Her Forgotten Betrayal(68)

“Riskier than thumbing our nose at whoever’s after me, and daring him to take another shot?” Riskier than the need within her, throbbing just as fiercely as before, for Cole to truly love her?

“He wants the shot, Shaw. He’s getting more and more worked up, and he’s getting careless. He was in the house while we were sleeping, setting up those stairs. He’s panting for another chance, especially if he overheard any of what we said before he shot at you again in the storage room. He may know a team is coming. He’s watching us now. We have a very short window of opportunity to make all of this go away for you. Tell me you’re not going to mess that up.”

“Mess it up?” It took every ounce of strength and integrity she had not to slap him across the face. “You said it yourself. This is your fault.” Her face was only inches from his now. “I know I ruined things between us in the past. But you made me believe that was over. You lied while you made love to me, while you let me fall back in love with you. And now you want me to trust you with my life, with this insane scheme of yours, because it’s my only chance to be free. How can I? You’ve made that impossible. Tell me, Cole. Tell me exactly which one of us has messed us up this time?”

…

Cole didn’t know where to begin to defend his actions. He wasn’t even certain there was a point anymore. So he didn’t. What was the use?

He’d lost Shaw’s heart. Again. And arguing about whether or not his actions had been justified, pushing harder to get her back on a personal level, wasn’t an option at the moment. That would have to wait until he was certain she was safe. Even then, he may have already lost her for good. He was 100 percent guilty of the accusations she was hurling at him, just as she’d been guilty of deserting him when they were kids. From her perfectly reasonable perspective, he hadn’t done right by her this time, by them, from the moment she’d woken in the parlor.

And, once again, they were both paying the price.

“I made the best decisions I could in a difficult, fluid field situation,” he said. It wasn’t an excuse. It was exactly what he had done on countless other cases. But his good intentions didn’t change how badly the trust between them had disintegrated. “You were injured. Your mind isn’t fully recovered—you were still dissociating when you woke from your last nightmare. I was wrong to keep things from you, yes. But I was trying to take care of you the best I knew how.”

She looked ready to slap him. She was royally pissed. Her self-confidence was returning in leaps and bounds, and it was glorious. It made him smile, despite the fact that she was slipping through his fingers.

She stiffened. “I’m glad you find this so amusing.”

“I don’t.” What he’d found was that there was nothing Shaw could do that wouldn’t intrigue and arouse him to distraction. A train of thought that, unfortunately, they had no time to explore, either.

She sighed, then ground her teeth together. “What do you want from me, Cole?”

Pain made her words shake, despite her stony expression.

He stopped himself from repeating what he’d let slip out when they’d made love—that all he wanted was the perfection of holding her. She wouldn’t believe him now. And the emotional conflict he was still causing her could very well get her killed or land her in prison.

“I want a lot of things we don’t have time to get into. But first and foremost, I want you to get out of this alive,” he said. “I want your mind whole, your innocence proven, and this shit who’s after you stopped and caught and incarcerated for everything he’s done to you and our country. You and I can make that happen.”

“Together?” She was mocking him. “Like old times?”

“There’s nothing old about this, darlin’.” She flinched at his favorite endearment. “I know you’re angry. You have every right to be.”

“Oh, well, thank you. You’re too kind.”

“Screw your thanks and your sarcasm. They can wait, along with the rest of what we have to say to each other. Focus, Shaw. Keep making this about the past and me, and you’re going to find yourself dead or officially charged with multiple felonies. You’re not going to cave to what they want to pin on you. Or leave here in a snit and expose yourself to even more danger, because WITSEC can’t justify protecting you based on a fall down the stairs and a cut finger. You’re not going to do all that just to spite me.” He snorted. “You’ve never been a stupid woman. Don’t start now. You’re stronger than that, damn it.”