Just The Way You Are(86)

"No, you were the worst," Tessa said as she tried to stand up but slipped on the floor and landed hard on her right hip.

Alli gasped at Tessa's sudden cry of pain. "Oh, my God. Are you all right?" She went down on her knees in front of Tessa. "Did you break something?"

"I should break you," Tessa retorted, then her shoulders started to shake.

"What?" Alli suddenly realized her sister was laughing. Laughing! She tried to drum the anger back up again but as she stared into Tessa's flour-covered face, Alli, too, was struck by the ridiculousness of the situation.

"You look awful," Tessa said, pointing a finger at her as she collapsed in laughter.

"And you've never looked better," Alli replied as a laugh snuck past her own lips. "If your fans could see you now."

"I'd probably be out of a job." Tessa wiped a chunk of flour away from her eyes. "Ick. Do you remember that food fight we had with Dad? Mom was at the PTA meeting, and Dad made that spaghetti—"

"Which was awful," Alli finished.

"And he threw the noodle at the wall, and it stuck," Tessa said with a giggle.

"And then you threw a noodle at him, and it stuck to his forehead."

"We had so much fun that night." Tessa's laughter faded away.

"We did have fun." Alli felt strangely empty, as if her body had suddenly deflated.

"Not just that night," Tessa said.

"Not just that night," Alli agreed. She hesitated, then plunged ahead, knowing that what she had to say was long overdue. "I'm sorry, Tessa, sorry for seducing Sam. I know you won't believe me, but I regretted it almost instantly. I didn't just do it to hurt you, I did it because I loved Sam. And I thought it might be my only chance to have him. When you were around, he didn't look at anyone else. And I was crazy about him. I couldn't think straight."

"I thought it was just a crush, something you'd grow out of given enough time."

Alli looked her in the eye. "If I could take it back, I would, and not just because of how I hurt you, but because of how I hurt Sam. It wasn't fair to him. And it isn't even fair to Megan, because now she has two parents who don't belong together." Alli took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I've made a lot of mistakes. Saying sorry doesn't make them go away, but it's all I have to offer."

"I've made a few mistakes, too," Tessa said after a moment. "I shouldn't have stayed away so long. I missed time with Grams. And I don't even know my niece, who seems to be a wonderful little girl, in spite of all of us." Tessa leaned back against the counter. "I missed you, too, Alli. When it rained last night, I remembered how we clung to each other the night Mom and Dad died, and it hurt to know that we'd never be that close again."#p#分页标题#e#

Alli bit down on her lip as she struggled not to cry. She couldn't believe that Tessa had missed her at all. But why would she say it if it wasn't true?

"I miss the way we used to talk when the lights were out," Alli said after a moment. "I miss the way you used to play the flashlight on the ceiling, putting your fingers over it in weird ways to scare me."

"I don't remember that," Tessa teased, her eyes somewhat misty.

"Most of all I miss having you there to share a memory," Alli continued. "Because not even Grams was with us in the beginning. I lost my childhood when I lost you, because I couldn't talk about it to anyone who would understand."

"I couldn't either. And I wanted to," Tessa said, her mouth trembling.

Alli felt a tear slide down her cheek. "I did love you, Tessa. And I wish—I wish I hadn't hurt you so bad."

Tessa sniffed. "You're trying to make me cry. But I'm not going to cry."

"I've cried lots of times." Alli wiped another tear off her cheek. "When Megan was born, I remember waking up in the middle of the night in the hospital room, and I was all alone. Sam had gone home and Megan was in the nursery, and I looked out the window and I saw this incredible star winking at me, and I remembered all those times we looked at the sky with Grams, counting the stars, trying to decide which one was sending us a kiss from Mom and Dad. And I turned to look at you—but you weren't there."

Alli shook her head as the tears overwhelmed her. "You weren't there. You were my only sister, and I had a new baby, and I wanted you to see her, see how pretty she was, but you weren't there. And I missed you." Alli's voice caught, and she couldn't go on, especially when she saw that Tessa was crying.

Tessa suddenly scrambled toward her, putting her arms around Alli as they knelt on the kitchen floor. "I wish I had been there. My stupid pride wouldn't let me come back. I'm sorry."