Her Secret Thrill(31)
Dear Jake, I can’t even begin to describe what you’ve come to mean to me. If I were at another time and place in my life, I’d pursue this…thing we share with all my heart and determination. But we’re both heading in such different directions—it simply wouldn’t be fair to either of us to take this on as well. I will never forget you. You’ll always be my secret thrill. Yours, Natalie.
At the door she paused to look back at him, tears falling. “I love you,” she whispered, then closed the door behind her before she lost what little nerve she had left.
JAKE SWORE and barely resisted crumpling the note in his hands. The storm was over outside but it had only begun inside. He couldn’t believe she’d left him sleeping! He’d never asked her if she had reservations anywhere or what airline she’d taken, so he had no way of finding her. But he knew her final destination: Connecticut.
The phone rang and he pounced on it. “Natalie, thank God.”
“Uh, no, this is your father. Who’s Natalie?”
Jake almost heard his father’s grin, but wasn’t in the mood. “Sorry. What did you want?”
There was a pause. Jake knew his father didn’t appreciate the abruptness, but it was the best he could do at the moment.
“Well. I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment,” he said quietly, the gentle humor still evident in his voice.
Surprised, Jake was at a loss how to respond. “What are you talking about?” He blew out a long breath. “Listen, I’m sorry for the way I answered the phone. It’s…personal. But I know I’ve got meetings this afternoon and evening, and I’m on top of things.”
His father actually chuckled. “Not from what I’m hearing in your voice. And I’m not talking about business,” he added. “That’s one area I’ve never had to worry about.”
Jake actually felt his cheeks heat up. He and his dad had had many a frank conversation in their lives, but he couldn’t recall women ever being the subject. “Dad, you don’t have anything to worry about now, either. Trust me. I’ll…handle it.” He couldn’t even sound convincing to his own ears.
“You know, just because I’m an old married man doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate how difficult relationships can be. In fact, because I am an old married man, I probably have more experience in that area than most.”
“You and Mom are perfect together.”
“And if you think it’s been easy staying that way for over forty years, think again. Nothing worth having comes easy. And nothing has been more worth having than the life I’ve spent with your mother.”
Jake paused and let the wisdom of his father’s words sink in. “Even if it makes you question everything else about your life?” The words were out before he realized it.
There was a pause on the other end, and Jake wanted to kick himself. He wasn’t ready for this conversation. Hell, he’d just discovered the only woman he’d ever loved had walked, without giving him a chance to— What? What else could he have done?
“So, that serious, huh? But then, I think I got that from the way you answered the phone.”
“Dad, listen—”
“When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. Okay? The reason I called you is that I need some help.”
Jake sighed in relief. “Sure, what can I do for you?”
“Jim called this week. He’s going to retire.”
Jim Mulligan was their majordomo at the Double L and had been for as long as Jake could remember. It shouldn’t have come as such a shock; Jim was certainly well past the age of retirement. But it was impossible to think of the Double L without him.
“He’s certainly earned it,” Jake said, at a loss to sum up his feelings.
“I know, son. I know. But that leaves us with the task of replacing him. I’d like you to come out and help me interview new managers and foremen. With your mom and me spending as much time in Arizona as we are now, we’re not going to be at the ranch much. So, I’m thinking of splitting up the job, making it a bit easier to manage.”
“I’d be glad to, but shouldn’t Tom be the one to help with this?”
“Jim will be there, as will I. But you know as well as I do that Tom has no real interest in the Double L. Neither do Steve or Julie. They’re sentimental about the place, they were born and raised there, but it’s your opinion and advice I’m asking for now.”
Jake didn’t know what to say. He’d never made a secret of his attachment to the ranch, but this still came as a surprise. And an honor. “I’ve got a number of meetings scheduled this week and that St. Louis deal to contend with, but I should be able to clear up a day next—”
“No can do. I need you out here by Tuesday.”
That was only three days away. “I’m not sure I can reschedule—”
“So don’t. Delegate, boy. That’s the beauty of having people work for you.”
“But they’re still in training.”
His father merely snorted. “Every one of those men and women was already primed for this job. All they need is the documentation and your position on the situation, and you can cut them loose. Best way to deal with things is to get in and get your fingernails dirty.”
“But—”
“If something goes wrong, they’ll know where to reach you.” He chuckled. “You’re so like your mother. It’s taken me forty years to finally get her to relax and let go a little. I don’t know why I think I could make it happen any faster with you.” Then his tone sobered. “One thing I’ve tried to instill in all of you is the secret of true success. If you don’t enjoy the process, then the reward is worthless. Because it’s the process of the achievement that is its own goal.”
“I think we’ve all lived by that. We all enjoy working for the company and take a great deal of pride in its success.”
“Don’t confuse success with fulfillment.”
Jake shook his head. “I don’t think I have.”
“Perhaps. But goals can change, fulfillment can be found doing many things. Don’t be afraid of acknowledging that. Pride should be about fulfillment. Lord knows, I’ve always been proud of you— Now, I’ve got to run. Your mother wants me to go to some civic luncheon thing she’s set up. All a bunch of women—I have no idea why I need to be there. Anyway, we’ll talk more when you get to the Double L. I’ll be flying in on Mon day.” He paused, then added, “And bring this Natalie if you’d like. I don’t know the situation between you two, but if some time alone would help, she’s more than welcome.”
Jake was still trying to understand what his father was trying to tell him. Natalie’s name popping up only added to his confusion. “Uh, thanks, Dad. But I don’t think she’ll be coming with me. I appreciate it, though. Give my love to Mom. And behave yourself at the luncheon. I’m sure being in a room full of women won’t be too much of a hardship on you.”
“You haven’t met this crew,” his dad replied, laughing, then said his goodbyes and hung up.
Jake cradled the phone, but didn’t move beyond that. Had his dad understood more than Jake had given him credit for? Maybe more than Jake himself had understood? Because he didn’t need Jake’s input to hire a majordomo—not when he had Jim there to help him out. But it seemed important to him. Important and specific.
Jake’s gaze fell to the empty side of the bed, and his heart tightened. It was that or let it shatter. It would be a good time to head back to the Double L. He had a lot of thinking to do, and there was no better place on earth to clear his head…and his heart, than the ranch.
He took a shower, then got on the phone and took the first step to sorting things out. He delegated. It wasn’t nearly as hard as he’d thought it would be.
If only the rest of his problems could be resolved so smoothly, he thought as he packed. He’d already made reservations at a hotel downtown for the remainder of his stay. He couldn’t stay here. He glanced at the picture from the dinner cruise, but it hurt too much. He slid it in his briefcase, took one last look at the tumbled bed covers, the Mardi Gras beads in a tangle on the nightstand. The sun was peeking out from the remains of the storm clouds and shone through the balcony doors. Everything was bathed in a golden glow, the air washed fresh and clean, like a new beginning.
He closed the door behind him, wishing it were that simple.
18
“I LEFT SOME PAPERS in your room for you to look over.”
Natalie sighed inwardly, but kept her voice even. “Dad, I’ve already told you that as much as I appreciate your faith in me, I won’t be working for Holcomb.”
She’d come home from New Orleans a week ago, and had had a serious talk with him about her desire to rethink her goals. She’d tried to explain why working for Holcomb wouldn’t fulfill her any more than Maxwell & Graham had. For all the good it had done. Her father had listened up to the part about her uncertainty regarding her career choices and had skipped past the rest. She should have known better. But she’d felt it important at least to try.