Learning to Be Little Again(59)
“Here’s lunch,” he said, walking back into the living room, carrying a tray filled with food.
“Thanks,” I said, noticing he brought lunch for both of us. He set the tray on the coffee table and then handed me a plastic plate with small cut up pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
“Sweetie, you can place the plate on your lap and eat with your left hand. When you want a drink, just let me know and I’ll feed you your bottle.”
“Okay,” I said, noting that once again my drink was in a bottle. I was seriously going to have to talk to him about this after lunch. We ate lunch together in silence. I just couldn’t say anything. I was thinking too much about how I wanted to tell him I was not up to actually acting like a baby.
I didn’t know how to phrase it right. I didn’t want to sound rude and make him angry, and I really did appreciate that he was willing to help me. I just wished he had talked to me so we could have come up with a plan together about how I should be treated during this time.
We finished lunch quickly. I’d hardly touched my bottle because I was starting to feel my bladder growing full and didn’t want to drink too much.
He noticed that I hadn’t drunk much so he picked up the bottle and placed it to my lips. “Go on, take a sip,” he encouraged.
Not wanting to start a fight, I opened my mouth to let him push the bottle inside. I began to suck the juice, hoping that once I finished this, I could talk to him.
“All done,” he declared, pulling the nipple of the bottle out of my mouth after several minutes and placing it on the coffee table. He patted my stomach and I cringed. Just that slight pressure made my bladder feel ready to explode.
“I’m so sorry, baby girl. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said, leaning over and kissing my stomach.
“You didn’t. I just… I just have to go to the bathroom,” I said, not meeting his gaze. This was embarrassing.
“Sweetie, just use your diaper. Don’t worry about a thing. Daddy will take care of you.”
“I can’t… Robert, we need to talk. I don’t—” I began, but he interrupted me.
“Let me help you then,” he said, and before I could stop him, he started to press down on my low abdomen.
“Ahhh!” I cried out as a gush of warm liquid filled my diaper. I couldn’t help the tears that cascaded down my face as I continued to wet my diaper. I didn’t want this! He didn’t listen to me, I thought as I finally finished emptying my bladder.
“Shhhh… baby girl. You’re okay. Daddy’s here,” he said, kissing my head.
This just made me cry harder! Big, fat tears were freely rolling down my face. I couldn’t control them. I couldn’t believe he had just made me do that, without asking. Granted, maybe he took my, “I can’t”, as me being willing to do it, but that I was just having trouble letting go and using the diaper.
I closed my eyes, continuing to cry as he picked me up and carried me into my little girl’s room. He gently placed me down on the changing table and made quick work of changing my wet diaper and putting me in a dry one.
“All done, sweetie pie. I think it’s nap time now. I don’t want to have a cranky baby girl later,” he said before he lifted me up and carried me over to my little girl bed. Somehow, he managed to pull down the covers and place me down. Then he lifted the covers up to my chin, gave me my teddy bear, and placed a kiss on my forehead.
I continued to cry. I just felt so ashamed. I’d never wanted to do that infantile act, but not five minutes ago, I’d done it.
“Sweetie, you’re okay. What you just did is no big deal. Here, roll onto your tummy,” he said, not giving me any time to do it myself. He just moved me so I was on my stomach. He began to rub my back and despite my anger, I could feel myself starting to fall asleep.
“Sweet dreams, baby girl.”
That was the last thing I heard before I drifted off to dreamland.
* * *
I awoke two hours later and turned onto my back, looking around my room, trying to wake up. I noticed there was a baby monitor on my nightstand. Robert must have put it there, I thought as I stretched out.
I must have been making a lot of noise because a few seconds later, he walked into my bedroom. “Hi there, baby girl. Did you have a nice nap?”
I nodded.
“How would you like for me to read you some books now?”
“Okay. That sounds fun.” I needed a few more minutes to think about exactly how I wanted to tell him I couldn’t act this young. I’d tried before, and I remembered how that had ended.
“Alright. I have a large stack waiting for you and teddy in my bedroom. I’ll give you a lift.” He picked me up and carried me into his room, sat me down on the bed, gave me teddy, and then sat down on the other side.