Her Secret Thrill(30)

Her head dropped back as she leaned back on her elbows and arched against him. Her position pushed her breasts up toward him, and he took full advantage, rolling the beads again and again across her nipples until she was writhing and groaning, her eyes shut against the waves of pleasure he could feel rumbling through her.

He tugged on the beads then, until she sat up.

“Wrap your legs tighter around me.”

She did, and with one arm around her back, he hoisted them both onto the bed, at the same time moving deeper inside her. They both trembled, and he couldn’t stop himself from pushing her back into the mattress and letting his body take what it so badly wanted. She met him thrust for thrust, and he could feel himself losing the battle of control. But he wasn’t done yet, dammit.

It took all he had to move out of her and slide down her body. He pushed her back when she sat up in protest. “Grab the headboard.”

She looked down to where he’d slid between her legs.

“Trust me,” he said.

She smiled then, and his heart turned completely over. Where would he ever find such a true match for him? Would he ever trust anyone as he did her, or be trusted as fully as he was with her? Again he shoved that aside as she laid back down and tucked her hands beneath the base of the headboard.

He climbed up her body and slipped the strand of violet beads over her head, then slid them the length of her body. He slithered them around her breasts, dragging them over her nipples, then let their coolness pool on her belly before slowly, so slowly dragging them downward. Brushing one bead after another between her legs.

“Keep your hips still.”

“I can’t,” she moaned.

“Try.”

She ground her teeth on a long, low growl. But that was quickly followed by an even deeper growl of satisfaction when he lightly brushed the beads over her wet, waiting cleft. She screamed in her throat and she fought to keep her hips from thrashing, when he lowered his mouth over the beads and manipulated them directly on her swollen clitoris—until finally she lost the battle and screamed as she climaxed.

He let the beads slide to the bed as he climbed up her body, his tongue following the opposite path the beads had traveled moments before, until he was at her neck.

“Let go of the headboard and grab my hips, Natalie,” he murmured into her ear.

She all but clawed him to her, which was good because he felt every bit as primal.

When he entered her this time, there was no gentleness in either of them. She commanded every bit as much force as he could give. He was surprised the bed didn’t splinter beneath the fury of their lovemaking. She climaxed again before he finally went screaming over the edge himself.

I love you, Natalie.

The words had been so loud, so clearly spoken in his mind, that, for a moment, he thought he’d said them out loud. In fact, he wasn’t sure how he could have kept them locked in a moment longer. But he managed, somehow. If he ever said the words to her, it would not be in the heat of lovemaking, even lovemaking as powerful as what he discovered every time they were together.

No, he wanted her to hear the words clearly, to understand how deeply he felt them and would always feel them, even if she did walk away from him. He understood her dilemma and honestly had no idea, given his current life and career, and her situation with family, how they’d make it work. Maybe she was right, and it would only lead to heartache and frustration. Maybe it was best to walk away when it was still perfect and beautiful. Maybe there would come a point in the future when they could meet again and make it work.

And maybe he would have to realize that he couldn’t have everything he wanted, no matter how badly he wanted it.

He pulled her to him and kissed her as he stroked her hair. She nestled against him, against his still-pounding heart. He felt her relax, felt her fall asleep with the drumming of his heart beneath her ear. His eyes burned, and his heart squeezed. There had to be a way, dammit. He just had to find it.

When sleep finally claimed him, the solution was still beyond his grasp.





17




MORNING CAME far too soon. Natalie kept her eyes closed, hoping she could stay afloat in her dreamworld. A world that had her and Jake staying together for eternity.

But that wasn’t going to happen. She opened her eyes. The room was still dark, even though a quick glance at the bedside clock told her it was well after daybreak. A deep rumbling sound shook the balcony doors, and she realized what had woken her up.

“Wonderful,” she muttered. A thunderstorm.

Well, she supposed it was only fitting that the weather match her mood. She rolled gently to her side and looked at Jake, willing her heart not to ache. How am I supposed to say goodbye to you?

She’d woken up at some point in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. She’d been wrapped tightly in Jake’s arms and found herself wondering how she’d ever slept alone. That thought, and the realization that sleeping alone was going to be that much harder now, had propelled her up. She’d closed the balcony doors; then, rather than sliding right back into bed, she had leaned against them and watched him sleep in the waning moonlight.

He was the proverbial right man at the wrong time. She’d spent the next hour watching him and trying to figure out how to make things work between them. But she had no idea how long she’d be staying with her father. She’d even briefly thought about giving in the rest of the way and going to work for the family. Perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad, maybe she would find her niche there.

But she knew that wouldn’t be the case. Even if her father allowed her to work her way up, earn her place in the legal echelons of Holcomb Industries, her brother was not going to be an easy man to work with, and she shuddered to think of having to get involved in all the company politics. There were politics enough where she worked now, but at least they weren’t tangled with family responsibilities and expectations.

No. Working for her father was not what she wanted. But what if Maxwell & Graham wasn’t what she really wanted, either? What if clawing only led to more clawing? Is that what she wanted? She loved law, she knew that much, but why had she decided on the big firm partnership? Because it was prestigious and because she would be respected for working there. Respected by whom?

And that was when things had all fallen into place.

She’d crawled back into bed and laid staring at the ceiling. She’d chosen Maxwell & Graham to impress her father. To prove to him that she could make it on her own in a big city with a big firm. He’d have to respect that, right? And for what? So he’d finally be forced to admit she didn’t need him?

She’d laid next to Jake, his heat and vibrancy filling the room even when he was asleep, and cried silent tears. How stupid had she been? And why had it taken her so long to figure it out? She shifted closer to Jake, feeling the solid strength of him next to her. Maybe because she’d never had a reason to question her choices. Until now.

So now what? She’d already come to the conclusion that moving home for good wasn’t the answer. She would have to get over needing her father’s approval. It wasn’t going to happen, and she wasn’t going to continue living her life for him. It amazed her to realize that even in leaving supposedly to live her own life, her choices had been dictated by him, or by her relationship with him. If she hadn’t been so stunned by the revelation, she’d have been furious with herself for not seeing it sooner.

Liza had been right: he was proud of her, of her success and her determination. She did have that, even if he wasn’t happy with how she’d achieved it. And that would have to be enough. Because she was finished choosing her goals to prove something to others. It was time for her to figure out what she wanted. For herself.

And it shocked her to realize that she had no idea.

Now, in the gray light of dawn, she simply felt lost.

Jake was there beside her, his muscular body so tempting. But she knew she was going to have to figure out on her own what was next for her. And even that would have to wait until her father was well on the road to recovery. She’d stand by him, but she was also going to have a talk with him, explain herself, and let him and her family know that while she loved them and appreciated that they thought they knew what was best for her, she was going to have to find out on her own what made her happy. She only hoped they loved her enough to let her do just that, without censure or inducement of guilt.

She smiled for the first time in hours, even though her eyes burned. Yeah, that was going to happen. She knew her family too well and doubted they’d change, no matter how gently she explained herself to them. But she’d just have to live with that, too. She hadn’t come this far in life because she caved when the going got rough. She just wished she had a clue where in the hell she was going.

Jake’s hand searched her out, pulling her close as the thunder shook the dawn skies again. He was still asleep, and it made her weepy again to realize that he’d reached for her so naturally. She went willingly into his arms, and when his body grew more aroused at the contact and he finally woke, she closed her mind to everything and reveled in the slow, sweet lovemaking they shared while the lightning and thunder shook the windowpanes.

And afterward, when he was asleep again, she dressed and wrote him a note. She knew she should have been a bigger person and said her goodbyes directly to him. But in the end she simply wasn’t strong enough.