him as Master or Sir. He just wanted to be Edward, and she was to be Isabel. Nothing had really changed. They were the same people, only their play was about to be entirely different. Her heart was pounding as she stared at him.

“Do you really want to play?” he asked.

“Yes. I do.”

She wanted to play. She wanted to belong to him, and to give him whatever he needed. There were no limits for what she wanted to do with him.

At night they now shared a bed, yet they still hadn’t had sex. She begged for it, wanted it, but like so many times before Edward held back. They were closer than ever before. He held the key to every part of her. She loved him more than anything in the world, and would do whatever he wanted.