Just a Number(132)

I shake my head. “No. I wasn’t comparing you to her. I was comparing how I felt last night to how I felt when I found out about her infidelity—there is absolutely a difference there.”

“Okay. I get that, but the truth remains that it upset me. Probably because it held a modicum of truth.”

“Amelia, no…”

“Hear me out for just a second.” I do. “Everybody there last night saw me dancing with Justin. Like you, they didn’t know him or his sexual orientation. Then you flew in and pummeled him. To a room full of strangers, I looked like a cheater—a cheater like Gretchen. Thinking back on this just now, as we’ve been sitting here talking, well, it doesn’t sit well with me. Even though I thought I was better than her in so many ways, the fact is, my dad was right.” I hadn’t been expecting to hear that Alan might have actually fought for me versus against me, so I’m left a little stunned as Amelia continues. “I really didn't consider your feelings—something that was also common of Gretchen. I don’t want to lose you, Owen, so it's a scary thought to have any similarities to her, knowing what she did and why you left.”

Neither of us moves, still unsure where we stand, so I decide to take another giant leap. “You said something to me this morning that struck true, and I feel it only fair to be honest with you about it after you were brave enough to open up to me: You wondered if my behavior was due to his age. While that’s not all of it, it was—no, is a large part of it. Like you, I’m hyper-aware of our age difference and the very real possibility that you could leave me for someone younger whenever the mood struck.” Sighing, I cast my eyes from hers, scratching the back of my neck as I remembered what my sister had said. “We’re both at very different points in our lives, Amelia—something we both knew going into this. But somewhere along the line, we lost sight of that. We got so caught up in trying to justify our relationship to everyone else that we forgot about all the things that could ruin us. You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t assume the worst before asking questions, and I feel like I deserve someone who respects and holds the same standards in a relationship.”

“Wait… Wh-what are you saying?” Amelia asks, voice trembling.

“You’re young, still finishing college. You want to start on your career next year, and I… Well, I want a family.”

“Oh.” Amelia pauses, raising a hand to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. She forces a smile as a lone tears slips from her eye and rolls down her cheek. She averts her gaze and swipes it away, probably hoping I hadn’t seen it. “Well, at least we had fun while it lasted. That was why we started, right?” She steps forward, swiping the tear from her cheek. “I guess ending things now, before we fall even deeper, is the right thing to do. I’ll, uh, let myself out.”

I’m stunned into silence, going over what I said and wondering where I went wrong. It was never my intention to end things, but I definitely see how she had gotten that impression. Before she can leave the living room, I grab her by the arm. “Amelia,” I say softly, staring deep into her eyes. “This isn’t me telling you it’s over between us… I don’t want this to be over.”

“But you just said…”

“I know what I said, but that’s not what I meant… Well, it is, but I think it got lost in translation.” I sense her relief, drinking it in like a fresh glass of water. “All I was trying to say was that, because we’re at these points in our lives, we need to work harder—communicate better—to make it work. I love you, Amelia. You make me see the world in new and exciting ways. I’m alive in ways I never knew possible. But…”

“What?”

“If I told you I wanted to have a baby in the next year, what would you say?”

“I—” Amelia inhales deeply, biting her lower lip as she contemplates my hypothetical request. “I’d want to talk about it, but it wouldn’t be off the table. I’d consider it. For you.”

“That’s all I ask,” I say. Hearing that she’d consider my request is all I need. To know that we’d be open to discussing it and even compromising on when to start that stage of our relationship comforts me in a way I didn’t even know I’d been craving until this morning.

Her smile returns, wide and genuine. “After you left,” she says softly, “I realized that, had I been in your position and saw some woman dancing with you the way I was dancing with Justin, I’d have lost my damn mind. So, I get it now, and I can’t apologize enough for it.”