Irresistible Temptation(27)

Meanwhile she had, she hoped, got things more into perspective herself.  Home was a healing place, she thought, and the rawness in her heart had  been assuaged somewhat by her parents' open delight in seeing her.

She'd had to act her socks off, pretending that everything in the garden  was roses, however. She'd talked brightly about her job, and the  television personalities she'd already met through it Described her flat  and, with affection, Sasha, but spoken of her plans to move. And she  hadn't once mentioned Declan.

'So what did you do yesterday, darling?' her mother had asked eagerly. 'Have you met someone nice?'

'No one serious,' Olivia had said, reflecting that it was no more than the truth.

After lunch, she'd gone for a long walk with the dog, so that she could think.

Firstly, she'd decided, she would have to try and put things right with  Jeremy. London had obviously gone to his head a little, and she couldn't  blame him for that, but when the novelty wore off, and he'd calmed down  a little, she would be waiting for him, she told herself resolutely.

They both had things to forgive each other for, but maybe it would make their relationship stronger in the end.

It had all been good, positive stuff, and she only wished she could feel more cheerful about it.

As for Declan, she'd thought, biting her lip until she'd tasted blood,  he was simply a charmer who enjoyed women, and there was no need to take  anything that had happened between them seriously. He couldn't resist  flirting, or going further if he was encouraged, and she'd be a fool to  let it get to her, or allow this stupid crush on him to develop any  further.

I'm no better than those autograph-hunters, she'd told herself. I need  to forget the fantasy and concentrate on what's real in my life.

She'd come to work, armed with that determination, and then she'd seen  Declan in the doorway, staring at her as if she were a ghost, and found  herself crucified by an impulse to go to him and hold him until the  nightmare in his head vanished.

Except I could be the nightmare, she realised sadly. And if it's true, I cannot bear to know.

And, on that thought, she resolved to go on to Stage B of her plan.



'You're leaving?' Sasha's voice rose in astonishment 'But, darling, why?'

'Louise in Accounts has a flatmate who's getting married. And I'd be  sharing with three others.' Olivia smiled resolutely. 'At the moment I  feel a bit isolated.'

'Yes,' Sasha said distractedly. 'I can see that But I thought …  Well, never mind that. Where is this flat?'

'Wandsworth. Louise took me to see it in my lunch-hour. It's an older house, with really big rooms.'

Sasha nodded. 'When do you want to move out?'

'The wedding's in three weeks but I can move in the week before.' Olivia  hesitated. 'But I don't want to leave you in the lurch.'

'You won't,' Sasha said briskly. 'Tenants come and go, and there's  usually another waiting in the wings. I often think my basement is  something of a rite of passage-a staging post in the search for a real  life. But I didn't think you'd find yours in Wandsworth.'

'You make it sound like the Gobi Desert,' Olivia said, amused in spite of herself.

'Wait until you've lived there for a while,' Sasha said darkly. She gave  a little sigh. 'Humph and I will miss you. Promise you'll keep in  touch.'

'Yes, of course,' Olivia said awkwardly, not knowing if this was a promise she'd be able to keep.                       
       
           



       

When she returned to her basement, her mobile phone was ringing.

'Livvy, my sweet?'

'Oh,' she said. 'Jeremy. How was the conference?'

'Bloody dire,' he said. 'A complete disaster from beginning to end.' He  spoke with enough feeling to convince her that his weekend, however he'd  spent it, had not gone according to plan.

But then neither had hers.

'Did you have a good birthday?'

'Fine;' She paused. 'Thank you for your present.'

'Oh, it was nothing.'

You can say that again, Olivia thought, then kicked herself mentally.  She was supposed to be building bridges here. Looking for a fresh start.

And sometimes it was better not to have too much imagination. Which was why she'd put Declan's paperweight away in a drawer.

'Listen,' he said. 'I've been neglecting you shamefully. I suppose  you've already eaten, but we could always go to a cinema. There's a new  French film on that's had rave reviews,' he added eagerly. 'What do you  say?'

She said gently, 'I'd love to. Where shall I meet you?' He was really  trying to make amends, she thought as she collected her jacket and bag,  because he hated foreign films. Not so long ago she'd have been singing  with happiness. Now, she felt quiet, and a little bleak. But he was  trying-and she would too.



It was an odd week, with Jeremy trying to second-guess her every wish,  and Declan strangely remote-even taciturn. When he spoke to her it was  only about work, and the atmosphere was heavy between diem.

Even the news that the Prime Ministers series had definitely been commissioned by a major network couldn't lift it.

It was almost a relief when he told her abruptly that he was taking some leave, and would be away the following week.

'Are you going somewhere nice?' She tried to smile, wanting, somehow, to  ease things back on the old footing. But the icy look he gave her said  plainly she was wasting her time.

'I'm going to Ireland.'

And are you going alone? was what she longed to ask next, but dared not.

Instead, she said, 'I hope you have a wonderful time. You've been looking tired.'

'I'm gratified by your interest,' Declan said coldly. 'But it's quite  unnecessary. And I'd appreciate being able to sign those letters I gave  you before I leave tonight'

Swine, Olivia thought hotly. Whatever his personal opinion of her, he couldn't fault her efficiency as his assistant.

She said, 'They're ready-sir,' and banged them down on the desk in front of him so hard she nearly barked her knuckles.



'I've found a flat,' Jeremy told her over dinner that night.

'Oh,' she said. 'That's-good.'

'Well, you might show a little more enthusiasm,' he said pettishly. 'God  knows you've been harping on about it ever since you got here.'

She sighed. 'I'm sorry. Tell me where it is-everything about it'

'It's in Notting Hill again,' he said. 'I mean-that's absolutely the in place at the moment'

'Which is important, of course.'

'Yes, it is,' he said crossly. 'Honestly, Livvy, you have to learn about these things.'

Her hand touched the bowl of her wine glass. She remembered another  rounded crystal shape, with a pink rose held for ever at its heart, and  felt the breath catch in her throat.

She said, 'Maybe I feel it's more important to find where you really belong-and go there.'

'What on earth are you talking about?'

'Nothing at all. It doesn't matter.' She smiled at him. 'When are you moving?'

'Next week. The present tenant's going back to Australia for a couple of  years, so I can rent until he returns, then look round for something to  buy.'

'Then you'll beat me to it,' she said. 'I have another ten days before I transfer to Louise's flat.'

'Louise's flat?' Jeremy repeated. 'Darling, don't be silly. You'll be moving in with me-just as we always planned.'

A great stillness seemed to settle around her. There was an icy silence screaming inside her head.

'Livvy-didn't you hear what I said?' He was smiling triumphantly. 'We're going to be together at last.'

She found a voice from somewhere. 'Do you think that's wise?'

'What do you mean?'

'Wouldn't it be better to leave things as they are-until you're divorced anyway?'

'That could take for ever.' He reached across the table, putting his  hand on hers. 'Livvy, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I  don't want to wait any longer.'

Olivia stared down at the table. This change of heart, she thought,  seemed to stem from her birthday weekend, and his sudden absence.  Something had clearly happened which had made him see her in a new and  favourable light.

She would probably never know what it was, but then, she thought with a pang, she had her own secrets.

'Besides,' he went on, I'm rather counting on you. Do you know how much the rent is?'

'Then find someone to share with you,' she said gently. 'Advertise for a flatmate. Make sure you get references.'                       
       
           



       

'Oh, for God's sake.' He threw himself back in his chair. 'What is your problem?'

'I don't think I have one,' she said equably. I'm moving in with Louise,  Hilary and Tricia. You're the one with the outsize rent.'

'Sometimes,' he said slowly, 'I really think I don't know you at all.'

'How could you?' she said. 'I've only recently discovered myself.' She  looked at the dish of fresh peach icecream which had just been placed in  front of her. For a brief moment she saw with total clarity the sun on  the river, with the great looming bulk of the Tower in the background.  And Declan laughing at her-bending forward …

Something closed in her throat, and she pushed the dish away. 'I'm not really hungry any more.'