Imperfect Truth(18)

“What are you staring at?” he asks as his eyes dart back and forth to where my eyes are locked. He gives me a strange look while shaking his head in confusion, “Why are you just standing there?” His words are rimmed with impatience. I look at him wide-eyed with bewilderment as I realize I’m still standing in the doorway of the gallery. God, I was almost caught gawking at Ryder.

“You’re so out of it,” he mutters under his breath as he walks past me. My arms sway rhythmically back and forth as my legs carry me closer to the curb to catch up. When I approach him I stare at him for a moment, his interaction with Natasha clawing at me. Where have we gone wrong? What have I done to warrant such a dismissal?

“Do you still love me?”

“God, Ava, stop being so…” He raises his hands, running them through his hair as he tries to find the right word.

“Stop being so what, Alexandre?” I shrug, lifting my hands and shoulders in unison.

“This Ava, this. Stop being so overdramatic.”

“Overdramatic? Really, Alexandre? Wow…”

“Ava,” The word comes out somber, as if he is battling his own demons. But as quickly as the emotions surface, I see him close them off. His face becomes tight, and his brow furrows, showing crease lines in his forehead. My heart splinters in two.

Alexandre moves closer to the street, raising his hand above his head to hail the cab slowly approaching and coming to a stop.

“You haven't answered me, Alexandre.”

“Yes, Ava,” he utters through gritted teeth. “Yes, I love you. Now will you get in the cab?”

I stand motionless.

“GET. IN. THE. CAB.”

As I start toward the cab, he doesn’t follow.

“Alexandre?”

“I will meet you at home.” He speaks in a low hushed tone while looking at me, but in truth he is looking through me. His eyes do not connect to mine.

“You’re leaving me in this cab?” My heart beats faster, the blood draining from my face. He doesn’t answer, just refocuses his gaze and stares into my eyes. He’s not coming with me? Tears well and threaten to fall.

“I just…I have something I need to do.”

“I don’t understand?” My tears are replaced with anger, and my voice rises with each word. “You bring me to this event, don’t spend a second of time with me, pay me no attention, and now you have something you need to do?”

“Do not make a scene,” his voice is almost a whisper, “please.” As he says the words I catch a glimpse of the Alexandre I knew. The one I once loved. His emerald eyes soften as he rubs his face with concern. It breaks my heart even more. Seeing these glimpses crush me.

He knocks lightly on the driver’s side window, signaling with his hand for the driver to lower his window. “Take her to 36 Gramercy Park East.” He reaches into his pocket and hands the driver a twenty. He turns back to me. “I’ll see you later, okay?” He tries to reassure me, but nothing he says will fix how I feel…

Dejected.

My mouth opens, but no sound comes out. He shakes his head and turns away before I have time to get my words out.

I make my way into the back of the decrepit old cab. As we begin to pull away and start driving through the city, tears stream down my cheeks. My sobs are silent. I fight to not hyperventilate. Where did this all go wrong? I know we were happy once; we had fallen in love fast and were married even faster. Over the years it’s like a light switched for Alexandre. What was once abundance is now destitute. He has become a different person, and it is actually alarming the speed of rapid deterioration. I slow my breathing to calm myself and finally the tears subside. I look around to get my bearings, and I notice we have arrived back at the apartment.

Stepping out of the cab, I look up at the architecture before me. In the shadows the gargoyles and cherub that nest on the arches of the building are ominous. I hurry into the building and move quickly past the doorman. I can’t stand the thought of anyone knowing how upset I am.

Feeling calmer I turn my computer on and hop online. I know what I’m searching for; I know Ryder is still at the fundraiser, but I hope when he leaves and is back online, he’ll be able to give me what I so desperately need. Attention.



Ava Readsalot: Hi.



As I wait for him to return home, I decide to undress and change into my pajamas. I make my way to the sink and turn on the water. The lukewarm water feels refreshing on my soft skin, and the muscles in my face relax as I wash off the evening. Waves of emotions drain from my sordid mind. Feeling unblemished and anew, I make my way back to my bed.



Ryder Matthews: Hey!