Lies, Damned Lies, and History(50)

‘Now.’

Silence.

‘Only, I was thinking, there’s no reason at all why we couldn’t move in at the weekend. We sign a contract, hand over the deposit and Bob’s your uncle.’

He was offering me a face-saving way out. By this time next week, I could be gone from St Mary’s. I was eligible for maternity leave. Whatever Dr Bairstow had said, I could – if I wished – leave at any moment and start my new life. I had visions of a cosy cottage, a crackling fire. Me sitting in the garden, painting, with a gurgling and unrealistically clean baby at my feet. I was so far lost to reality as to imagine savoury smells issuing from the kitchen where something tasty nestled happily in the oven and Leon looked on in astonished admiration.

Sometimes I think I’m my own worst enemy. This sunny picture was replaced by a vision of Markham and Peterson sitting alone forever, while I waltzed off and played Happy Families. I couldn’t do it to them.

I smiled at him because I appreciated the offer, and said, ‘Thank you. It sounds just what we were looking for. Sign a contract by all means, but if it’s all the same to you, I’ll finish my time here. I’ve always said I’ll work until just before my due date, and that’s what I’d like to do.’

I held my breath in case he took it badly, but he said, ‘I thought that’s what you’d say.’

‘Are you annoyed?’

‘Not at all. I’m just relieved you haven’t suggested installing the other two misfits in the spare room.’

‘Oh no. I’d never do that. I was thinking of the garden shed.’

Silence. I stared at my hands.

‘Leon, I …’

‘What?’

‘I was just thinking …’

‘What?’

‘That I’m lucky. Because things are much easier for me. All I have to do is believe in you implicitly, and that’s easy because I know you will never, ever, let me down.’ I drew a difficult breath. ‘I, on the other hand, have let you and everyone down quite badly and the thought of your … disappointment in me is more than I can handle at the moment.’

He pulled me close.

I put my arms around his neck like a child. He rested his cheek on top of my head, and we sat in silence for a very long time.





Chapter Eleven

Seven days later, the Chancellor – or Dr Chalfont, as she now wished to be known – turned up to visit the Boss. They were in his office all day. I was terrified she would want to see me, and how I was even to look her in the eye, let alone speak to her, was not something I could think about. I hung about, expecting at any moment to be summoned to Dr Bairstow’s office to account for my actions. I cudgelled my brains for something – anything – I could say to her, something that would be even remotely acceptable under the circumstances, and couldn’t think of a damned thing. There really were no words.

The summons never came. At about four o’clock, I watched from an upstairs window as Dr Bairstow escorted Dr Chalfont to her car. They shook hands and he patted her gently on the shoulder in a way that made my eyes fill up. By the time I’d blinked the tears away, her little car was slingshotting down the drive, out through the gates, and away; and that was when I realised that whatever she could have said to me wasn’t anywhere near as bad as her not saying anything at all.

And it wasn’t just her. No one spoke to me. No one spoke to any of us. Sands telephoned, reporting Roberts safely delivered to his family home, and that he himself was hiding out in Rushford, at Rosie Lee’s tiny house.

‘A bit of a silver lining for me,’ he said cheerfully. ‘It’s a great opportunity for her to realise how wonderful I am.’

I smiled into the phone. Just hearing his voice made me feel a thousand times better.

He burbled on. ‘Listen, if you ever need a sanctuary, we’re down by the medieval bridge, at the foot of the hill.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, touched. ‘But at the moment, we’re not allowed to leave the unit without the permission of a senior officer.’

He was silent for a while. ‘How bad is it?’

‘It’s fine,’ I said, lying through my teeth.

Because it really wasn’t.

Leon, typically, was dealing with everything in his own fashion. The Chief Technical Officer made sure he barely saw the ex-Chief Ops Officer. He was gone when I awoke each morning, and he spent every day in Hawking, citing pressure of work. Since everyone was grounded while Dr Bairstow, Thirsk and some small anonymous government department tried to work out what to do with us, it was hard to see how much pressure there could be, but I appreciated the gesture.