LOVE ‘EM(60)

The baby I can’t even feel yet looms in my mind. The what-ifs and how-comes and all the doubt that I’ve ever felt about this man and his intentions has manifested in front of me—right where he stands.

“Ronnie, I know I messed up. I do. I can only hope you’ll consider forgiving me. Please. I’ve missed you so fucking bad. You and I, we’re good together. Surely you know that.”

I tuck my fingernail between my teeth. A throb starts between my eyes. I push my hand over my face and into my wild curls. “I don’t know that, Jack. I don’t think you and I have the same long-term goals at this point.”

He squints, turning his head just slightly. “Wait. What? Long-term goals? Ronnie, I want to be with you. Long-term.”

I shake my head and turn away. “Well, that’s not good enough, Jack.”

My heart shrivels. He doesn’t get it. He’ll never get it. He was a confirmed bachelor. He probably never even considered having kids. This isn’t what he wanted. He really didn’t even want a woman.

Jack follows me into the living room. “I don’t understand, Peaches. You tell me what enough is, and I’ll do it.”

I plop into my spot on the sofa and pull the blanket up around me like a shield. “It’s all right, Jackson. I don’t expect anything from you that you aren’t prepared to give.”

He gets to his knees in front of me. “Damn it, Ronnie Fitz, I love you. And I think you love me too. I talked to Dave. I know you two were never physical. I know, Ronnie. I know.”

“Know what, Jack? That I lied? That I wanted to get back at you for being an asshole? That it pissed me off that you would play such an underhanded and dirty trick, and kept it going even after you and I were intimate?”

“No. That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean, I know those things too, but there’s something else you haven’t told me.”

I tuck my shaking hands under my arms. “Just go, Jack. You don’t want what I have, and you know it.”

“What do you have that I don’t want, Ronnie?” His green eyes are intense as he stares into mine.

I’m not ready to hear him say it again. I can’t hear him say we should be rid of it. It’s my baby, even if he doesn’t want it. I bite my lips.

“Damn it, Ronnie. I bared my soul to twenty million Americans tonight, and you can’t even be honest with me, one man? I don’t get it. Why?”

Tears prick the backs of my eyes, and my throat tightens as it tries to strangle me. A shuddering breath escapes my aching chest. I clamp my jaw shut. I won’t cry. No crying for him. If he doesn’t want our baby, he doesn’t deserve my tears.

He pulls on my forearms until I let loose. His grip moves to my hands. “Peaches, I know about the baby. It’s mine. I know it is. You can’t deny it.”

Hot moisture spills over my lashes onto my cheeks, blurring my vision. I try to swallow the tears, but now that they’ve escaped, there’s no calling them back. My nostrils flare as I suck in a much needed breath, even if it does hitch as I try to draw it into my lungs.

He lets go of my hands and catches my tears with the back of his finger. “Why are you crying, Babe? I told you, if something happened—”

I close my eyes. “I don’t ne—need you. I can raise it on m—my own. Just walk away, Jack.”

His jaw drops as he looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “I can’t just walk away. I’m not that guy. I told you—”

I press my finger to his lips and shake my head. “Don’t say it again. It’s all right. No one will know it’s yours, so no one will judge you. And don’t worry. No one will come knocking asking for money.”

He pulls my hand away from his mouth. “Money? What the fuck are you talking about, Ronnie? You don’t want me to be part of my—our baby’s life? Don’t say that.”

Wait. What? I touch freezing fingers to my suddenly hot forehead. “Say that again—I don’t think—”

Jack moves to sit beside me. He slides his arm around my waist. “I think you’re working under a false assumption of some kind. I said, I want to be part of our baby’s life. I want you, Ronnie. I want both of you. Why would you think anything different?”

I search his face for some sort of signal that he’s lying to me. Something to tell me that I heard him wrong. That everything I’ve ever wanted isn’t really being handed to me like I deserve happiness or something.

“But you—you said if something happened we’d take care of it.”

He nods. “I did say that. I remember saying that. I meant it. I’ll always take care of you. I’ll take care of our baby—and any other babies we have. I won’t be absent the way my father was. I want to be there for everything.”