Just a Little Crush(79)

“Stop saying that.” After what I’d found out from Paige, I couldn’t let Ryder keep blaming himself.

“I did.”

“No, you didn’t. It wasn’t your fault. I know that now.”

Ryder turned and studied me. “What do you mean?”

“You said Noah put me on the website.” I sighed. “I believe you, which means I don’t think you’ve ever lied to me. I trust you.”

His lips parted and he looked about ready to speak, then he snapped his mouth shut. He walked to the door. “Okay.” He left and I stared at the empty spot where he’d been.

What the hell was that about? I’d expected something, anything, but ‘okay’? Ryder always had something to say; why now, when I’d decided to open up to him, had he decided to be the silent type? Crap. I couldn’t win today. Even though it made my stomach twist into an unbearable knot of nerves, I was going to have to approach him. We needed to clear the air in order to enjoy our vacation. Maybe we could be friends, or maybe we’d just avoid each other the rest of the trip, but I couldn’t keep doing the awkward encounters. We had to just lay it all out.

When I went back outside, the sun had sunk low on the horizon. The girls sat in a semicircle around the fire pit as Chris and Nate piled driftwood. Ryder was missing.

I stood next to Mason. “Walk with me?”

He glanced up and nodded.

I carried my flip-flops in my hand as we strolled along the edge of the water. Waves lapped against the shore, momentarily drowning my feet in sea foam.

“What’s going on, Mason?” I lifted the hem of my dress as a larger wave crashed into me.

“I don’t know. The thought of you with him is hard, seeing it…I don’t know if I can do it.” He picked up a clamshell and rubbed his thumb over the smooth inside then tossed it into the water. “You’re my best friend. We’re pretty great together. Don’t you ever wonder if there could be more?”

“I don’t know. I mean, at some point or another I might have wondered that but, in all honesty, I know there isn’t. We aren’t meant to be more than friends, and I think you know that.”

“Because you don’t have those feelings for me? You aren’t attracted to me.” The last part sounded like an accusation.

“Mason, you’re a really good-looking guy. You know you are,” I teased. “And the female part of me totally recognizes that.” I nudged him. “Trust me.” I slipped my hand into his. “But the part that is your friend knows our relationship is meant to stay platonic.”

He stopped walking and tugged my hand, forcing me to face him. “I’d never hurt you like he did.”

“I know, and that’s why you’re my best friend.” I smiled up at him. “Mason, you’re attracted to a lot of girls but you’re comfortable with me. That’s all this is. But when things don’t work out we could never move back. And I can’t lose you. You’re too important to me.”

He looked out at the water for a moment, then leaned in and kissed me.

I stepped back but he moved forward. He moved his lips over mine and coaxed them to part as he slipped his tongue inside. While his mouth was soft and warm, his kiss sweet and gentle, it did nothing for me. Actually the opposite.

I placed my hands on his chest and broke the kiss. His eyebrows pushed together and he studied me.

“Huh,” he said.

“Oh my God.” I laughed. “If you say I’m a bad kisser…”

He grinned. “No. It’s not that. It’s just, I think you’re right.” He started walking again and pulled me along.

“You felt nothing?” I tried to hide my smile.

“Well, I felt something, but it was a whole lot of physical and not a lot of emotional. I always thought it’d be big. You know? Like I’d just know when I kissed you that we were meant to be.” He shrugged. “And I was so drunk the first time I did it, I can’t remember much of it.”

So he did remember the drunken kiss. I chose not to rehash that and said, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. We’re meant to be friends. Nothing more.” I squeezed his hand before slipping mine free. “Now, clearly you have the hots for Leena, so quit wasting time trying to piss Ryder off and give her the attention she deserves.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m still not too sure about the guy.”

“Well, I am. So leave him alone.” With a playful glare, I nudged him. “Let’s go back.”

As we walked, our friends came into view. Ryder had joined the group.

The bonfire flames cast shadows onto his face. He tilted a beer can to his lips, looked at Mason then me. Pinching his lip ring between his thumb and forefinger, he sighed.