[Jedi Quest] - 10(33)

“That is not an act that should bring you satisfaction, my young Padawan,” Obi-Wan said sternly. “I took a life.

“It was done as a last resort. And it rid the galaxy of a great evil. Therefore it was necessary and right.”

“Necessary - yes. But right?” Obi-Wan shook his head. “That is not a word to throw around lightly. We cannot say what is right. We can only do our best.” Obi-Wan’s gaze warmed. “As you do, Padawan. You never give less than your best. I’m proud of the Jedi you have become.”

Anakin was moved. His Master so rarely spoke this way. “Thank you, Master.”

Obi-Wan gave him a long look. “And… I wanted to tell you. The Jedi Council has decided that they won’t speed up the trials for Padawans. Your Knighthood will have to wait a bit longer.”

Anakin absorbed this news. So there was no chance, then. He would have to wait. It didn’t matter what he did, how well he performed.

“When the time is right, you’ll take the trials, and I have no doubt that you will astonish us all. Until then, we will work together. There is so much left to do, and I’m grateful to have you by my side for a little longer.” Obi-Wan paused. “Anakin? Are you all right?”

He was all right, Anakin suddenly realized. The weakness in his knees he’d felt when he saw Tru walk away was gone. In a strange way, the mission had strengthened him. He had a stronger conviction now, a harder edge to fight with. Everything had fallen away from him - his childhood, his friends, his wish to impress the Jedi Council.

He would never be helpless again.

He would only grow stronger.

He had fought with a Sith and seen true power. One day he would be able to match it. He would be able to fight it. Not yet. But someday. Soon.

As a boy, he hadn’t wanted things to change. He wanted to keep those he loved close to him forever. Yet everything did change. He was far from his mother. He had lost Darra. Tru. And Qui-Gon. He couldn’t fight against those kinds of losses. So be it. He would have to push them down until they didn’t matter anymore.

One day, he would face his worst loss, the loss of his Master. By surpassing him, he would lose him. He pictured Obi-Wan turning to him in slow surprise, grasping for the first time the true extent of his power. Seeing that the student had outstripped the teacher.

On that day, Anakin’s heart would break for the last time. He would feel the weight of impossible sorrow.

He would not be able to bear that sorrow. Unless he no longer had a heart.