Jeeves and the Wedding Bells(74)

Georgiana thought it depended only on whether the old boy could be guaranteed continuing possession of his beloved Melbury Hall. Meanwhile, her mind seemed to have fastened on to the smaller details of the future.

‘We can have the second floor, Bertie. Dame Judith’s room is actually the best in the house, especially in summer. The views are wonderful.’

I repressed a shudder. ‘No cold cream and curling papers.’

‘Not until I’m at least seventy.’

‘I rather like the room at the end, where I am now.’

‘That can be the nursery.’

‘And I suppose Amelia and Woody will have the first floor.’

‘Absolutely. But I shall need to be in London during the week to carry on with my work.’

‘Plenty of room in Berkeley Mansions,’ I said.

‘What about Jeeves?’

‘He always said he’d hand in his notice if I got married.’

‘I’ll see if I can persuade him to change his mind,’ said my fiancée.

We drove back slowly through the summer night, and when we arrived at the Hall there seemed to be some sort of party going on. There were cars parked outside and lights blazing within. We went up the steps to the front door.

‘Let me go and speak to Uncle Henry first,’ said Georgiana. ‘I’ll drag him off to the library.’

I was left to make my way to the drawing room, where a large portion of the two-bobbers and a few standees were continuing the midsummer festivities. Bicknell was pushing round the refreshments and someone was playing the grand piano. I saw the hawkish face of Beeching, P. and made a bee-line for him.

‘What ho,’ I said.

‘What ho indeed, Bertie. This is another fine pickle you’ve got me into.’

‘Not so fast, young Beeching. All is for the best though oft we doubt what the highest something tiddly-pom …’

‘Are you blotto?’

‘No. Not at all.’

‘I thought perhaps that zonker had got to you. I supervised the barman and it was a pretty hefty one. With a cherry on top. Must have tasted innocuous, but by golly …’

‘It never reached me.’ I had in fact completely forgotten about Woody’s promised nerve-calmer.

‘But I gave it to that fellow Hoad and said, “Give this to that ass, Wooster.”’

We looked at one another for a bit.

I had a thought. ‘I don’t suppose Hoad even knows my real name is Wooster.’

A light came into the keen advocate’s eye. He smiled. ‘I think he gave it to the wrong ass.’

‘Etringham?’

‘Yes. That’s why he dropped off.’

While we were mulling over this twist of fate, Georgiana materialised at my side. ‘Darling,’ she whispered in my ear, ‘go and see Uncle Henry in the library now.’

‘Wish me luck,’ I said to them both.

The number of times I have been engaged to be married does not reflect well on me; even less flattering is the fact that none of the many proposed couplings got as far as the ‘Tell me about your prospects, young man’ stage with the intended’s father.

The scene ahead, as I knocked at the library door, was therefore what Jeeves calls terra incognita.

Sir Henry Hackwood was standing with his foot up on the club fender. He had changed from his Quince costume into the green smoking jacket.

‘Ah, Wooster. Sit down. Have a drink.’

I did as I was told, twice over, the ottoman yielding of its bounty.

‘Pretty good do, that, wouldn’t you say?’ said Sir Henry.

‘Rather. The paying public lapped it up.’

‘Bobby Etringham was thrilled.’

‘I’m not surprised,’ I said. ‘He went over big.’

‘He doesn’t remember much about it. It’s important he just savours the triumph. No need to fill him in on the details.’

‘None whatever.’

‘Now, Wooster.’

‘Yes, Sir Henry.’

‘I’ve been talking to my niece.’

‘Georgiana.’

He shot me a warning look, as if to let me know he was well aware of his niece’s given name.

‘I am going to be quite frank with you, young man. Do you play golf?’

‘I … er. Yes, occasionally. Not very well.’

‘Are you familiar with a shot near the green known as a “son-in-law”?’

‘No,’ I said, wondering if my host had been attacking the ottoman a bit too freely.

‘It’s a slight mishit that’s not a complete disaster. Calling it a “son-in-law” is a polite way of saying “Not quite what we were hoping for.”’

There was a pause as I tried to work out what the old sportsman was getting at.