If You Fight(10)

Surprised to hear my father compliment me on the one thing he'd always said I lacked, I smiled. He had no idea how strong I could be.

Or how strong I planned to be.

"Thank you. Maybe I'm more like you than you always thought."

His eyebrows slowly raised up into his forehead. "Maybe you are. Let Ryder know your volunteer schedule and if Oliver can't take you, I'll make sure he will. And you know what else I think we should do? I think this house needs something to celebrate."




 

 

"Celebrate? Like what?" I asked, unsure what he could mean.

Taking me by the shoulders, he smiled and nodded as he explained what he wanted to do. "Since you're feeling better now, I think a party would be just what the doctor ordered. I'll get your sister and Charles to come for the night since I think he's returning tomorrow, and I'll invite some people. You'll see. You and Oliver will have a good time."

I thought about my father's parties, most of which did little to bring out any happiness in me, and remembered the last one. "Will there be dancing? I'd like that."

"Of course there will be dancing!" he said with a big smile. "I'll make sure Ryder is there since I know he loves that too."

Stifling a chuckle, I tried not to look too surprised by his claim that Ryder loved to dance. "Okay, Dad. That sounds nice. Black tie or more casual?"

"Let's do more casual this time since it's going to be an impromptu get-together. We'll make it for this weekend."

My father opened his arms and hugged me for the first time in longer than I could remember. It felt utterly foreign but some part of me felt comforted by his attempt to be more than the tyrant he'd always been.

Looking up at him, I smiled. I didn't expect him to become father of the year, but I liked this small effort. "Thank you, Daddy."

He kissed the top of my head and whispered, "And don't you worry. We'll have a wonderful time and you'll forget all about your troubles. But never doubt that the person who did this to you will pay. Never doubt that. Never."

"I don't doubt it. Not in the least."

* * *

I sat in the backseat of the black town car as Ryder slowly drove through the estate gates and could barely wait to finally get a chance to speak to him without anyone else around. My father insisted on having me come to his office so we could leave from there, and with so many eyes on us, we hadn't said two words to each other by the time we reached the car out front.

"Stop the car, please," I said as I grabbed the handle to open the door.

Ryder looked around as if to check to see if the coast was clear and pulled off the side of the road. Hurriedly, I jumped out and got into the front seat, finally able to look into his eyes and say what I'd wanted to for days.

"Tell me you're okay, Ryder. I need to know."

His face remained as stony as it had been the day before in my father's office. In a low voice, he said, "I'm fine."

He moved his hand to shift the car into drive, but I caught it and weaved my fingers through his, and he stopped dead. Slowly, he turned his head and let out a heavy sigh. He wasn't fine just like I wasn't. 

I brought our entwined hands to my lips and kissed his rough knuckles, loving the feel of them scraping against the soft skin of my lips. "Talk to me. Please. Tell me what you're feeling."

Quietly, like the words were being torn from his throat, he said, "I can't do this with you, Serena. I can't. This is torture."

"Why? Look at me. Why is this torture?"

He refused to face me. "We're never going to be together. I know that now. All we're ever going to have are moments like this, and I can't do that. It's not enough."

I turned his head so I could see his expression. I needed to see the truth in his eyes. What I saw was the purest sadness I'd ever seen in my life. "I know you miss me. I miss you. I miss our baby. I know you need someone to talk to about what we lost like I do. Please talk to me, Ryder."

Closing his eyes, he lowered his head. "I can't do this. I spent the last week wishing I could just hold you just to feel you next to me so I knew you were safe. Worried what was happening with you and Oliver. I was scared to death he'd hurt you again, or maybe this time he'd get his wish and you'd end up dead. We're never going to be together. Your plan isn't going to work."

"Why? Won't you wait until it does? You just have to be patient."

He turned his head to look at me and I saw tears in his eyes. "Your father knows it was Oliver. When he has me take care of him, he's just going to find someone else for you. We're never going to be together, Serena. We have to accept that. It might hurt to be apart now, but it's going to hurt a lot more if we continue this."