His Hostage(26)

This fucking sucks. I don’t know if I want her more because I can’t have her, or if what I’m feeling is more than that. It doesn’t fucking matter though.

I can’t have her, and I need to end this in a way that she knows that. She turns to face me as we get to her door.

But I can’t go through with it. Her wide blue eyes focus on me and I find myself leaning forward and wrapping my arms around her waist. She moans into my mouth and kisses me back.

I shouldn’t be doing this.

My tongue dips inside, tasting her. My hands find her ass and grip her cheeks. She pulls away from me. Her breathing comes in pants. She wants me. I nip her bottom lip and give her one more kiss.

I may not be able to see her after tonight. But I’m not going to crush her heart until I absolutely have to. I don’t want to see her sad. I don’t want her angry at me. Not like she was. I fucking love this side of her. I love that she wants me.

“See you later, sweetheart.”

She hums in satisfaction and watches me as I walk to the car.

I wait to leave until after she’s in the house.

I’ve gotta get some shit done and then I’ll send her a text. My heart hardens in my chest. The familia comes to Sunday dinner. I don’t want her around them. I know by now everyone will know. An intense urge to protect her makes my muscles tight as I drive away.

I’ll just show them she’s fine. Let her wait in the foyer or something where they can see her. Then she can go.

And then I’ll really have to say goodbye.





Chapter 12: Elle





“I said I’m sorry, Elle.”

I hear my mom’s voice, but I ignore her as I look through the bills again. I can’t fucking believe this.

“I can’t afford this!” I yell, interrupting whatever she was about to say. I'm sitting at my desk chair, and I finally turn to look at her. She’s pale and gaunt looking. She hasn’t taken care of herself. Not recently. Not ever. And it’s noticeable. Her blonde hair is pulled tight into a ponytail which makes her skin look even more wrinkled and her face more sunken in. I don’t even recognize her.

“Of course you can. They wouldn’t let me take out the loans if you couldn’t afford them.”

“No! I can’t!” I can’t help the anger heating my blood. I’m going to have to drop out of school. There’s no way I can afford to live on a grad student’s wage and only work part-time in the lab in order to pay this shit off. My heart sinks in my chest. I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have to do this.

“How many more?” I ask her. She’s done this shit before. I know she’s hiding some. Ones that she isn’t that overdue on.

“Those are the only ones with your name on them.” Her eyes widen as she puts her hand over her heart. Her voice lowers as she cries. “I only did it because I had to.”

“You didn’t have to do it!” I’m still angry and still screaming, and that’s not what she expects. I can’t help it though. It’s so true. “You don’t have to make my life hell.”

She shakes her head and starts to speak, but I stop her.

“Don’t! Don’t you dare. I’m going to have to quit school now. You know that?” Oddly enough though, quitting school seems like more a relief than anything else.

“You have to know I didn’t mean for this to happen. I promise you, Elle. I’m going to fix this. I kicked him out. I did. It was stupid of me. I’m going to my AA meetings, I swear!”

Her eyes plead with me to forgive her as her hands clasp in front of her and tears fall down her face. It melts my anger and just makes me sad. I feel pathetic believing her, but I really do. I can help her. I know I can.

“I’ll figure this out, Mom.”

She practically runs to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, crying as she says thank you and sorry over and over again. I pat her back and try to comfort her until I can send her away.

I stare at the closed door and feel sick to my stomach. She hasn’t paid a single dime on the mortgage. So there’s a couple grand that I owe there. But what’s even worse are the credit cards. Cash withdrawals of thousands of dollars at 22%. I’ll consolidate. I don’t know who’s going to give me a loan for that amount. But I’ll find a way. I sift through the papers and mentally calculate what I need. A little over 26k in total. My heart sinks. I made 22k a year at my old college, and a measly 14k being the night shift part-timer in the lab. I have nothing saved up because of her last “situation”. And I make 26k at this university and haven’t found a job here yet.