Lacey's Luhpynes(17)

He shoved a hand through his hair. "I don't know how to explain this so  it makes sense, Lacey. All I know is that I refuse to support a lie of  any kind. I wouldn't be their father and being called such just feels  wrong to me. While I would be there to help raise them, protect them and  guide them I wouldn't be their father. So why would they call me that?"

"So what would they call you instead?" Lacey asked softly. "I want to  know. I'm trying very hard to understand everything. So, what would you  have children of mine call you? Knowing that we will be sharing the same  bed every night?"

"My name," he said with a frown. "What else would they call me, Lacey?"

A throat clearing in the hall behind her made them aware of Zhubin. "I  think the point she's trying to make here is that, while you may not  have given them life, you will be raising them, Ansell. Teaching them,  helping them and protecting them. That is all that a father does. It's  what my father did for you."

"And never once did I call him father even when he requested it. I love  him and will always be grateful to him but we are not blood. It is a  form of a lie and one not even I could perpetrate for a child."

"But how would you be able to tell a small child that's looking up at  you as if you hung the moon and stars that you weren't his or her daddy  if they lifted their hands to you and asked for daddy to pick them up?  Ansell, you are an amazing man, you really are, and I want you to share  that amazing self with any children that we might have."

"I wouldn't correct a young child, Lacey," he said through his teeth,  clearly frustrated. "I said when they were old enough, the misconception  would need to be cleared up. I'd never do anything to harm a child."

"Look." Zhubin stepped in between them. "Let's table this for now.  Ansell, you have twenty minutes before dinner is ready. Go and have your  shower. We will all sit, enjoy the meal and then discuss this further  after we've all digested what's already been said. All right?" He looked  back and forth between them.

Lacey nodded and sighed. She watched Ansell walk away and felt her heart  hurting. She looked to Zhubin and had tears in her eyes. "I love him,  so very much I love him. I love you too. What happens now?" she asked.

"Now we will eat dinner, try and calm down and then we will talk some  more. We may not solve this all tonight, Lacey, but we will solve it.  He's not opposed to being around children, your children. But he does  have a point. A lie is a lie to our beasts. Whether it is small or  full-born it still makes us hurt. For children, the rules of the beast  can be bent but only for so long. Besides, children are anything but  stupid. They see and understand far more than most adults ever could or  would. Come, let's get you something to drink while I rescue the roast  from the oven."

"Is it just me making more out of this than there should be? And do you  even want to be the father of our children? If Ansell is that against  it, what are your thoughts?" she asked softly. "What do you want to do? I  know what Ansell wants, and I respect that, now it's your turn."

"I'm all for giving you as many babies as can be managed," he said and  shot her a grin that slid away too soon. He moved into the kitchen and  went straight to the oven. "I love kids, always have. I was an only  child until Ansell joined our household. Though not from lack of trying  on parents' end, from what I regrettably overheard during those years."  He paused with the oven door open and shuddered. "Some things no child,  no matter their age, should ever have to overhear. But apparently my  mother had a difficult time carrying me, and a hard labor. So the  doctors insisted she never have a child again and then ensured she  couldn't. She slightly smothered both myself and Ansell. Which reminds  me." He turned after setting the large pan on the stove. "Watch out for  her and her helpful advice. Gods only know what she may give you."

"Gotcha. Watch out for the motherly advice," Lacey said with a smile. "I  want a very large family, not right away, but I really do. We have a  killer to catch before we can think about having a child but I truly do  want as many children as we can possibly have."                       
       
           



       

"There you go. We will get him, Lacey. I haven't heard anything back yet  from my father but hopefully there will be news in the morning.  Tonight, though, we're not going to worry about that. We're going to  have a nice meal and spend the evening figuring out where we want our  lives to go as a unit, a team."

"And tonight I want to know what it feels like to have you both holding  me. We don't have to have sex, but I want to know what I've been denying  myself for so very long. I really and truly love you both and I want to  know what it will be to have you both sleeping with me. Think that  Ansell will go for it?"

Nodding, he smiled slightly. "I know he seems like a stubborn asshole,  believe me, he can be. But he can also be reasonable. Not always but if  you get him on the right day when the planets are aligned." He chuckled.  "Can you set the table for me?" he asked, pointing to the dishes  stacked on the counter.

"Sure, I can do that without issue at all," she told him with a smile.  She moved to start to set the table and watched him as she did so. "I've  known you guys for several years, I like both of you a great deal, I  really do. I just want to be able to do this without effing everything  up and it looks like I'm failing time and again."

"Hey, none of that," he said, bringing over two bowls, one with baby  potatoes and the other with little carrots and peas. "That sort of  thought process is destructive and just plain silly. You aren't failing,  but you are having to deal with two extremely stubborn Luhpynes. So  really, if there is any blame to be laid for this being harder than  necessary, it falls on Ansell fully."

"No, you can't blame him." Lacey found herself quickly taking up for the  other Luhpyne. "I mean it. It's no more his fault than yours. I'm just a  stubborn brat and we both know it. I just guess that I'm scared to  death about everything that is happening right now. Everything that's  going on. I won't want to do something that will cause harm to anyone  and I'm afraid that I've already done that to him. I'm a terrible  person."

"You're not a terrible person, Lacey," Ansell said from the doorway.  When she turned to look his way he moved into the room slowly. Zhubin  moved away as he got closer. "I'm a stubborn ass. Zhubin is right about  that. I can't help how I am but I might be able to explain it." He held  out a hand to her. "Will you come sit with me for a minute so I can  try?"

"Of course." Lacey moved to his side and then slipped her hand into his.  Giving his hand a squeeze, she nodded. "All right. I will do whatever  you want. I look forward to you telling me anything that you have to  tell me. I just want to know if you think that I will fit into the world  that you have with me."

Leading her from the kitchen he took her to the living room. Kicking the  wolves off the sofa, he sent them toward the kitchen. Then they sat.  "My parents abandoned me as a child but what no one, not even Zhubin  knows is, I remember them. Not clearly, not perfectly by any means, but I  recall enough that if I wanted to I could find them, I suppose. I just  don't want to. Their betrayal hurt me deeply. That and the fact I know  my father was a Rogue, a Luhpyne that isn't all there mentally. I can't  be sure but I don't think my mother was his mate, I think she belonged  to another two males and he'd taken her for some reason."

"Oh, honey." Lacey moved in closer to Ansell and cupped his face in her  hands. "You are better off without them then, if they left you. I won't  though. I'm here for good and you need to get used to that idea. I love  you, Ansell, and to me that means something. That means that I'm never  going anywhere. I'm here for now and for the rest of time. I want and I  need for you to get used to that idea so that we can figure out what we  want to do with life, okay?"

"The only problem is, a child born of a Rogue, especially while in the  Rogue state has a higher chance of becoming Rogue. And of birthing a  Rogue child. That's why I think Zhubin is the better choice. Genetically  speaking and temperamentally too. I have a foul temper, worse than most  Luhpyne and it's all thanks to dear old Dad. I have to watch it  carefully and walk away from situations I know will push me toward that  edge."

Lacey had to think for several minutes but when she spoke it was very  quietly. "What if he wasn't your father?" she asked quietly. "You said  that you think that he stole your mother from her mates. What if they  were your father, not him? Then there wouldn't be that Rogue gene in  you. And honey, you have a right to be angry from time to time, you  truly do. Hell, I'm angry ninety-nine percent of the time, does this  mean that I'm a Rogue as well?"