Linebacker’s Second Chance(98)

“You didn’t—”





“Hush. I did. I’ve undressed you whenever you tried to talk to me, and I made you breakfast the past two weeks, took you to dinner, got you to ride my horses. It was all too much, too soon, just like you said. If I’d have known...” My voice trails off because I have no idea what the hell else to say. The guilt sits like a heavy weight in my chest.





“You didn’t know. I should have told you I needed to stay in the guest house.” She turns over and her eyes meet mine, her lips millimeters from mine. I want to kiss her, make her body melt into mine, take that pain and replace it with pleasure. “But I didn’t.” Her voice is firmer now, more confident. And there’s a trace of something sultry in those words. “When I saw you, I wanted you, right then and there.”





She kisses me, simple and warm, like we’ve been lovers for years. And that’s what it feels like, with the fire raging through my own body, my cock growing stiff as she throws her leg over mine.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN





The snow melts over the next two days, and Rowan and I continue on in the pattern we’ve made for ourselves. He takes me into town when the snow has melted enough, and I paint the remaining stars and lettering for the mural. It’s nearly done now, and almost a week early. I don’t have much excuse to stay now, but still, I do. And we pretend like last week’s conversation didn’t happen. But there’s not much more talk about me staying. And he put the necklace away.





In the mornings, we go out and walk the horses. Symphony has taken something of a shine to me, and I feel better about her too than I did the first time. Rowan keeps telling me I have a country girl hidden inside, and if it were any other time in my life, I might think he was right.





But he knows, and I know. I’m leaving on December 31st.





And tomorrow is Christmas.





I pull the covers over my head at the thought, thinking back to that conversation by the fire. It was only a few days ago, but now it seems like it was ages past, like it was in another lifetime that I told him about Eli and all that I’d lost. And my relationship with Rowan seems both bigger and more real than I ever felt with Eli—or any other man before him.





But still, it’s Christmas Eve, and I’m leaving soon. I won’t be expecting him to ask me to stay, and I’ll be heading out on that damn private jet, come hell or high water.





But he might keep true to his word and follow you, come see you. And then what?





“And then what?” I say it aloud into the empty blue room. Last night, I told Rowan I needed to sleep alone. The bed was cold, even with Eliza hopping on in the middle of the night and snuggling in next to me. I was too tired to push her away, and too cold to want to. For a while, I tried to listen for traces of Rowan in the house, but I couldn’t hear him. And I was all alone.





I move my leg back and forth in the bed. Empty again. Even the dog has abandoned me in my time of need.





But what exactly do I need? Have you figured that shit out yet, Cadence? Is it a billionaire cowboy who lives alone on a New Mexico ranch? Or is it like you keep saying to yourself—you need the city, your friends, your life?





I close my eyes and try to think for a second. The ideas get all jumbled up in my head—the windy, narrow streets of Manhattan and the ridiculously expensive warm little studio with Anna in it... swirling together with the broad, open sky that hangs over Rowan’s ranch, the dog and the horses, and the scent of evergreen trees and mountains and waterfalls and runnels in the mountains.





“You can’t have it all,” I say to myself as I slink out of the bed and pace over the slick old hardwood floors, my eyes darting from the exposed beams on the ceiling to the blue painting that has presided over my time here. If I go to the window, I can barely see the guest house and the stables on the horizon. “And you wouldn’t be in this predicament if you’d stayed out in the guest house... now would you? Hell, I don’t know. Maybe I would be.”





My mind is all mixed up, and my heart is too.





I step up to the window and look outside to see the sun hanging low in the sky, just peaking over the mountains. My concept of time has changed since I came to this place—it always either seems early or late, never like it’s a real time that corresponds with a number. Either it’s time for breakfast, time for painting, or time for...





I blush at the thought. Rowan between my legs, Rowan’s taste upon my lips, Rowan making me scream for more even when I’m close to breaking down, close to sobbing uncontrollably, losing my mind completely. Rowan, bringing me back from the edge of reality into a world that’s just his and mine.