Imperfect Truth(10)

Ava Readsalot: Morning!!

Ryder Matthews: What are you doing?

Ava Readsalot: Drinking coffee.

Ryder Matthews: Send me a picture.

Ava Readsalot: Why?

Ryder Matthews: I want to see a picture of you.

Ava Readsalot: Go look at my profile pictures…

Ryder Matthews: That’s so different, everyone sees those pictures. I want to see a real picture of you. I want to see a picture of what you are doing now.

Ava Readsalot: Like of me drinking coffee???

Ryder Matthews: Yes Ava, send me a picture of you drinking coffee.

Ava Readsalot: I’m not even wearing makeup! NO WAY!

Ryder Matthews: Just send the damn picture.

Ava Readsalot: How about if you send one too?

Ryder Matthews: Can’t right now. Just use your imagination… devastatingly handsome.

Ava Readsalot: Haha…Okay fine. Don’t say you haven't been warned.



I grab my cell from the kitchen counter and cock my head to the side. Before second-guessing myself, I snap the picture and hit send. I see him typing and fear overcomes me. My pulse picks up, and I’m taken aback by my body’s response. I know this moment will change everything. Sending pictures to a man that isn’t my husband isn’t right. It’s inappropriate.

This makes everything real.

I know in the depths of my soul that nothing will ever be the same from this moment on.



Ryder Matthews: Wow, just wow!

Ryder Matthews: You, Ava, are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.



Speechless. My heart is pounding out of my chest. I contemplate how to respond. How does a married women respond to that? Breathing heavily, I respond in my normal playful banter.



Ava Readsalot: LMAO Not really.

Ryder Matthews: You’re gorgeous.



I had never felt particularly special before this moment. I often felt rather ordinary, but having Ryder’s words filter through my brain, I’ve never felt more beautiful in my life. This relationship between Ryder and I is on precarious ground, although we were just friends, the lines have blurred more and more every day. As I sit at the marble kitchen counter and bask in his words, I decide to turn the conversation around…maybe to books. I had just read the latest novel from a male author named Marcus Wright. It is not a romance, but dark and gritty. It tells the story of a woman who is kidnapped and later falls in love with her captor. Her feelings are never reciprocated, and he systematically breaks her down and tortures her. Ryder and I often bantered about books and what we liked, but today is different. As I sit in front of my computer, coffee in hand, and feeling rather bold, I send him another message.



Ava Readsalot: What is wrong with me?

Ryder Matthews: Elaborate…it could be one of many things.

Ava Readsalot: hardy har har!

Ava Readsalot: No but seriously…forget it.

Ryder Matthews: You can tell me, Let your guard down, I’ll keep your secret safe.

Ava Readsalot: Fine. I just read a book about a woman being tortured and raped and I swear…Okay, no judgment…PROMISE????

Ryder Matthews: Of course not.

Ava Readsalot: I’ve never been more turned on in my life. I mean like ever!

Ryder Matthews: That’s because you want to give up control.

Ava Readsalot: What??

Ryder Matthews: Control, you know, to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.



I look at my phone in disbelief. How the hell am I supposed to respond?



Ava Readsalot: Omg!!! Did you just write the definition of control???? You said you wouldn’t make fun of me :-(

Ryder Matthews: LOL I’m not making fun of you.

Ryder Matthews: I’m just telling you the truth.

Ava Readsalot: Wow, Ryder, I think you saved me. Me and my “control issues” Lol

Ryder Matthews: Laugh all you want, baby, but that’s why you’re not satisfied.

Ava Readsalot: Baby?



I decide to call him out. Not because I want him to stop. God, I hope he doesn’t stop. It’s become my new favorite word.



Ryder: Yes. Do you have a problem with that…baby?

Ava Readsalot: I guess not. So what do you mean not satisfied? Like in the bedroom or like in life?

Ava Readsalot: What makes you think I’m not satisfied?

Ryder Matthews: Well, are you? Are you satisfied in “life”?

Ava Readsalot: Well, no, but that doesn’t mean anything.

Ryder Matthews: Sure.

Ava Readsalot: But that doesn’t make any sense…I AM controlled in life…by my in-laws and I hate it…

Ryder Matthews: That’s different, Ava. You want to give up control to someone you feel will protect you…do you feel Alexandre does that?



I don’t answer, I just keep typing, erasing, and retyping. He must sense my trepidation, because he throws me a life raft.



Ryder Matthews: I need some help.