Leverage (Part Three)(28)
“You don’t know that,” he protested. “Some of the most enduring love affairs have sprung from solid friendships.”
“I know you believe that but for me, that’s not how it works. Plus, my heart isn’t interested in letting anything spring from anywhere with anyone right now. And it’s really not fair of me to ask you to wait when there’s no guarantee that your gamble will pay off. I respect you too much for that.”
“But you’re not going back to him?” he asked.
“Do you see him here?” she asked, not exactly answering the question.
“And if he were?” he pressed.
“I don’t know,” she hedged, dancing around the truth but he could see it in her eyes. She loved him. He sighed and leaned back in the chair, shaking his head. Julianna sat opposite him. “Please don’t judge me. He’s the father of my child. And yes, I do love him. But my head and heart are a bit of a mess right now and I don’t know what to think anymore. All I know is I’m not going to chase him.”
“No, you’ll just sit here like a good little girl and wait.”
Her eyes flashed. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No, it isn’t. I’m taking this time to get my head on straight so that I can be a good mother.”
“And if Boston showed up right this second, you wouldn’t jump into his arms and forgive him for every fucked up thing he’s done to you?”
“No I wouldn’t.”
“Forgive me if I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t care what you believe but it hurts that you would think so little of me.”
He sat up, exasperated. “Don’t you see? I feel the exact opposite. I think you deserve so much more than what he’s offering.”
“Miles, let’s be honest…you shouldn’t have fallen so quickly for me. The fact that you did makes me wonder if you know what you want and need or if you’re just running from something in your own heart. What was her name?”
Miles stiffened. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean, who broke your heart so badly that you would ignore common sense?”
“I didn’t come here to be psychoanalyzed.”
“No, but you need it and if being your armchair therapist helps you to move on, I’ll gladly do it because you’ve been so good to me,” she said in earnest. “You’re too good of a man to let something from your past keep you down.”
Ah hell. He hated that somehow she’d zeroed in on his private weakness. Had he been that transparent? And how was it that he’d totally missed it himself? He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He actually laughed, unable to believe he was going to share but it felt right to share it with Julianna, possibly because he truly did, deep down, know they were only destined to be friends. “Her name was Danielle, but she went by Dani. We’d been dating for about three months when she revealed she was actually married but had been separated. I didn’t freak out because I figured the divorce was imminent and it was simply a formality of paperwork that remained. I was wrong. Seems she’d been playing us both.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah…a big one. I fell pretty hard for her. But I should’ve known that what we had wasn’t real because she was an actress and pretty good at pretending.”
“Was she a well-known actress?”
“Not then.”
“But she is now?”
He didn’t want to answer but he figured there was no point in hiding the information now. “She goes by the name Danielle St. Claire.”
Julianna’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? Danielle St. Claire from the blockbuster movie, Judgment?”
He grimaced. “The same.”
“Wow.” Julianna breathed, openly impressed. “Just…wow.”
“Well, like I said, I didn’t know at the time she was going to become this huge sensation. I fell in love with the woman, not the superstar. And then she ripped my heart out and pissed on it.”
“Yowza. No wonder you’re a wreck.” At that crack Miles sent Julianna a dark look and she shrugged, adding, “Sorry. But I call it as I see it.”
He offered a mirthless smirk. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. So there you have it. My personal humiliation.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” she disagreed. “Everyone has a story where they’re not proud of their part. Besides, what do you have to be embarrassed about? If anything, she should be the one who’s ashamed. She used you and that’s bad karma. She’ll get what’s coming to her. Eventually.”