LOVE ‘EM(58)

Great. Of all the cops that could’ve pulled my ass over, I get the one who reads gossip rags.

It takes a total of seventeen minutes before I’m free to go. I slam my fist on the dash. “Fuck.”

I turn the car toward home. No way I can get all the way out to LAX and catch her now. She’s probably already at the gate.

When I let myself into my house, Bull’s waiting. Happy to see me and wanting to play, he grabs his toy and spits it at my feet.

I flop onto the bed. “Sorry, Buddy. Not tonight.”

He jumps onto the bed. His toy hangs over my chest while his expressive eyes question what could possibly be so bad that I wouldn’t want to play.

I slide my hand over his head, scrubbing behind his ears. “I fucked up, Bull. Bad.”

He whines. Then he drops the slobbery stuffed animal on my belly, jumps off the bed, and runs out of the room.

I pull in a deep sigh and choke on it. “Fuck, Bull! What the hell?”

The air is rancid with dog shit stink.

That dog needs to visit the vet. There’s something wrong with his gastrointestinal health. I lay my arm over my nose and mouth.

I deserve it, though. I should have to breathe bad-fart air. My life should reflect my personality. I’m a complete asshole.




I swipe my screen and end the call. “Fuck it. It’s been three days. She’s not going to answer.”

Bax grunts and takes another swig of his beer.

“What?” I ask.

“Don’t be a pussy. She’s your woman. Go get her.”

“A pussy? Are you fucking kidding me?”

He stares at me. “Look, just because things aren’t going the way I’d like with my own life, it doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about. She ran because she wants you to come get her.”

“No. She ran because she hates my face. She doesn’t want to see me. Hell, she probably can’t stand to hear my fucking name. It was just a joke. How was I supposed to know I’d fall for her?”

Bax drops his head. “Don’t ask me. I can’t even talk the girl I want into another fuck. I thought it was good. I thought we had fun. I thought she was attracted to me. All I want is a fuck or two more. Is that too much to ask?”

I shake my head. “We’re quite the pair. Two dicks, pissing into the wind.”





I wrap the blanket tighter around my legs.

Gee-Gee hands me a cup of hot cocoa. “Here, Baby Girl.”

I pat the sofa cushion right next to me. “Come watch with me?”

She sits and takes me into her arms, hugging me tightly. “Why do you watch his show every night if you say you don’t have feelings for him?”

I pull in a breath and hold it, count to three, and let it out slowly. “Because—I don’t know. I just do.”

The commercial break between shows ends, and Jack’s house band plays his theme song. The audience erupts into applause.

He unbuttons his jacket and takes his seat. He looks into the camera. “I’m skipping the introductory segment this evening. It’s time to get down to business.”

More cheering.

What is he doing? This isn’t the normal format for his show.

He sucks in a deep breath through his nose, and then lets the air seep out between tight lips. “A few weeks ago, on this program, we had two very special guests. I nicknamed them Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em.”

I cover my lips with my fingertips. Lord. What is he doing?

He picks up my book, showing it to the audience. “This is a wonderful self-help book written by Ms. Ronnie Fitz, or Love ‘Em as I dubbed her. It’s a book detailing ways a woman can catch and keep the love of her life.”

I try to swallow the brick lodged in my throat.

A clip from my first guest appearance comes on screen. Just enough to get the idea of what Shayna does, and how the bet came about.

The bet. Of course. He has to address that. Sunday is Valentine’s Day, so this is the show that we were supposed to meet on-air with the results.

My teeth grind.

When the clip is over, Jack comes on screen. “So, we made a bet. Most of my viewers know I love a good practical joke every now and then.”

The studio fills with clapping and whistling.

Jack motions for the crowd to calm down. “Well, I thought it would be fun to pull a fast one on our two unsuspecting players in this bet. So, unbeknownst to Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em, I hired this man.”

A photo of Dave pops onto the screen for a few seconds.

“This man is an actor. His job was to pose as a regular guy. Love ‘Em was supposed to attract and hopefully get him to fall for her. Then we were to send Leave ‘Em in to try to entice him away from Ms. Fitz.”

Jack steeples his hands in front of his mouth for a moment, while the audience calms again after more cheering. When they quiet, he says, “Now, not only did I hire this man, but I also made fairly certain that no matter what techniques these ladies employed, he wouldn’t truly be enticed by either of them.”