In the Cards(81)

He may forgive me in time, but he will never trust me. Not really. I lied to him, and as I can’t seem to get beyond Rob’s lie, Levi won’t get past mine. It’s over and I’m to blame.

For the first time since May, I empathize with Rob.





CHAPTER SIXTEEN



Levi

When I return from my latest post-op checkup, I stop at my mailbox to grab my bills before entering my house. At least I received encouraging news about my recovery today. Doc says I’ll be driving and starting therapy by the end of the week.

Thank God. I needed a little good news just about now.

Opening a beer, I sit on the sofa to flip through my mail. Amid the bills and junk mail, I find a letter from Lindsey. I stare at the envelope. Lifting it, I tap it against the table several times and then set it aside. I’m not ready.

Beautiful, generous, loving Lindsey lied through her teeth. I opened my heart, and she deceived me by sneaking through my private belongings. Pop warned me caring too much blinds a man. Looks like he was right.

I ignored everything he taught me and took her at face value. Somehow she tricked me into believing she was unique, that she honestly cared. I brushed aside my suspicions because she made me feel so damn good. All along, she played me.

I didn’t do it to hurt you. I did it to know you. I only wanted to know you better.

Even if her motives weren’t malicious, she still inserted herself into my personal affairs without an invitation. Not that it surprises me, considering her entitled behavior, but I won’t be taken for a ride.

My whole life’s been based on my ability to discern others’ thoughts, plans, and secrets. If I can’t depend on my instincts anymore, what the hell do I have left?

Worse, I’m having a hard time returning to the way I lived before she marched herself into my life. I just spent seven days and several thousand dollars last week forgetting about her. I failed miserably, it seems.

As soon as she entered my house—the instant she bared herself—I faltered.

Her kiss differs from any experience I’ve had with other women. Being near her blocks out the rest of the world. Everything appears more vivid with her by my side. Christ, my daydreams of making love with her exceed any actual sexual encounter I’ve had in years—maybe ever. Now she’s doomed me to a hellish life of never being satisfied.

I don’t want to read any lame apologies for her outrageous behavior. If I remain furious, it’ll be easier to free myself from her clutches. I’ll keep myself distracted with other things until the time comes when I don’t even think about her.

I recovered from losing Mama; I’ll get over Lindsey.

I lie back on the sofa. Have I really recovered from losing Mama? Looking at my life, there’s a good argument against that declaration. I rub my temples, then jab one of the cushions with my elbow.

To hell with this. I just want to feel normal again.

I pick up a book, but the words swim before my eyes. I surf the TV channels, looking for an escape, but give up and go to bed early with a new book, tucking Lindsey’s envelope inside its cover. After an hour of reading and rereading the first pages of a new chapter, I shut my eyes and pray for sleep.



I’m standing alone, beneath a gray sky, in the middle of an expansive field of tall grass. On the horizon, the sky explodes with bold purple and orange flashes. Suddenly, I’m carried along with a herd of people rushing into a makeshift emergency center.

All around me, people are crying, getting bandaged, and searching for others. My own face somehow ends up wrapped in gauze bandages. I touch them, confused, then go search for Pop.

I’m magically alone and outside, bracing against strong winds. The grass field has been replaced by a paved lot, and I see a forest in the distance. I reach the tree line, but then it morphs into a familiar, shallow riverbed, which I recognize as the riverbed behind my childhood home in Tifton.

I wade into the wide brook, trying to reach the road on the other side. The freezing water rushes over rocks and around my legs, and I lose my balance. I splash into the water, soaking my bandages. As I cross the raging brook, the wet bandages unravel.

The riverbank ahead of me begins to incline, like in a cartoon. I try to climb it, but the loose soil continually crumbles under my hands and knees.

“Levi, grab my hand.”

I look up to see Lindsey leaning down with her arm extended.

“Hold on, Levi. Don’t let go.”

I grab on to her and she yanks me up onto the dirt road. Without another word, she begins walking ahead of me along a path leading away from the road, into the trees.

I stand at the fork, watching her meander through the shadows of the wooded path.

Now I’m floating above my body. I can see my face. There are no burns, only a small scar by my right eye.