Lost Love (Cowboys and Angels #1)(15)
The pleading in her voice scared me. “You have to tell me what’s wrong, Paxton, before I can tell you it’s okay.”
I pulled back and found that her blue eyes were bloodshot, liked she’d been crying for hours. My heart was racing.
“It’s okay, pumpkin. Tell me.”
She chewed on her lip and stared at the ground before looking back into my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
The words felt like someone had thrown them at me with a brick attached to them. “W-what?”
She shook her head. “I know how scary it is, but we can make this work.”
I dropped my hold on her and took a few steps back.
“I don’t want to be a dad right now. Fuck. I can’t be a dad right now. This is going to mess everything up.”
Her face dropped. “I’m not giving up this baby, Steed.”
Taking a few steps, I shook my head again. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now. I need to think.”
“So you left her standing there alone?”
I nodded. No use in trying to sugarcoat anything.
“What a total asshole move. No wonder Mom isn’t talking to you. Prick.”
With a frown, I replied, “That’s not the worst part. I ignored her until the day before graduation.”
Amelia gasped. “Steed Parker.”
“I needed time to think. Shit, my whole life had just changed. Once the shock wore off and I realized that we could make anything work as long as we had each other, and how much I’d love the baby, I went to her. It was too late.”
My sister’s eyes grew wide. “Why? What did she do?”
Paxton walked slowly up the stairs of the high school, her head down. Rushing over to her, I called her name.
“Paxton!”
Her eyes filled with tears the second she saw me.
“Hey, I’m so sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I needed time to think about everything. I’m sorry.”
She looked like she hadn’t slept in a week, and I hated myself for putting her through all the stress.
“I know I said I didn’t want to be a father, but…I’ve been thinking. We can make this work, Pax. I love you and I know I’ll love the baby too.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “I lost the baby early this morning. I just got back from the doctor.”
Relief washed over my body and I closed my eyes, whispering, “Thank, God.”
When I opened my eyes, Paxton’s horrified expression stunned me. “What?” she said.
“Nothing. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you call me, Paxton? Did you go through that alone?”
Her eyes seemed lost. “Why would I call you? You made it clear you didn’t care about me or our baby. I need to sit down, I was supposed to go home and rest, not come here.”
I stood there stunned as she turned and headed into the school for graduation practice. My stomach churned; what I had done was unforgivable. I’d left her alone to deal with the pregnancy. And the loss.
When I opened my eyes, tears were rolling down Amelia’s cheeks. “Oh, Steed, how could you? Do you think the stress caused her to lose the baby?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. A few months after I left home, I started to do some research on miscarriages. It’s likely there could have been something wrong with the pregnancy and it naturally aborted itself, but my heart tells me it was the stress Paxton was under. I caused her to lose our child. That’s why I never came home. Not for holidays, not even after Chloe was born. The idea of seeing Paxton … knowing what I did to her … the guilt has torn me up inside all of these years. A part of me thinks my marriage to Kim was my karma. My punishment for what I put Paxton through. But I got Chloe out of it.”
Amelia walked over to me. “That is crazy, Steed. You don’t know what caused her to lose the baby.”
Letting out a gruff laugh, I nodded. “The day of graduation, I tried to get Paxton to talk to me, but she was so angry. She threw it in my face that I’d said I was glad the baby died. When I tried to tell her it was a strange mixture of emotions, she lost it. Told me she hated me, and threatened to seek revenge.”
“Surely she’s still not angry with you.”
“You don’t know Paxton. Me showing back up in town and having a daughter to top it off … it’s like rubbing salt in a wound.”
Amelia made a face. “Oh, I wasn’t even thinking about Chloe. But Paxton would never do anything to Chloe.”
My hand went to the back of my neck where I tried to rub the ache away. “I know. But the way she looks at me. It’s like the hate is still as strong as that day ten years ago.”