Inevitable(32)

I found myself falling completely out of love for John, and when he discovered the affair, my life shattered. He knew James had a connection to a particular case he was assigned, so he threatened him and accused him of rash things. He told me I couldn't leave him, and if I tried, he would kill me. He had so much rage in his eyes when he spoke those words to me; I knew he meant every single one of them. I became a shell of myself not living, only existing.

Then I found out about you, Bree, and you changed everything in my life. You gave me a reason to do more than simply exist. John loved you, you were his Princess, but... he wasn't your father. He knew this from the moment I told him about you, yet he always treated you as his own. I never understood why, but I guess, in a way, you were part of him just the same. My only regret is I never had the chance to let James know before John took me away.

I hope you can see the resemblance between the two of you. I always did. Countless times, I would get lost in your eyes because they reminded me of him, of the love we shared. I loved him, I always will, and somehow, I know I always did. I am still just as much in love with him now as I was then.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I looked for him. I needed to tell him. This wasn’t something I could die knowing. I know you’re hurting beyond repair, but please know it was never my intention. You’re strong, and I know eventually, you will see this through. Know you were made out of love and it wasn’t his fault I hid you from him. Whatever you do, don't hate him. He doesn't deserve it.

I am sorry for keeping this from you, for being the person who hurt you the most. One day, I hope you will be able to forgive me. I love you in mind, body and spirit. Nothing could ever separate me from you. I'll always be in your heart.



P.S. I hope you live, never simply exist...but LIVE.



With love,

Mom



My tears stained the white paper smearing the words slightly as I folded it up. She never meant to hurt us, but she did. Now she wasn’t here to fix the problems she had caused. I was a casualty of a war started years before my time. I would be the one to end this war.

“I’m so sorry, Bree.” James, my father’s voice, sounded from somewhere. It could’ve been right in front of me—hell if I know. My heart was breaking. I felt like I was a million miles away.

It was as if I knew the fate, I knew what the letter would contain, but I didn’t want to believe. Even after reading it, I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t because believing it made it real and making it real made everything before this time a lie.

“Jared. Zerro.” I heard James yell but felt nothing. My body was numb, and my mind lacked words. There were no words for this.

I watched as Zerro rushed in, his hands and mouth moving a hundred miles an hour. None of it mattered, though. Deep inside of me, something was happening, something similar to an earthquake. I was cracking—breaking.

His arms wrapped around me, and I was moving. He carried me to the bedroom, laying me down on the bed. He continued to shout demands at whoever would listen as I blacked out every word he said.

“Talk to me, Bree. Say something, anything,” he pleaded, shutting the door to our room. What could I say? What would I say? I was numb? I was lost in the sea of lies.

Tears streamed down my face, making their own river.

“Are you in shock? What the fuck is going on, Bree? You’re scaring me.” I wanted to say good. Who could I blame? My mother was dead. John was dead. Mack was the only living evil next to Zerro, and though I was losing it, I knew my heart belonged to him. I stayed silent, replaying the letter over in my mind.

“Bree, fucking talk to me,” Zerro shouted. His hands dug into my shoulders as he shook me trying to get any response he could. Did he know? I had no way of knowing if he did or not. I had no way to know what was true and wasn’t.

“Lies upon lies. AND then more fucking lies. My whole life was one gigantic fucking lie. Selfishness got in the way of it all.” I cried, my anger shattering the air in the room. Zerro’s eyes grew large as he watched me sit up. He covered the remaining steps separating us before coming to stand in front of me.

“It’s a lie!” I screamed, shoving him with my hands. He stood there like a brick wall, which just added more fuel to my fire.

“She should’ve told me. She should’ve fucking said something. She shouldn’t have died and left me here without answers. She thought a fucking piece of paper would do justice…” I pounded my fists against his chest at his unemotional state, the anger inside of me swelling.

“Why are you just standing there, say something, or get out!” I growled glaring at him. I was broken. I was so fucking broken. The pieces of me shattered along with everything else that made me who I was.