Lily White Lies(32)

I tried not to sound too eager as I threw off the covers and said, “Here, let me help you pack.”



~ ~ ~



I pulled my housecoat tightly around my waist and forced a smile as Brian gave me a kiss that bordered on brotherly. He picked up his bag and sighed deeply saying, “Wish me luck, Babe.” With a hand resting on the doorknob, he hesitated before mumbling, “Cosgrove, Berkley and McDonough... humph... I could get used to that.” Nodding to himself, he disappeared without looking back.

Brian had left in an elated state and had left me feeling more confused and concerned than I wanted to be. The wedding was growing closer and I still hadn’t found the right opportunity to tell him how I truly felt. I knew each day that passed would make me look and feel like a bigger heel when I did finally confess my lack of love for him.

Even alone in my own living room, I felt embarrassed by guilt. My timing was bad, not that the, I’m-sorry-to-do-this-but-you-deserve-better-than-me speech was ever welcomed. In the three years we’d been together, there were many occasions where a split would have been easier, better and more mutual than now—two weeks before the wedding. A part of me even considered going through with the whole thing just to spare myself the shame and Brian the hurt I knew we’d feel when I ended it. Wedding gifts had already begun to arrive, the hall was booked and everything paid for—how could I ever face anyone again if I broke off my engagement this close to our wedding day? But, how could I live with myself if I went through with it?

With a crisis weighing heavily on my mind, Brian out-of-town and a new sports car sitting outside, today had all the makings of a day with the girls. I smiled to myself as I dialed Charlotte’s number.

“Hello.”

“Hi, you busy?”

“Um... well... no.” She hesitated. “What’s up?”

“Um... well... no? Who’s tripping over their tongue now?” I let out a laugh, and said, “Hey, give me a call later; I can hear your heavy breather in the background.”

Returning the laugh, she replied, “Thank you. I’ll call you back in about an hour. Okay?”

“Later.”

I gave brief thought as to whom Charlotte’s company could be. She wasn’t the no-strings, no-names, no-questions kind of girl and she wasn’t the type to keep a serious relationship a secret, so I couldn’t imagine whom that left.

Charlotte’s happiness was long overdue. There had been sleepless nights, lost jobs due to lack of babysitters, having to answer all Bobby’s questions, even the tough ones and pretending to be happy without a partner, for his sake.

Kevin was a good father, at least as good as Charlotte allowed him to be. She allotted plenty of time for Kevin to spend with Bobby but never included him in school appointments, doctor visits or social functions. Coming from a broken home herself, I think her decision to keep Kevin at a safe distance was an exaggerated effort to spare Bobby from the trauma she had lived through as a child, if or when it didn’t work out between them.

Considering she had spent most of her life determined to make the right choices in an attempt to avoid a repeat of her childhood sufferings, she had few achievements to show for her efforts and numerous sacrifices.

I used the hour until Charlotte called back to shower, dress and decide what the girls and I could do for fun, and where we would do it. Just knowing my new car was sitting outside was enough to put me in the mood for a joy ride. The weatherman was calling for a beautiful day and I was already seeing myself behind the wheel with the top down, feeling the wind through my hair and smelling the country air as I was leaving the city in my rearview mirror.

As I threw my hair up in a loose bun, I realized that today was the first day in ages I’d seen a smile coming from the reflection in the mirror. A little ironic perhaps, in view of everything going on in my life, but it certainly felt good.

I didn’t wait for Charlotte to call back. Instead, I decided to drive to Cory’s house. We could surprise Charlotte together—and maybe get a look at her new playmate, too.



Cory’s father could afford to, and would be willing to buy her five of my new cars if her heart desired, so her open excitement surprised me.

“Wow, Meg! This car is the bomb! Brian bought this for you?”

I nodded, feeling slightly guilty for taking such pleasure in something I knew I didn’t deserve and couldn’t keep. “He said it was a wedding gift.”

As she ran her hand across the hood, she looked at me suspiciously. “Meg, I know Brian makes good money and all, but a gift like this... well, it seems a little extravagant for a wedding gift, especially since he’s footing the bill for the whole wedding.” I looked toward the ground, giving thought to what she said, as she continued, “A gift like this seems better suited for bribery or an apology for something really big.”