Letting Go(26)
She sucked in a breath before continuing.
“I’ve never looked at Dash as anything but a friend until now, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I hate feeling like I’m betraying my dead husband for even considering this. I would have never been unfaithful to Carson, even if I’d known that Dash had feelings for me. And I don’t like you questioning his integrity because he had feelings for me that he never acted on until now.”
Kylie grimaced and looked away. Chessy leaned farther forward, taking Joss’s hand in hers.
“Yes, it could change things,” Chessy said in a calm voice. “But you can’t live your life without taking risks. If this is something you want to go for, you at least need to try. It’s worse to live with the what-ifs than it is to take the plunge and fail. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
“I have everything to lose,” Joss said in a raw voice. “I lost Carson and it would devastate me to ever lose Dash’s friendship. It would devastate me to lose yours or Kylie’s. I don’t want to lose anyone else I love.”
Chessy’s face filled with love and understanding. It made Joss’s eyes go watery, and damn it, enough with the tears. It was time to move beyond all that. To stop being such an emotionally fragile person.
“Sweetie, life is all about risk and there are no guarantees, as you well know,” Chessy said gently. “Let me ask you something. If you knew back when you and Carson got married that you’d only have a few short years with him, if you knew he’d die, would you have done anything differently? Would you have walked away from him then to spare yourself the pain of losing him later?”
The question shook Joss to her core. Without even thinking about it, her response was immediate.
“No, of course I wouldn’t have walked away! I’d do it all over again, and I wouldn’t change a thing, even knowing I’d lose him. Because what time we did have together was wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world,” she said painfully.
“Then why aren’t you willing to take a chance with Dash?” Chessy asked. “What if it works out? What if he makes you happy? What if he gives you what you want and need? What if you find love again? What if you have one wonderful year with him, and he gives you what you need and then you split up? Wouldn’t you rather have that year and not live with regret over not ever giving it a chance? You can’t stop taking risks just because you lost someone already. It’s no way to live, in fear of living in case of pain.”
“She has a point,” Kylie said grudgingly. “And I do want you to be happy, Joss. Even if it’s not with Carson. I’ll support you no matter what happens with Dash. As you told me, we’re sisters, and we’re best friends.”
“Thank you,” Joss said sincerely. “Thank you both. I don’t know what I’d do without such wonderful friends—sisters. You’ve both given me a lot to think about. And I do have to give this careful consideration.”
Chessy squeezed her hand. “We’ll leave you to it then. Just know that I’m only a phone call away. And I also want you to know, that no matter what, I love you. Tate and I both love you. And he’ll personally kick Dash’s ass if he ever hurts you.”
Joss smiled, but sadness tugged at her heart. She didn’t want to cause a rift between her friends. She didn’t want Tate to ever become angry with Dash over her.
Kylie rose and then leaned down to hug Joss fiercely. Joss returned the hug and then pushed herself up to go walk her friends out.
“Keep in touch, hon, okay?” Chessy said. “And if you ever need to talk, just pick up the phone. Night or day. It doesn’t matter.”
“I will,” Joss said truthfully. “And thank you both again for caring about me. I’m not going to do anything to cause anyone hurt. I hope you both know that.”
“We do,” Kylie assured. “And I’m sorry if I hurt you with the things I said. I do love you, Joss. And I do want you to be happy. I know that Carson would want you to be happy. It takes a pretty special guy to remain friends with a man who had feelings for his wife. If Carson could and did live with that, then so can I.”
Joss hugged them both and then watched as they walked down the paved sidewalk to where they were parked out front. She stood there as they drove away and then she went back inside to get her purse and her keys.
It was automatic to get in her car and drive toward the cemetery. She wasn’t even aware of what she was doing until she neared the gates leading inside. She braked and came to a stop at the entryway, staring ahead at all the headstones that dotted the landscape.