Leverage (Part Three)(20)

“That’s not necessary,” he said stiffly but his hand snaked out and took the number anyway. Curling the paper in his hand, he stuffed it into his pocket with a brief, “Thank you,” and then turned on his heel, nearly running from the place, his mistakes, and from Julianna.

Some mistakes you don’t get to come back from.

Some mistakes you take to the grave as penance.





-7-




Julianna had dropped a bomb on Miles and his first reaction hadn’t been good. He supposed if he’d been thinking clearly, he would’ve smothered his knee-jerk reaction but who would’ve expected for her to share what she had? Obviously, her decision had done a number on her self-esteem and he felt like a jerk for not being supportive.

Of course, the newfound knowledge didn't do anything for his feelings about Boston — the guy was a total dick. So, by the next morning, he was determined to check up on Julianna no matter how things had ended at the beach.

He decided to forgo his usual morning swim and went straight to her bungalow. He knocked and waited patiently and when she didn't immediately answer the door he knocked again. Just about the time when he was going to give up, she opened the door and it was apparent why she hadn't been eager to answer. Her face was red and puffy and her eyes were bloodshot. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the poor girl had been crying all night. Although, something told him that her tears hadn’t been over him. “Can I come in?” he asked, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“I'm not okay but that's not your problem. I'm not your project and you don't need to feel like you have to fix me. You made your feelings loud and clear yesterday.”

Time to pay the piper. “I don't feel that way and I never have. I'll admit I was thrown for a loop yesterday but I’ve had some time to think about it and really, I don't give a shit what you've done in your past. You're a good person and that's all that matters. We all make mistakes. May I please come in?”

Julianna hesitated and for a moment he was fairly certain she was going tell him to go away but she stepped aside so that he could enter. She closed the door and walked to the kitchen with slow fatigued movements. She grabbed an orange juice from the small fridge and cracked it open. “I'm not really the best company right now, Miles. Sorry but I'm a bit of a wreck.”

“I can see that. Let me guess…Boston paid you a visit.” At her small nod, he swore under his breath. “Hasn't he done enough damage? What did he want now?”

She shook her head, tears immediately welling in her eyes. “We, uh, broke up. What I mean to say is that he released me from my contract. I'm free as a bird. A knocked up bird, but free nonetheless.”

“So why do you look like the world has ended?” he asked.

“I don't know,” she cried, distressed. “But I do feel like my world has ended. I feel as if all the love and joy just walked out of my life and I'll never, ever have another prospect of experiencing those things ever again. And it doesn't make any sense because he was a jerk and he was terrible to me and when I needed him the most he bailed. So I don't understand why I feel this way. If someone could explain to me why I'm such an idiot, I would love to hear it because honestly, I never want to go through this again.”

“You’re not an idiot — you fell in love with him. Good bad or indifferent sometimes the heart wants what it wants. Why did he let you go?”

She threw her hands up in confusion. “I don't know. One minute he's kissing me as if he loves me as much as I love him and the next minute he's crushing me under his feet. He doesn't make any sense. I know he loves me. I know in my bones. But he won't humble himself for one Goddamn minute and admit it! And I don't know what to do. For the first time in my life I have more money than I can ever possibly spend, my brother is in a state-of-the-art facility in New Zealand, and I can do whatever I want with my life. I could go back to school, I could start my own business, or I could just be a stay-at-home mom if I wanted to be. So why am I so damn miserable?”

“Because none of that matters if the one person you wanted has left you behind.”

“And you know what the worst part is?” She didn't wait for him to answer. “He is already fucking someone else! Yeah, that's what he came to tell me. Hey Julianna, it's been fun kicking it with you, but I'm bored and have already found someone to replace you. Thanks for the memories, sayonara!”

Not for the first time Miles believed Boston needed a knuckle sandwich and he’d dearly love to feed it to him but he sensed there was something they were missing. “Maybe he just said that to push you away.” What the hell was he doing? Making excuses for Boston? That’s some fucked up shit, Miles. Who was he rooting for? He refocused and said, “Listen, the guy doesn’t deserve you. I know it’s hard to believe this now but someday you’re going to look back on this and be so grateful that he did you a solid by walking away because you're so much better than he is. You have a kind heart and a compassionate soul. People like Boston Kinkaid are users and takers and they don’t know how to give back. Sooner or later they use up the people in their lives. And you're too good for that. I hate to see you go through that bullshit with a dickwad like him.”