Jess's Promise(27)

He strolled fluidly closer, as elegant as he always was in a pearl grey business suit, only the absence of a tie striking a less formal note. He looked gorgeous. In spite of the pain Jess was fighting to hold at bay, her heart started to pound very, very fast inside her.

‘I’m sorry—this isn’t how I planned this. I intended to be gone before you got back from work,’ he admitted levelly.

‘It won’t do you any good,’ Jess told him tartly. ‘I’ll just follow you to London and camp out on your doorstep.’

His brow indented and he gave her a bemused look. ‘I’m sorry?’

‘I want to be with you. I need to be with you,’ Jess said boldly. ‘Blame yourself for that. You dragged me into this.’

‘We’ll talk in the drawing room,’ he breathed tautly, lush ebony lashes lowering to screen his gaze from the intrusion of hers.

‘Nothing you could possibly say will change my mind,’ Jess warned him, lifting her chin as he closed the door on the hall and the bustle of the packers.

‘You’re taking an emotional view of this situation and that’s wrong.’

‘Maybe it would be wrong for you, but it’s not wrong for me,’ Jess cut in with assurance.

‘You’re thinking of me the way you think of your rescue animals—all starry-eyed compassion and do-gooding instincts to the fore,’ he condemned, his lean, strong face rigid with censure. ‘I don’t want that. I can’t live with that.’

‘And I can’t live with you dealing with this alone and away from me, so it seems that we’re at an impasse,’ Jess pronounced, taking in the disorientated look starting to build in his beautiful dark golden eyes and the anger that she was behaving in a way he had not foreseen. ‘We’re also about to have a major argument.’

A black brow lifted. ‘About what?’ he challenged, an aggressive angle to his strong jaw.

‘You have to go for that treatment you refused—’

‘No.’ The rebuttal was instant.

‘Stop thinking about you and think about this baby you decided to bring into this world.’ Jess shot that fiery advice back at him without hesitation. ‘Our baby deserves that you fight this by any means open to you. If there’s the smallest chance that you can survive this, you owe it to us to take it!’

Cesario gazed back at her with unflinching force but he had lost colour. ‘Strong words…’

‘Strongly felt,’ Jess traded, holding that look with intent grey eyes that willed him to listen, for she felt as if she was fighting for both their lives. When the tumour had first been diagnosed he had taken a stance and, in her opinion, he had taken the wrong one.

‘And what of the consequences if the surgery doesn’t go well?’

Jess squared her slim shoulders. ‘Then we’ll deal with that when and if it happens. We’ll manage. You’re luckier than most people in that you can afford the best medical care and support if you need it.’

‘But what if I’m not prepared to live with the risk of being maimed?’ Cesario pressed darkly.

‘Life is precious, Cesario. Life is very precious,’ Jess whispered vehemently, longing for him to accept that truth. ‘I can tell you now that our child would rather have you alive and disabled than not have you at all.’

‘I’m not going to ask you how you feel!’ Cesario shot back at her in a derisive attack that cut a painful swathe through her anxiety. ‘I’m talking to a woman with a three-legged, half-blind dog and a deaf dog and several others with what you might term a “reduced quality of life”, so I already know your liberal views. But I’m not a dumb animal and my needs are a little more sophisticated!’

‘But you are also putting your pride and need to be independent ahead of every other factor and you’re assuming that the worst case scenario will result,’ Jess condemned in a determined attack on his outlook. ‘Why so pessimistic? What happened to hope? What’s wrong with having hope? We have a child on the way. I’m asking you to think about what having a father will mean to our baby as he or she grows up.’

Cesario compressed his lips. ‘I’m not the right person to discuss that with because I had a rotten father.’

‘All the more reason for you to think this over now, because you could do the job better. I had a rotten birth father as well. He gave my mother the money for an abortion and considered his responsibility to us both concluded. But Robert Martin was a wonderful father to me,’ Jess declared with passionate sincerity. ‘He’s not educated and he’s not clever or successful like my birth father, but I love him very much for always being there to love, support and encourage me. What’s in your heart is what matters, not the superficial things.’

‘You were fortunate.’

Her face took on a wry expression. ‘But sadly I didn’t appreciate just how lucky I was to have Robert, until William Dunn-Montgomery had a solicitor’s letter sent to me warning me to stay away from him and his family.’

Cesario frowned, taken aback by that admission. ‘When did that happen?’

‘When I was a student of nineteen and I tried to meet my birth father. It was after I got out of hospital following the stalker attack. I was going through a difficult time emotionally and I was madly curious about my beginnings and rather naïve in my expectations. Sadly, William Dunn-Montgomery took fright at my first approach and made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with me,’ she explained with a grimace. ‘It took that experience of rejection for me to realise how privileged I’d been to have a stepfather like Robert, who always treated me as a daughter he was proud of.’

‘I can understand the depth of your loyalty to him now,’ Cesario conceded heavily. ‘I wish I hadn’t taken advantage of it.’

‘Never mind that now. Having a father enriched my life. All I’m asking is that you try to give our child the same advantage.’

Dark eyes bleak and without a shade of gold, Cesario breathed curtly, ‘I’ll bear that in mind, but I have thought long and hard about this and I have already made my decision.’

Jess released her breath in a slow hiss, the ferocious tension holding her taut draining out of her again to leave her feeling limp and wrung out. ‘Decisions can be changed!’ she argued.

‘But that decision was made six months ago. Surgery may not even be an option any more.’

That risk hadn’t really occurred to Jess. Up until that point all she had focused on was getting him to change his mind and consider treatment. Now all she could think about was how cruel it would be if Cesario was destined to die because he had met her too late.

Cesario searched her distraught face. ‘You and that baby have me over a barrel.’

‘That’s not how I want you to feel.’

‘I’m meeting with my doctors tomorrow—’

Her eyes widened fearfully. ‘I’m coming too. From now on, you don’t shut me out any more.’

‘This was supposed to be a practical marriage. I never wanted you to get involved in this!’ Cesario derided in a sudden burst of very masculine frustration.

‘I decide what I want to get involved in,’ Jess responded squarely.

‘You’ll regret it,’ he told her grimly. ‘At any time, feel free to walk away from this and me.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Jess informed him stubbornly. ‘And, by the way, I didn’t marry you to gain the right to live in this house because it once belonged to the Dunn-Montgomery family. Nor did I marry you purely to save my stepfather’s skin. I also wanted a child of my own—you and I had the same agenda.’

His lush lashes cloaked his gaze and the lean hands he had coiled into fists loosened again. He released his breath on a sigh. ‘I know that, but it doesn’t alter the fact that I used your stepfather’s plight to put you under unfair pressure to marry me.’

‘That’s not how you felt about it at the time,’ Jess reminded him. ‘And if we’re staying together, please tell your staff to put the office contents back.’

A faint touch of colour edging his high cheekbones, Cesario went to speak to his staff and the moving operation went into sudden reverse. Jess started to breathe a little easier when the first box went back through the office doorway instead of out of the house.

Taking off his jacket, Cesario strode back to her side, beautiful dark eyes lustrous, rousing a tiny scream of pain and fear inside her. How could he look so well and yet be so very far from well? Suppressing that negative thought, she sensed his uncertainty and she reached for his hand in an instinctive gesture of unity.

‘Let’s go upstairs where we’ll get some peace,’ he urged in the midst of the bustle around them, and he directed her towards the magnificent staircase.

‘There are things I have to say to you, mia bella,’ Cesario said very seriously before they reached the bedroom they invariably shared. ‘Things that I wanted to say weeks ago in Italy but which I felt then were better left unspoken.’

‘So, get them out of the way now,’ Jess urged, wondering in some apprehension what he had held back from saying to her. ‘We shouldn’t have any more secrets from each other.’